Film Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

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Dance Dance Retrospective: Hottest Party

It's no secret... that is, secretly-held opinion... that the Dance Dance Revolution franchise got stuck in a rut by not presenting innovative mechanics often enough.  I for one place the turning point right around SuperNOVA.  But where the franchise floundered in the arcades and on the PlayStation 2, its star rose on a new platform: the Nintendo Wii.  In 2007, Konami produced a spin-off entry entitled Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party, and molded into the formula several welcome changes which instilled a renewed sense of fun even into jaded fans like myself.  In fact, it was so well-received that Konami saw fit to bestow upon us a total of five games bearing the Hottest Party nameplate (depending on which region you live in).  But were the games themselves anything to write home about?  Let's find out.

Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party (2007)

First off, anyone remember the last time Konami attempted to put a DDR game on a Nintendo console?  Yeah, DDR Mario Mix (GameCube, 2005).  You can go ahead and forget about that one.  Except the fact that the dance pads they made for that are also used by Hottest Party.  Unless you've got one of the newer models that left out the GameCube ports, in which case sorry, but there's kind of no way to play this.

Four players and Hand Markers.  (From Hottest Party.)

As for everyone else, you'll be pleased to know that Hottest Party uses the Wii's exclusive features to great effect.  You can play with the regular four-panel setup, or you can turn on optional Hand Markers, notes in which you must shake the Wii Remote or Nunchuck to catch.  In effect, this is the next evolution of the six-panel mode from the DDR Solo series, or more recently, the EyeToy-powered Hands and Feet mode from the PlayStation 2 games.  In addition, you can also turn on optional Gimmick notes, which do anything from expanding into more notes to penalizing you for hitting them.  And while a new roster of characters has replaced old standbys like Disco, Rage, and Emi, you can also use your Mii characters in-game.  Yeah, that isn't creepy at all, I said in sarcasm mode.

The music selection, on the other hand, might not fulfill the excitement you built up for yourself in reading the above paragraph.  Whilst they did licence a decent array of hit songs from recent and past eras, they're all covers done by some of Konami's in-house bands.  Their results are generally nothing to be proud of, although at least they tried reworking stuff like Janet Jackson and Nelly's "Call On Me" and JoJo's "Too Little Too Late" to be more danceable.  Strangely, not even Konami's own songs are immune, as franchise classics like "B4U" and "Break Down!!" also got the cover treatment, and call it a case of "They Changed It, Now It Sucks", but... they suck.  I mean, seriously, I know the lyrics don't really matter, but at least get them right!  At least the brand-new songs are halfway decent, primarily the ones coming from the usual suspects like Naoki, DJ Taka, and Jun.

I know I told you to forget about Mario Mix, but I'm bringing it up one more time to illustrate one more point.  Mario Mix was easy; the hardest charts in that game would be lucky to be classified as Standard-level charts in the main series.  Hottest Party does not have this problem; it utilizes the same scale of difficulty as the Max and SuperNOVA games.  If you see a chart ranked at level 10, they MEAN level 10.  Fittingly, Hottest Party introduces a new paradigm for the "boss" songs, which eventually got carried over to the rest of the series:

• A fast Happy-Hardcore song with relatively straightforward charts, usually performed by Jun.  In Hottest Party it is "Super Samurai".
• Something known as an "Evolved" song, having plenty of tempo changes and multiple randomly-chosen versions.  In Hottest Party it is "Tokyo Evolved" by Naoki Underground.
• In addition, the Japanese version of Hottest Party boasts a third boss song, "Pluto the First" by White Wall.  As the title suggests, this is another remix of "Pluto" from SuperNOVA2, and has more in common with the original than "Pluto Relinquish".  This was eventually ported abroad in Hottest Party 3 / X2.

Even more (easier to define) Hand Markers.  (From Hottest Party 2.)

Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party 2 (2008)

Also known as Dance Dance Revolution: Furu-furu Party in Japan.  Again, many of the licenced songs are covers, although they did get some original versions here and there.  The features and style are similar to the original, so you feel like giving the Hottest Party series a try, you could do well with either one or the other.  Preferably this one.  The new boss songs are:

• "Silver Wing" by Jun.  The happy-hardcore song.
• "Osaka Evolved" by Naoki Underground.  The Evolved song.

Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party 3 (2009)

Also known as Dance Dance Revolution: Music Fit in Japan.  Unlike the previous two entries, all the licenced songs in HP3 are the original recordings, with an emphasis on top-40 hits form 2008  A tie-in with the PS2 game Dance Dance Revolution X2 (not to be confused with the arcade game of the same name); more on DDR HP3 will follow in the article for that game.

DanceDanceRevolution (2010)

Also known as Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party 4 in Europe.  Added a Choreography Mode which used the Wii Balance Board and remotes, perhaps to compete with the likes of Ubisoft's Just Dance series.  A tie-in with the game of the same name for PlayStation 3 and XBox 360; more on DDR 2010 will follow in the article for those games.

DanceDanceRevolution II (2011)

Also known as Dance Dance Revolution: Hottest Party 5 in Europe.  The final DDR title released for the Wii, DDR II eschewed the functions and modes brought on by the previous Wii-exclusive entries, in order to bring itself more in line with the arcade/PlayStation paradigm.  Fitting, as this was a tie-in with the arcade game Dance Dance Revolution X3 vs. 2ndMIX.  More on DDR II will follow in the article for that game.

So yeah, there's lots I didn't want to spoil before I spoke about some other games, for being too similar to them.  That only stands as a testament to how much the Hottest Party series was accepted by new and hardcore fans alike.  So now that I've got that out of the way, it's time to revisit the arcade series for a little anniversary party, next time on Dance Dance Retrospective.

