- Publisher: Warner Bros.
- Production Studio: Lucasfilm Animation
- Release: 15 August 2008
- Genre: Action, Fantasy
- Director: Dave Filoni
- Producer: Catherine Winder
- Writers: Helen Ginroy, Stephen Melching, Scott Murphy
Previously on the SDP, I reviewed Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, finally wrapping up the Star Wars prequel trilogy. But not quite... as the great philosopher Yoda once said, "There is another". That would be Star Wars: The Clone Wars, a 3D-CG animated movie serving as an inter-quel between Episodes II and III, and as a prelude to the TV series of the same name. Which confused me, because I thought there already was a 2D cartoon of the same name and concept, but apparently that one doesn't have a "the" in the title. But no, they decided to start over with a 3D cartoon, because [verb] it, everything has to be 3D these days. ...I don't want to do this. Even people who have found something to like in either The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones struggle to say anything worthwhile about this thing. But, I set out to review all of the Star Wars movies, and since I already spent my "Get Out Of Review Free" card on the Holiday Special (Maybe some other time...), here we are. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... Star Wars: The Clone Wars.
We open not with a text crawl, but with a narrator (Tom Kane) giving us a newsreel-style introduction of the titular Clone Wars. I don't know about you, but speaking from a future perspective, I can't help but be reminded of the radio intros from The Legend of Korra, and subsequently, that I'd rather be watching Korra now. But we're dropped into a battle in medias res, so at least The Clone Wars starts off better than most of the prequels. Jedi knights Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor) and Anakin Skywalker (Matt Lanter), with their clone trooper unit, have scored a small victory against the separatist droid army, only for their gains to be double-backsies re-taken by enemy reinforcements.
As the Republic soldiers regroup, they are joined by a messenger from the Jedi Council, in the form of Ahsoka Tano (Ashley Eckstein), a teenage Jedi trainee who introduces herself, by decree of Yoda, as Anakin's new apprentice. Ahsoka has a thing where she frequently argues with Anakin over their next course of action, and nine times out of ten, she just so happens to be right. I would get annoyed over her personality, but considering that she's dealing with Anakin frickin' Skywalker, I'll give her a pass. Oddly though, while a lot of the performances in this movie are totally phoned in, even from what few actors were willing to come back from the main movies, the guy who plays Anakin has a more engaging performance than either of his flesh-and-blood portrayals thus far. He's no great shakes, but he at least does have an actual range of emotions, something like what real humans possess! Funny how his new actor was also the guy whom Disaster Movie joked about ruining Star Wars, but I digress. Anakin and Ahsoka Metal Gear their way under the shield -- no, seriously, they hide inside a box as the shield passes over them, in plain sight of the marching battle droids, no less. They fight the droids, shut down their shields, and one again the day is saved, or something.
So, why was the Republic in such a tight spot? Well, there was a sub-plot which kind of becomes the main plot in the second act. Chancellor Palpatine (Ian Abercrombie) and the Senate are trying to negotiate with Jabba the Hutt, the slug-like mob boss from elsewhere in the series, for use of his territory's airspace, for lack of a better term. (Space-space?) Thing is, Jabba has lost his infant son, Rotta the Huttling, who was kidnapped by the Separatists in order to have Jabba join their side. So Anakin and Ahsoka are dispatched to the jungle planet Teth to find the Huttling, while Obi-Wan goes to Tattooine, to negotiate with Jabba and buy them time. It starts out promisingly enough, with a fight scene in which our heroes defend a walker-tank climbing up a vertical wall. They also try to set a lighter tone with comedic moments presented by some of the battle droids, of all "people", and the results are mixed. Here's one of their better moments:
Meanwhile meanwhile, fearing the failure of Anakin and Ahsoka's mission, Senatore Padme (Catherine Taber) and the senate form a backup plan. Coincidence of all coincidences, Jabba has a nephew, named Ziro the Hutt (Corey Burton), operating on the very same planet as her. So Padme pays him a visit and appeals for Ziro to put in a good word, but her pleas fall on deaf ears, assuming Hutts even have ears in the traditional sense. After leaving, she eavesdrops on Ziro holo-chatting with Count Dooku, confirming their conspiracy to frame the Jedi for the Huttling's disappearance, but is captured for her efforts. In an escape attempt, she tricks one of the battle droids -- with reverse psychology, no less -- into activating her communicator, letting her send a distress message to C-3PO. If Ziro had any common sense, he'd have had Padme blasted right then and there, but this is not that kind of movie.
Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Anakin and Ahsoka crash-land on Tatooine. They would've had a smoother landing, but he had her turn off the ship's shields, making Ahsoka right for, oh, the five hundred-seventy-third time in this movie. Oh, I almost forgot to mention: the Huttling has been down with a sickness this whole time, but Ahsoka cures it with the help of a medical-droid-hologram which just so happens to be on the ship which they just so happened to fly out on! But anyway, since Dooku and Ventress are on their tail, our heroes split up, with Ahsoka taking the Huttling in her care. Anakin turns himself in to Dooku, only to reveal that he's been carrying not the Huttling, but a decoy. And then... everything just resolves itself! Ahsoka storms in with the real Huttling. But when Jabba orders our heroes to be executed anyway, a hologram from Padme comes in, exposing Dooku and Ziro's plot against him. Jabba states his intentions to discipline Ziro for his treachery, and to sign that space-space treaty with the Republic, while our villains plot ominously. You are now free to turn off your TV.
You may have noticed that the flow of this movie's plot feels episodic, and that was by design. These were actually meant to be first few episodes of the new TV series, but when George Lucas saw them, he was somehow pleased enough that he had them stitched together into a feature film. It reminds me some anime OVAs from back in the day that did the same kind of thing. Just off the top of my head, I can think of Sonic the Movie, a failed attempt at creating a Sonic the Hedgehog anime series, but that's a review for another day. The show which spawned from The Clone Wars, on the other hand, was quite successful, lasting for six seasons and a follow-up series, Star Wars: Rebels. I haven't seen either show, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, but based solely on this movie... what do people like about The Clone Wars?
It can't be for its looks. George Lucas said he didn't want to have a realistic style of animation, as with Pixar or his own live-action Star Wars movies, for the sake of being different. Instead, he did claim to draw inspiration from Japanese anime (pfft, yeah right) and British supermarionation, a la Thunderbirds or Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons. [1] ...Actually, that last one sounds about right, and not as a compliment. The character models have this angular look to them, and there's a jerky stop-and-go flow to their movement, which make for decidedly unimpressive, even unsettling, animation. You know, for a studio which goes to such lengths to make CGI creatures which kinda, sorta look and move realistically, they really weren't pitching their A-game this time around! And yet, surprising as it may sound coming from me, I don't think the 2D animation of the 2003 Clone Wars was that much better, since it also had problems with over-stylising characters and moving them as little as possible. You know, for a director who brought us the likes of Samurai Jack, he really wasn't pitching his A-game and didn't I just say that already? Oh well, that's a review for another day. Also, what's with all the Dutch angles? I just noticed that all three of the screenshots I plucked for this article have them. What is this, Battlefield Earth?
In conclusion, Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a big, fat waste of time. For all the bad stuff in the "real" prequels, there was interesting stuff in them, too. Even Attack of the Clones had that "death sticks" scene! But what do I remember The Clone Wars for? Babysitting, and a sissy villain. That's about it. Yeah, maybe there are a few better bits here and there, but they aren't strong enough to elevate this movie out of its mire of mediocrity. It's not Holiday Special bad, but unless you're a major fan of the TV show and absolutely need to know how it starts, there's no real reason to try this. And don't tell me that this movie was aimed at children, because our Padawans deserve better, dangit!
Positives:
+ Visually-striking settings.
+ Anakin has better acting here than in any of the other prequels.
Negatives:
- Lame plot elements for much of the movie.
- A whole lot of problems simply resolve themselves.
- Lousy low-budget animation, by Lucasfilm's own standards.
Writing: 1 Huttling out of 5
Acting: 2 Huttlings out of 5
Animation: 1 Huttling out of 5
Visual Design: 3 Huttlings out of 5
The Call: 40% (F)
[1] Weprin, Alex. "George Lucas Talks 'Clone Wars'". Broadcasting & Cable, April 3, 2008.