Game Review: Ghost Squad

Ghost Squad

• Publisher: Sega
• Developer: Sega AM2 / Aritificial Mind & Movement (Wii)
• Release:
• Arcade, 2004
• Wii, 20 November 2007
• Genre: 3D Action (Rail shooter)
• Players: 1-2 (Arcade), 1-4 (Wii)
• Save: 1 block (Wii)
• Rarity/Cost: Common, US$10-20 (Wii)

Anyone remember Target: Terror, that arcade light-gun shooter by Raw Thrills? No? Good on ya. Pretty much the only thing it contributed to its genre is that it's possible for one of these games to last longer than twenty minutes, although in doing so stripping out all the fun, charm, and gravitas (whatever gravitas remained in this genre) brought upon by its Japanese competitors. One of those competitors was Ghost Squad by Sega AM2, which not only started showing up in arcades around the same time as Target: Terror, but years later got a home port on the Nintendo Wii -- wouldn't you know, also around the same time as Target: Terror. So, what does Ghost Squad do right over its American rival? More importantly, does it do anything right?

I'll start with the plot, inasmuch as an arcade game meant to get players on and off the hot seat as fast as possible can have a plot. Unlike Target: Terror, where your only motivation is that your targets are terrorists and that's bad, the antagonist force in Ghost Squad has a name: the Indigo Wolves. Their rap sheet includes kidnapping the President of the United States -- twice, in two of the game's three missions -- and the president of an arms company. Because... evil. And so a non-governmental force called the M.O.P. dispatches squads of ghosts (not literally, I just wanted to make a pun from the title) to dispatch the Indigo Wolves' threats. As such, there's a fair bit of immersion to be gained from taking orders from a remote commander and "leading" computer-controlled team members, even if they bear no impact whatsoever on your game. So does the arcade version's controller, a big hulking thing which I think is modelled after an MP5. (Then again, it gets hard to keep holding the darn thing up during extended play, so forget about it.) But the immersion is quickly lost when you realise its characters have no characterisation to speak of, or for that matter, when you bear witness to the goofy voice-acting. So maybe Ghost Squad's story isn't so great, but more importantly, does it play any good?

Alternate fire modes may help you out.

It should; this isn't Sega AM2's first ride in the light-gun rodeo, so a lot of Ghost Squad's mechanics had become familiar by the time it was made. You shoot terrorist characters who will occasionally attempt to shoot at you, you don't shoot hostages or other unarmed persons under penalty of losing health points, and you change your magazine simply by pointing your gun (Wii Remote) off of the screen. No pulling the trigger (pressing B) or shaking the gun (Remote) necessary. Huh, that's new. Not exactly; Sega AM2's earlier shooter Confidential Mission (Arcade/Dreamcast, 2001) also handled reloading in this manner. But it's nice to see it implemented here on the Wii as well, since having to shake the gun (Remote) tends to mess up your aim, if not your focus, in a way that simply flicking your sights off to the side does not. In an actually new feature (for the arcade scene, at least), you can select your weapon type when starting a game, and most weapons feature alternate fire modes (single-shot, burst fire, full-auto, etc.) which you can toggle by flicking a switch above the trigger (pressing Left/Right on the Control Pad).

This game is short. There are only three levels, and very short ones at that -- I'm talking at least five minutes apiece -- and not even a final boss after it all to tie up the story, such as it is. That's not to say Ghost Squad doesn't have its ways of hooking you in for repeated play-throughs. By collecting experience points (in the Wii version only, I'm afraid), alternate paths will be unlocked for you to choose between during repeated visits, as will new weapons for you to try out. In addition, you'll be tasked with completing special objectives (again, also built upon from Confidential Mission), mainly in the vein of using your gun's (Wii Remote's) Action (A) button to defuse bombs, restrain hostages or fight in hand-to-hand combat, or simple sniping and protection segments. Mess these up, and you're still allowed to continue, maybe with a blow to your life meter. But completing these tasks, in addition to landing head shots or other special hits, fills up a separate "GS Meter". Filling this up gives you extra ammo for your alternate fire modes, thus providing a tangible... not really, more like "direct"... at least non-score-related reward for skillful play.

Tasks like defusing bombs are done with the Action (A) button.

In a genre which has become as formulaic as the arcade light-gun shooter, innovation is nine-tenths of the law, and Ghost Squad boasts enough exclusive features to help it stand above the crowd, even to this very day. Even better, these memorable traits have survived passage to the Wii, and then some. But this genre has often suffered from a lack of substance, and Ghost Squad is sadly no exception. It takes a lot more effort in this regard to make an arcade game suitable for the home experience, but given its progression of unlockables (including the goofy Ninja and Paradise modes), it's certainly worth more than one spin. Just wake me when you can pack in more than three levels.

Positives:
+ Sharp controls.
+ Many unlockable paths and weapons.
+ Silly additional modes are good for a laugh.

Negatives:
- Only three stages.
- Poor voice acting.

- An insubstantial story.

Control: 5 hostages out of 5
Design: 4 hostages out of 5
Graphics: 3 hostages out of 5
Audio: 1 hostages out of 5
Value: 2 hostages out of 5
The Call: 70% (C+)

Music Review: Get Lucky vs. Blurred Lines

"Get Lucky" Artist: Daft Punk (Thomas Bangalter, Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo) feat. Pharell Williams Album: Random Access Memories Genre: Dance/Electronic Label: Columbia / Daft Life Release: 19 April 2013 Writers: Daft Punk, Pharrell Williams, Nile Rodgers Producers: Daft Punk	"Blurred Lines" Artist: Robin Thicke feat. Pharell Williams & T.I. (Clifford Harris Jnr) Album: Blurred Lines Genre: Pop Label: Interscope / Star Trak Release: 26 March 2013 Writers: Robin Thicke, Pharell, T.I. Producer: Pharell

Disco.  Just one word can carry so much meaning, and in this case, "disco" may evoke in you memories of a musical genre laden in camp and too embarrassing to wish to recall.  After all, the phrase "Deader than Disco" is apparently a thing.  But what if this sound and even its spirit never left our public consciousness?  To that effect, I present three pieces of evidence for you kind people to ponder.  1) Compare the disco sound to the New Wave/New Romantic sub-genres which sprang up directly afterwards.  2) Consider the endless infusion of "in da club" pop-rap from the turn of the decade which, whilst having less to do with disco in terms of music, carries on its lyrical themes of material and sexual excess in the dance hall.  And 3) as I write this, there are three songs in the top ten which all claim influence from the disco sound of the 1970s, and to an extent the early 80s.  I am talking about the subjects of today's article, "Get Lucky" and "Blurred Lines", and also "Treasure" by Bruno Mars.  Which is alright, but I'm passing it over for now because A) the other two share singer Pharell, B) they both have similar lyrical themes, and C) comparisons tend to work best in twos.

The Music

The one word I would use to describe the music in "Get Lucky" is "authentic".  It strikes a balance between synthesizers and live instruments which was perfected in the late '70s and '80s, as we may have forgotten when reminiscing upon those times.  It probably helps that Daft Punk brought in co-writer and guitarist Nile Rodgers, formerly of the band Chic, which brought the disco scene some of its most iconic and, for better or worse, enduring tracks.  His funky shredding cleverly disguises the fact that, structurally, this song follows the Four Chords of Pop structure.

The vocals on "Get Lucky" are almost entirely sung by Pharell.  The nice thing about having him on here is that if you turn the pitch up and add some choice sound effects, bam, you can make him sound like Michael Jackson.  Something tells me Daft Punk would've drafted Michael Jackson if he were alive today.  Helps that the King of Pop dabbled in the disco sound himself.  Back to Pharell, his role is inverted on "Blurred Lines", where apart from the production work, his parts are reduced to the occasional ad-lib, while Robin Thicke takes centre stage and T.I. gets a guest rap verse.  T.I.'s alright, he's never been my least favourite rapper or anything, but for the frontman, Robin Thicke doesn't quite have the energy to carry so much weight on his own.  Also, he throws in the most annoying laugh I've ever heard in a pop song.  ...Oh wait, I just flashed back to Eminem in "Just Lose It".  Better make that the second most annoying laugh I've ever heard in a pop song.

Whereas "Get Lucky" draws inspiration from the height of the disco era, "Blurred Lines" evokes the genre's earlier years, leaning more towards the funk side of it.  Pharell's beat is inspired by (but not directly sampled from) the likes of Marvin Gaye's "Got to Give It Up", and anyone who draws inspiration from Marvin Gaye is alright in my book.  Unfortunately, there's nothing much else going on in the beat, and given Pharell's past history of making minimalism into an art form, when he says he only needed to spend an hour on the song [link], I believe it.  Thus, the one word I would use to describe the music in "Blurred Lines" is "cheap".

The Lyrics

There are similarities between the lyrics of "Get Lucky" and "Blurred Lines", the first being that both songs are from the point of view of a guy, or guys, cruisin' for a screwin'.  But they go about it differently.  Whereas Robin Thicke and T.I are deliberately more up-front in "Blurred Lines", Pharell in "Get Lucky" takes it slower and more intelligently, describing the scene as such in the first lines:

Like the legend of the Phoenix
All ends with beginnings
What keeps the planets spinning
The force from the beginning

I have no idea what that means, but it sound beautiful.  Maybe it's by virtue of Daft Punk's operating out of France which permits them to not rely on the lowest-common denominator as we Americans have perfected, but it's a breath of fresh air no matter how you explain it.  Numerous rappers have made the mistake of trying to be poetic after stating their intentions of getting in the guts of Mrs. Deuteragonist, but not so here: these are the first lines.  And... there's not much else to go by. Between two verses, a bridge, and a chorus, "Get Lucky" has but 16 distinct lines to its name before having to resort to repetition.  "Blurred Lines", on the other hand, can boast nearly twice as many.  Not necessarily better lines, mind you, but on the sliding scale of quantity vs. quality, at least it's sticking to a side and not living up to its namesake.  (You know, blurring the lines.)

To be fair, both songs use repetition in their hooks.  "Get Lucky" repeats "We're up all night to get lucky", and "Blurred Lines" repeats "I know you want it".  Despite "Get Lucky" repeating its line more often -- much more often -- they mix it up from time to time, such as layering another round of the chorus on top, or the Daft Punk guys morphing those words into a vocoder jam.  But when Robin Thicke repeats the line "I know you want it" in his chorus, it's done twice in the middle of it, so it comes across more like he's stalling for time.  To be fair, it is a panicky situation to run out of words during your song.

Okay, now he was close
Tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal
Baby, it's in your nature

*sigh* How many times have I told you?  Fellas?  It's not your place to claim you know the mindset of the target of your lust.  You don't know that.  YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!!

Just let me liberate ya
You don't need no papers
That man is not your maker

Okay, so this is another one of those "I will steal your girl" songs which was yet another unfortunate side effect of what I call the neo-disco era of the early 2010s.

I feel so lucky
You wanna hug me
What rhymes with "hug me"?
[beat]

Ugh, I can practically hear the guy from that "If you know what I mean" meme in those lines.  Not helping is the fact that Robin himself laughs a little whilst delivering that last line.  Or the fact that he rhymed "hug me" with itself and left the joke hanging.  But if it were an effort to defuse the obvious punchline, so much the better, I guess.  Either way, pickup jokes will get you know where.  See, Pharell knows how it's done, as he demonstrates on that other song:

What is this I'm feeling
If you want to leave I'm with it

Oh, and the phrase "get lucky" almost rhymes with "hug me".  What a tangled web we weave.  All the same, I wouldn't exactly call this stuff "rapey"; after all, we once had a song literally (minus censorship) titled "Tonight (I'm [verb]ing You)", and this is nowhere near as blunt.  That was, however, until I discovered the following line:

Baby, can you breathe?
I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me
Dakota to Decatur

By referring to Jamaica and breathing in the same couplet, this is a fairly obvious marijuana reference.  Although to be fair, I'm not familiar with marijuana's use as a date-rape drug.  Not that I have experience with date-rape drugs, either on the giving or receiving end, so that shows what I know.  Besides, this verse comes across as more like a suggestion than a threat.  Compare that to these lines from another song, namely "Shake That" by Eminem and Nate  (and yes, this was from Eminem's sucky period):

Pop a little champagne and a couple of E's
Mix it with the bubbly
[...]
I want a [noun] to sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can't but she won't say no (Not a rhyme -Ed.)
[...]
Tonight I want a [noun]
Hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

Now that certainly comes across as more fatalistic, like it's only one step above shouting "YOU GONNA GET RAPED".  "Blurred Lines"?  Not so much.  Pardon the pun, but of the many lines "Blurred Lines" blurs, it blurs the lines between Thicke playing a harmless pickup artist and a sexual predator.  Seriously, you can do much worse.  Besides, all three men involved in the conception and performance of this song have done the favour of reminding us that they are all happily married men and just having a little fun.  And I ain't calling them liars.  I mean come on, can't we all just enjoy "Blurred Lines" in the innocent spirit in which it was intended to be enjoyed?

...

Not when there are other, better disco throwbacks on the radio.

"Get Lucky": Lyrics: 4 out of 5 Music: 5 out of 5 Performance: 5 out of 5 The Call: 5 out of 5 (A)

"Blurred Lines": Lyrics: 2 out of 5 Music: 3 out of 5 Performance: 3 out of 5 The Call: 3 out of 5 (C)

Second Opinion: 1080 Snowboarding vs. Snowboard Kids

Despite the current lack of winter in the Northern Hemisphere, I recently got my hands on two snowboarding games for the Nintendo 64: Snowboard Kids by Atlus & Racdym, and 1080 Snowboarding by Nintendo. Both are titles I have fond memories renting as a kid, and both are titles I haven't touched in years. So which is better than the other? Well... they're different. But to explain which of the two quantifiably does what it does better... that would take more... explaining. In pondering such an... explanation (somebody give me a thesaurus), I flashed back to a certain review by the Video Game Critic. No, it's not Sonic 4, although it did generate negativity where I saw none. Yup, he/she/they gave Snowboard Kids a C+, whereas 1080 scored an A-, and apparently, that is cause for my concern. Looks like it's time to dust off the Second Opinion brand again!

1080 Snowboarding Publisher: Nintendo Developer: Nintendo Release: Nintendo 64, 31 March 1998 Genre: 1-4 player Sports/Racing Save: Battery, 1 file Rarity/Cost:Common, US$5-15	Snowboard Kids Publisher: Atlus Developer: Racdym Release: Nintendo 64, February 1998 Genre: 1-4 player Sports/Racing Save: Controller Pak, 121 Pages Rarity/Cost: Moderate, US$15-25

Design:

First of all, I can tell you up front that 1080 Snowboarding is more or less a straight-up racing game on snowboards, in which the main mode involves series of one-on-one races. Snowboard Kids, on the other hand, plays with that formula. One, you can pick up items to slow down your rivals or boost yourself. For this reason alone, the Video Game Critic aptly describes this as "Mario Kart on snowboards". So what kinds of pickups can one expect? More than can be described in his/her/their traditional one-paragraph reviews, that's for certain, but he/she/they do have something to say on the the matter:

[SK] Some weapons are incredibly cheap, like one that simultaneously drops pans on all of your opponent's heads (really?).

Ah yes, the dreaded pie pans. (Or possibly washtubs; I hear that's a real thing in anime.) Now, what he/she/they don't tell you is that there's actually a fair balance to the item allotments. The more effective goodies like the pie pans are more frequently given to players falling behind, whereas leading players are more likely to end up with lowly rocks (for tripping opponents with). Compare it with the Mario Kart series, and let me know if you manage to find a Blue Shell within the top three places.

And two, despite the one-way nature of snowboarding, the game manages to work in a lap system: at the finish line, you scoot over to a gate and ride a chair-lift to the top of the course. But it's not all good, as the VGC describes:

[SK] Each race requires several "runs" down the slope, and you need to enter a tiny lift gate at the bottom of each hill to ride back to the top. Why did they make these gates so tiny? They are so easy to miss! [...] The races are longer than Lindsay Lohan's rap sheet, so if one guy pulls way ahead it turns into a dull affair.

Alright, I will concede that fighting with your opponents to get the next seat on the chair-lift is not the best way to put this concept into practise. Why not just make it a cutscene -- or better yet, a skippable cutscene?

[1080] There are a nice variety of modes including match races, time trials, slalom events, long jumps, half pipes, and "contests" that mix up the challenges.

[SK] The single-player mode challenges to beat all the tracks, and you shouldn't overlook the mini-games which include a rapid-fire snowman shooter.

Both games feature stand-alone time trials and score trials, where you pull off stunts for points. By virtue of its unorthodox format, SK offers an exclusive mode where you shoot stationary snowmen. But unlike SK, in 1080 you can attempt these auxiliary modes on any track available in the central mode, and then some. However, what the Video Game Critic doesn't tell you is that "Long jumps" and "half pipes" merely refer to individual courses playable in one Trick Attack mode. Draw.

[1080] A nice two-player split screen mode is included and the cartridge automatically saves high scores.

[SK] The problem is, saving your progress requires 121 pages on a controller pack [sic], and that's pretty much the whole thing!

Yeah, that's a lot of space, I said understatedly. Frame of reference: a regulation-size Controller Pak holds 123 pages of data. This is one reason why my youthful preferences drifted more towards the N64 and away from the CD-based PlayStation: the ability to save progress without and additional purchase. The chance that my file might not be on the copy I rented the second time around was a chance I was willing to take. Point 1080.

Control:

[1080]The trails are more narrow than other snowboarding games, but it's not a problem since analog stick provides just the right degree of control. [...] Also, I noticed that some characters have trouble nailing their landings even after performing simple tricks.

[SK] The tracks are wide enough and the analog controls make it easy to carve.

Okay, this is where I beg to differ. In my experiences with 1080, the game offered me anything but the right degree of control. I could literally (not literally, mind you) never get my boarder to coast in a straight line, since every single turn left him or her faced at some angle. Which becomes problematic because there's a health meter, if you can believe it, and when it drains you have to trade in one of your limited "lives". Whilst ultimately playable, the unstable controls of 1080 provide for a serious case of "Your Mileage May Vary". At the very least, 1080's control setup boasts a feature missing from SK's: holding Z makes you duck down and go faster, without having to jump once you let go of the button. Point SK.

You can hardly ever keep straight in 1080 Snowboarding.

If I may be permitted to make an observation of my own, I shall compare the trick systems of both games. In 1080, the B button and Control Stick are used for grab tricks and the R for spins. On the other hand, to do spins/flips in Snowboard Kids, you have to hold the Control Stick before jumping, not in midair. You can also do grabs by pressing and holding one of the C buttons, but for some reason you can only perform one grab per jump. Combined, these rules make the stunt system in SK far more awkward than in 1080. And when doing tricks yields rewards other than points in a separate mode, it's kind of important not to mess that system up. Still, both these titles were planned and released before Tony Hawk's Pro Skater (PlayStation et al., 1999) came and standardised the extreme-sports genre, so either way you might encounter a degree of early-installment weirdness. Point 1080.

Graphics:

[1080] The graphics are superb, with awesome mountain backdrops, icy ridges, and blowing snow that looks so real you can feel the chill! I actually had to wear a hat, ski pants, and ski boots just to review this game. Most of the six courses are fairly realistic, and even the more unusual courses never go completely over-the-top like those in SSX (Playstation 2, 2000). [...] The sound of crisp snow crunching under your board is awesome, and I like the way snow flies as you slice through it.

[SK] The courses are very inviting with their well-groomed trails and bright blue skies. The night track is downright spectacular with gorgeous lighting effects and a quaint town backdrop. The tracks feature plenty ramps, cliffs, tunnels, and bridges to keep things interesting. [...] Most trails have appealing winter themes, but what's up with the "grass valley" stage? Who in the [expletive] [sic] wants to snowboard on grass? That doesn't even make any sense! There's also an amusement park track that's equally dumb - and unnecessary.

Somebody's gushing about games they like. Alright, bias aside, I can safely state that 1080 goes for a straight snowboard simulation, whereas SK takes a more fantastical bent. Both are reasonably competent at what they set out to do. On the one hand, 1080 fits in more details, like the trail of compressed snow behind your boarder, and the wind whipping at his or her clothes. But I don't know about "superb"; slowdown is occasional, the camera seems to have a fetish for "Dutch angles", and character animation is on the lifeless side.

As for Snowboard Kids, yes there is the occasional stage which takes place on non-snowy surfaces, like Green Valley (pictured below), Dizzy Land, and the unlockable Sand Mountain. And you consider that as valid grounds for criticism? Seriously, dude? Whatever happened to your spirit of whimsical fun? I mean, when your game features (alleged) 10-year-olds smacking each other about with snowmen, pie pans, and Cartoon Bombs, what else could you expect but something a little off-the-wall? And besides, it's not like grass, rocks, or sand have different physics than snow, so in essence, they all play the same! ...Granted it would be a nice technical achievement for them to have done so, but hey, gotta save something for the next console generation. Besides, why not talk about the character models, each easily discernable from one another and decked out with these giant noses, it's just... so... KLOOOOOOOOOOT!!! =^_^=

...

Yes, folks. A cat-emoticon. You see what ya made me do, Snowboard Kids!? Draw.

Grassy courses in Snowboard Kids, because why the [verb] not.

[SK] Power-ups and weapons are provided by creepy clown icons.

And another thing: no, that's a dog on the item boxes. You know, the same dog who runs the board shop from the main menu? Do you even do research for your reviews? Oh wait, you ignored Dimps' heavy involvement in Sonic 4, so I guess not.

Audio:

[1080] One negative aspect of the game is the soundtrack, which dishes out some of the most repetitive [noun] I've ever heard in a video game.

Alright, I'll agree with you there. The music in 1080 tries to emulate real house and rock music, which given the limited music synthesizer and storage space for samples proffered by the Nintendo 64, is no small feat. Unfortunately in doing so, they made some of the songs just plain annoying, in particular the track from the first level, Crystal Lake (no relation to Friday the 13th). SK, on the other hand, has decidedly more in common with "traditional" video game composition, with a stronger emphasis on instrumental melody, and is stronger for it. I for one especially liked the minor-key theme from the Night Highway course. Point SK.

Final Statements:

[1080] [...] 1080 is a phenomenal title that's hard to put down. Before SSX came along, nothing could touch this.

[SK] Bonehead design decisions not withstanding, this lighthearted racer will keep you in good spirits during the cold winter months.

Dear Video Game Critic, forgive me for not indulging in such gushing praise of 1080 Snowboarding. I still maintain that the unstable motion physics leave much to be polished up, but the straight-up racing and trick mechanics provide more than their share of satisfaction. But if I had to pick a proverbial deserted-island game, I'd personally prefer Snowboard Kids, for its creativity and innovation not only in the snowboarding sub-genre, but the kart-racing sub-genre from which it claims inspiration from. Yes, execution is nine-tenths of the law when it comes to reviewing video games, but it's also important to understand the designers' intentions, and I do wish the Video Game Critic could be more receptive in that regard.

1080 Snowboarding: Control: 2 1080s out of 5 Design: 3 1080s out of 5 Graphics: 4 1080s out of 5 Audio: 2 1080s out of 5 Value: 3 1080s out of 5 The Call: 65% (C)

Snowboard Kids: Control: 3 pie-pans out of 5 Design: 4 pie-pans out of 5 Graphics: 3 pie-pans out of 5 Audio: 4 pie-pans out of 5 Value: 3 pie-pans out of 5 The Call: 75% (B-)

So that's my review, but before I go, I've got one more punch to throw. Subsequent with his/her/their review on Snowboard Kids, the Video Game Critic published a review of its sequel Snowboard Kids 2 (Nintendo 64, 1999), which unfortunately had bestowed upon it a D+ rating. While some valid complaints were brought up about some less-than-desirable mechanics being carried over from the first game, the majority of the review was just him/her/they kvetching about its choice of non-traditional settings. No seriously, comments relating to the snowy settings -- or lack thereof -- literally compose half the review -- and mind you, I've been real particular about the use of the word "literally", mind you. And to that I say, OH MY GOD WHO THE [verb] CARES!? IT'S FUN!! Yes, pure simulations have their place in the market, and a well-deserved place at that. But when you have the immense power of a virtual world at your disposal, what's wrong with letting your imagination run wild? It would've been nicer if you spent more time examining what did get improved from SK, like the trick system; you can now do more than one grab per jump! So yeah, the same experience as SK, only with more and better content. If you don't mind shelling out an extra ten bucks for a used copy, I'd easily recommend Snowboard Kids 2 over its sequel, plus a bunch of sour grapes to the haters.

Game Review: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

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SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
Publisher: Sega
Developer: Sonic Team
Release:
XBox 360: 14 November 2006
PlayStation 3: 30 January 2007
Genre: 3D Action (Platformer)
Players: 1-2

Okay, by now, if you're a repeat visitor of this blog (in which case WHY HAVE YOU NOT SUBSCRIBED YET), you may have noticed my running gag of mentioning the sad fate of the would-be video game Mega Man Legends 3. Subsequently, if you haven't yet Liked the Facebook group GetMeOffTheMoon, the movement to revive development of Legends 3, you have no soul. Now, I can't remember any specific links to this, but on said page I have also read about a (considerably smaller) movement to plead of Sega to make a Sonic Adventure 3. What if I told you we already have a Sonic Adventure 3? And what if it was so bad you might disregard it and resume petitioning for a real Sonic Adventure sequel? Such is the sad fate of 2006's SONIC THE HEDGEHOG for XBox 360 and PlayStation 3. (NB: From here on in, I'm writing its title in capital letters to differentiate it from the Sega Genesis title, since PSN does the same.)

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Running from a killer whale. Deja vu.

There is a plot to be had, in which a certain Princess Elise is kidnapped by Dr. Eggman (whoa, encroaching on Bowser's territory there), who seeks from her something called the Flames of Disaster. Time travel is also involved. But let's put that aside for the moment and examine the first levels of the game. From an urban hub world (which by the way, is easy to get lost in with the little-to-no guidance you're given), you transfer to Wave Ocean, set on a beach, cliffs, and wooden walkways, capped off with a chase from a killer whale. Sound familiar? That's because this concept was copied directly from the first level of Sonic Adventure! And multiple other settings, such as the snow world and the volcano, appear in Sonic's story in a similar order as their Adventure counterparts. This being the case, I would totally not be surprised if Sonic Team revealed this to be an attempt at making an HD remake of Adventure. Unfortunately, they left Adventure's (admittedly vast) room for error unimproved whilst fouling up in nearly every other conceivable aspect.

Like the Sonic Adventure duology, the single-player mode is broken up into three stories, each starring a different hedgehog. Sonic gets one, Shadow another, and the third stars the newcomer Silver. The majority of levels are no-frills 3D platforming, your objective being to reach the end of each level, somehow surviving every obstacle to come your way. The levels feature your standard array of loops, spikes, dash pads, and checkpoints, as seen in Sonic Adventure. It's too bad the control scheme and movement physics are still poorly-suited for a 3-D platformer. Like for example, and for the record this problem has been around since Sonic Adventure, if you turn whilst running, your player character will not lose momentum. As the Sonic franchise had yet to overcome its crippling addiction of adding new characters for each new outing, every so often you'll tag with characters like Tails, Knuckles, Rouge and Blaze, to clear passages as them and help out the main character. They all have unique mechanics, i.e. Tails can fly and throw fake-ring bombs, but these tend to backfire. For example, in the case of Tails, the flight controls are even more twitchy than those on foot, making landing on a precise spot a tense chore, and whilst you can aim projectiles, there's no cursor for doing so, adding an unwelcome and unnecessary bit of guesswork to the matter. At least the Knuckles treasure hunts of Adventure/2 are a thing of the past.

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This format extends to all three campaigns, Sonic, Shadow and Silver, but with their own separate twists. In some parts of Sonic's levels, you are "treated" to high-speed chase sequences, and I mean "treated" with the thickest sarcasm I can muster. In these auto-running passages, Sonic must dodge all obstacles, from enemies to lowly rocks and trees, lest he take damage and lose either rings or a life. This wouldn't be so bad, except the controls are so touchy that even keeping a straight course requires nerves of steel. In a more sensible control scheme, pressing Left or Right on the joystick would make Sonic strafe in that direction whilst still facing the same way, but as it's implented here, turning left or right means literally turning your course left or right. If you're on a walkway trying to collect some precious rings or a 1-up, but touching the guardrails on either side will hurt you, you can see why this would be a problem. The Sonic Unleashed engine shows how this mechanic could be done right, so at least we can't say Sonic Team doesn't learn from their mistakes.

Silver the Hedgehog can control objects with telekinesis -- and break the physics engine doing so.

Meanwhile, Shadow can hop into armed vehicles when available (Dangit Sega, we're trying to forget Shadow The Hedgehog!). Silver, being gifted with psychic powers, can maniplate objects with telekinesis, and throw them back at enemies and other targets. You think I'd find that awesome, but my experiences controlling Silver have left me coloured unimpressed. See, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG incorporates the Havok physics engine, made famous by Half-Life 2, a game I really liked. But SONIC THE HEDGEHOG turns that asset into a liability, because collision detection is constantly on the fritz, and coupled with the stiff and unruly camera and the hyped-up control sensitivity, makes for unnecessarily challenging movement. Whilst collision issues have been around since Adventure, what's new here is that there are all manner of physics glitches brought upon by the Havok engine, as implemented in this game. One example has Sonic doing trip-attacks atop a crate, causing the box and Sonic to inexplicably rise up in the air. See the video below for this and other examples.

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And now to discuss what is perhaps the game's most infamous iss--

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--ue. You guessed it: the loading times. It's not that each bout of loading is incredibly long -- most individual loads take but twenty seconds apiece on the PS3 version -- but that they are frequent and horribly inefficient. For example, take the case of an early boss fight against Silver, which takes place in a section of one of the overworld towns. The current state of investigations seems to indicate that when loading this fight, the entire town is sent over from the disc, despite the fight taking place in a relatively enclosed space the size of one city block. Or take the numerous side-missions, triggered by speaking with people across the overworld. Whilst only a handful are required to complete the story, they'll get on your nerves, and here's why:

1. Talk to the person.
2. 20 seconds of loading.
3. Read a line or two of non-voiced text, vaguely describing your objective.
4. 20 seconds of loading.
5. Play the mission.
6. 20 seconds of loading.
7. Read a line of non-voiced text, confirming your success or failure. If you won the mission, your results and rewards are also displayed.
8. 20 seconds of loading.
9. Return to the town. If you failed the mission, repeat from step 1.

Are you wondering why there's so much loading before steps 3 and 7, if nothing much is happening? Again, it is highly likely that the game is reloading the entire town during these steps, even though you're only waiting to read a line or two of text -- without even voice acting! What they should've done is display these minuscule monologues on the loading screens, thus knocking out any excuses for reloading the world for a scene that only lasts for mere seconds. But what do I know about big-budget game development? I'm sure Sonic Team knows something I don't about how to go about these things, given the time and effort they spent on the project -- oh wait, they crammed to put it out for Christmas and the PlayStation 3 launch. Let this be a lesson that cram schedules will get you nowhere. It backfired for the Atari E.T., and it backfired here.

>>> NOW That's enough, this loading joke has gone on long enough.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG is one of the most offensive video games I have yet played. True, there are games out there that are quantifiably worse, not to mention intentionally offensive, but SONIC THE HEDGEHOG specifically offends my sensibilties as a gamer. And it's not like there aren't good touches here and there, like the purchasable and upgradable Custom Actions. And it's not like I don't want this to exist, I want it to be better. I mean, just a few little tweaks here and there could've been applied to make the final product passable, perhaps even good. First of all, trim all that fat off of the loading times. Make a control scheme that doesn't feel like you're sliding on ice. Give us a better indication of what to do next in the overworlds, or axe them completely. Not to mention, throw in a metric butt-load of extra testing time. ...Shoot, that's a lot of stuff to fix. On second thought, just scrap the whole thing and give us Sonic Colors.

Positives:

+ The upgrade system.

+ A few cool environments.

+ A decent soundtrack, par for the Sonic course.

Negatives:

- Awful 3D controls.

- Broken physics.

- Horribly inefficient loading.

- Inane story moments.

- Basically an even-worse retread of Sonic Adventure.

Control: 1 Chaos Emerald out of 5
Design: 2 Chaos Emeralds out of 5
Graphics: 2 Chaos Emeralds out of 5
Audio: 4 Chaos Emeralds out of 5
Value: 2 Chaos Emeralds out of 5
The Call: 25% (F)

NB: I should note that my experiences playing SONIC THE HEDGEHOG were based on the PlayStation 3 version, which followed the original release on XBox 360 by a couple of months. Despite the extra time, the PS3 port is somehow worse. Loading times are several seconds longer on the PS3 than the 360, and despite the eventual support for Trophies on PS3 games, the counterpart Achievements from the 360 version were never patched into the other one (and I know for a fact this has been done). This is cause for concern on the matter of the collectable Silver Medallions. These unlock nothing within the game itself, but find them all in the XBox 360 port, and you win an Achievement for it. But without a corresponding Trophy, the Silver Medallions are worthless.

Editorial: XBox One vs. Atari 5200

Edit 23 June 2013:  As of the 19th, Microsoft has officially announced that their plans for the XBox One to limit the running of used games, as well as require an online connection once every 24 hours, will not be implemented in the final product.  Thus, vast chunks of my article below have been rendered null and void.  Still, I'll keep it up for posterity's sake.  And now for the main event.  ...But first, a prologue!

Previously on the SDP, I reviewed 007 Legends, a video game which received a port for the Wii U, the first combatant in the eight-generation console war.  More recently, news has been rolling in about its future competitors -- and in the case of the XBox One, it hasn't been so good.  So much that I can't help but to connect it to the past...  But before we get to that, I have an announcement to make.  As an effort to prop up the sagging view count of my video reviews, I have decided to embed said videos into my articles on this very blog!  Look for the "video" tag on my new and existing posts, or better yet, click this link to search for them right away.  And seeing as how my most-viewed article yet, "The Top 10 Worst Pitbull Lyrics", got its own episode back in my first season, there should be great potential in this endeavour.  Good, now that that's covered, on with the show!

Left: The XBox One.  Right: The Atari 5200.
Colour-coded for your convenience!

Ladies and gentlemen, our beloved video game industry is at a crossroads that will make or break its future.  The transition to the eighth console generation is upon us, with Nintendo's Wii U already on shelves, to be followed later this year by the PlayStation 4 by Sony and the XBox One by Microsoft.  I'm going to jump the gun and say that I have no immediate plans to purchase any of these three devices.  Having only recently stepped up to a PS3, I'm just now acclimating to the full potential of the current console generation, and I have to say it's doing something right.  But how much of this will pass over to the next generation, and whether or not any bad aspects will eclipse the good, remains to be seen.  In fact, the future has me so scared, that I'm willing to draw conclusions to the landscape thirty years ago which led to the Video Game Crash of 1983 -- and willing to dissect my own points in the hopes of disproving them.  Specifically, here are some reasons why the XBox One will be the second coming of the infamous Atari 5200, followed by some reasons why it won't.

• It's big.  Not sure if that'll make or break either, but let's get the small stuff out of the way first.
• It makes you go through hoops to connect the durn thing.  The Atari 5200 "innovated" with its hookups; instead of having separate power and signal outputs on the console itself, it had one port which led to an automatic switch box, to and from which you would hook up the TV connection and power cord.  Whilst in some ways an improvement over the RF switches that came before it (you get a brownie if you remember what an RF switch is), it bulked up and complicated the hookup situation -- something that was already bulked up and complicated enough.
  I realise this isn't the same thing, but I am drawing a slight connection to the XBox One's online-only rumours that have flown off and on our collective radar.  As it stands, it can only run games -- even offline, single-player games -- within 24 hours of connecting to the internet.  It's no secret that the Internet has been, on the whole, a great boon to gamers, enabling soloists to experience multiplayer offerings and the convenience of digital distribution.  But let's face it: not everyone can afford a decent Internet connection, especially in this economy (if we're still allowed to make that excuse).  Or maybe people like to travel with their consoles and hook them up in places where they can't get an Internet connection.  So you can by now you can see the problem with a console that refuses to play even hard-copy games without being suitably plugged into the interwebs.  Yes, you giant software conglomerates, I do recognise your opinion that moves like this could hinder piracy, but is it really worth alienating the 99.9999999999 (I could go on) percent of consumers who abide by the law?  And besides, don't you have enough money already?
• TV integration.  While I've just maligned the 5200's connector box, it was designed to automatically switch from displaying TV signals to the 5200's output when it was switched on.  The XBox One, in being touted as an all-in-one entertainment centre, rather infamously had touted its abilities to play subscription-based video servies like HBO, in addition to making Skype video calls at the same time.  That's nice and all, but why not use separate machines we may already own to do the same?
• The controller.  The 5200's controller was panned for its numeric keypad and its analog joystick (admittedly, an innovation in 1982) which didn't re-center.  Certainly the traditional controller sold with the XBox One should be just fine.  I mean, they fixed the D-Pad!  No, I'm talking about the Kinect camera.  I've never tried its 360 counterpart, but if my past experiences with the PlayStation 2's EyeToy is anything to go by, I expect the Kinect to fail in all but the simplest of motion-tracking tasks.  And now I'm hearing the XBox One requires the Kinect to run, just to entice us with all those juicy voice commands?  No, I'm sure Microsoft won't use this as a clever ploy to spy on us, with malicious intent or otherwise, (Right?  ...Right???) but it still presents its own problems, like if the Kinect were to, say, break.  Oh, and the one thing the 5200 and XBox One have in common?  No backwards compatibility with their predecessor's controllers, despite the fact that those controllers could work in all manner of other machines.
• Speaking of which, no backwards compatibility with older games is another shared drawback of the 5200 and XBox One.  Microsoft has stated that the XBox One's hardware and software architecture has been revamped in such a manner as to render 360 emulation impractical if not impossible.  And I can understand that... doesn't mean I like it.
• Finally, the price.  The Atari 5200 sold for US$299 at its launch in November 1982.  At the time, the 5-year-old 2600 was selling for half as much.  The XBox One will start at US$499 upon its release in November 2013.  Meanwhile, the Wii U and PS4 cost / will cost upwards of $300 and $400 respectively.

And now for some differences that will allay fears of history repeating -- or create new fears where none existed previously.

• Peoples' concept of video games has changed drastically over the past thirty years.  Our hobby has achieved more understanding amongst the non-gaming public, save the odd lunatic to "preach" against virtual violence, and in some ways, has become more mainstream.  Case in point: over its subsequent releases, the subsequent Call of Duty titles have garnered the greatest opening-weekend profit for any piece of entertainment across all media -- more than movies, more than music, more than books.
• Used game lockouts.  I don't know if there was a burgeoning used-game market in the time of the Atari 5200, but one thing's for sure: we have one now.  And now the XBox One is going to limit their proliferations through means currently unclarified.  So far I understand that there will be a fee for installing a game on more than one console, and there are rules beyond that which have totally lost me.  Now, I haven't always seen eye-to-eye with the major game retail chains -- more like chain, singular, as I haven't seen a stand-alone EB Games store in years.  Personally, I blame their refusal to stock anything from the 20th century -- in fact, I know a GameStop location that, as I'm writing this, is clearing out their stock PlayStation 2 games.  Yeah, turns out that some people still like retro gaming.  Speaking of which, if you live in the Philadelphia area and are tired of suckling off of the EB-GameStop teat, might I suggest a visit to:
  
  Classic Game Junkie
  111 South Easton Road
  Glenside, PA 19038
  
  Yes, product placement.  Happens to the best of us.  Back on point, I've taken issue with that and the overly-promoted rip-off that is trading in games.  But without people selling their software to the stores, we wouldn't have their delightful array of used games.  So my point is, some people will giveth, and some will taketh away.
• Last but most importantly, GAMES.  The 5200 only managed 69 games in its library.  Whilst the XBox One doesn't yet have its own library of games, technically speaking, we already have 44 titles announced at the time of writing -- and that's only retail titles!  One thing I've noticed over the current generation is the divergence of the market into two tiers: the full-budget, triple-A titles on the one hand, and the smaller-scale downloadable titles on the other.  I have to say, I admire this development at least in theory.  Independent developers now have the opportunity to get their video games onto consoles without being hindered by a huge operating cost or the counter-productive whims of marketing execs.  At the same time, the big retail titles are still able to push the technical and graphical boundaries further and further.  Besides, I'll admit to Call of Duty being a guilty pleasure of mine, if only for its online multiplayer model.

Come to think of it, this precarious dichotomy serves as a model for the video game industry in macrocosm.  In short, our hobby is becoming more corporatised.  In long, not only are triple-A titles converging into a giant grey blob of sameyness, but still manage to rake in millions upon millions of currency units (not to mention coverage on the lame-stream media outlets).  And just as the software is fast falling prey to what the know-nothing marketing execs think will sell, the hardware (more so the XBox One) is playing to the paranoid whims of the boys from accounting.  So all that being the case, it is my hope, if not prediction, that the XBox One will be a total washout.  But more importantly, it shows that if the video game market implodes, it won't implode in the same ways it did in the early 80s.  We'll still have the spirit of originality which only independent developers will provide.   Either that or we can have the Japanese bail us out again.

And when the buck are we going to get Mega Man Legends 3!?