We open not with a text crawl, but with a narrator (Tom Kane) giving us a newsreel-style introduction of the titular Clone Wars. I don't know about you, but speaking from a future perspective, I can't help but be reminded of the radio intros from The Legend of Korra, and subsequently, that I'd rather be watching Korra now. But we're dropped into a battle in medias res, so at least The Clone Wars starts off better than most of the prequels. Jedi knights Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor) and Anakin Skywalker (Matt Lanter), with their clone trooper unit, have scored a small victory against the separatist droid army, only for their gains to be double-backsies re-taken by enemy reinforcements.
As the Republic soldiers regroup, they are joined by a messenger from the Jedi Council, in the form of Ahsoka Tano (Ashley Eckstein), a teenage Jedi trainee who introduces herself, by decree of Yoda, as Anakin's new apprentice. Ahsoka has a thing where she frequently argues with Anakin over their next course of action, and nine times out of ten, she just so happens to be right. I would get annoyed over her personality, but considering that she's dealing with Anakin frickin' Skywalker, I'll give her a pass. Oddly though, while a lot of the performances in this movie are totally phoned in, even from what few actors were willing to come back from the main movies, the guy who plays Anakin has a more engaging performance than either of his flesh-and-blood portrayals thus far. He's no great shakes, but he at least does have an actual range of emotions, something like what real humans possess! Funny how his new actor was also the guy whom Disaster Movie joked about ruining Star Wars, but I digress. Anakin and Ahsoka Metal Gear their way under the shield -- no, seriously, they hide inside a box as the shield passes over them, in plain sight of the marching battle droids, no less. They fight the droids, shut down their shields, and one again the day is saved, or something.
 |
| On a scale of "Jar Jar Binks" to "Han Shot First", newcomer Ahsoka Tano scores... an Ewok. Not great, but could be worse. |
Droid Commander: Concentrate fire on sector 11374265!But then our heroes actually find the Huttling, and we witness this film for what it really is... a baby-sitting plot. They stress out over keeping that... thing alive, and they call it "Stinky" because... you figure it out. I want to die. Also, Anakin keeps calling Ahsoka by the nickname "Snips" because... it is the will of the Force, I don't know. On their way out of there, they run into Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) and his new apprentice, Asajj Ventress (Nika Futterman) They escape the monastery aboard alien dragonflies, accidentally inspiring James Cameron's Avatar in the process, and a spaceship which the Huttling contrivedly managed to point out for them. Meanwhile, Dooku and Ventress pay a visit to Jabba and convince him that the Jedi are to blame for abducting his son, thanks to a few contrivedly-captured voice clips of Anakin offhandedly expressing his dislike of Hutts. With this, they hope to bring the Hutts' trade routes under Separatist control, and disgrace the Jedi in one fell swoop. Good luck with that...
Droid Sergeant: 1137... what was that, again?
Droid Commander: [pointing] Just fire right there!
 |
| Ziro the Hutt? More like Ziro out of ten! ...I'll see myself out. |
Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Anakin and Ahsoka crash-land on Tatooine. They would've had a smoother landing, but he had her turn off the ship's shields, making Ahsoka right for, oh, the five hundred-seventy-third time in this movie. Oh, I almost forgot to mention: the Huttling has been down with a sickness this whole time, but Ahsoka cures it with the help of a medical-droid-hologram which just so happens to be on the ship which they just so happened to fly out on! But anyway, since Dooku and Ventress are on their tail, our heroes split up, with Ahsoka taking the Huttling in her care. Anakin turns himself in to Dooku, only to reveal that he's been carrying not the Huttling, but a decoy. And then... everything just resolves itself! Ahsoka storms in with the real Huttling. But when Jabba orders our heroes to be executed anyway, a hologram from Padme comes in, exposing Dooku and Ziro's plot against him. Jabba states his intentions to discipline Ziro for his treachery, and to sign that space-space treaty with the Republic, while our villains plot ominously. You are now free to turn off your TV.
 |
| This is supposed to be Count Dooku, not some creepy wooden Christmas decoration. Could've fooled me. |
It can't be for its looks. George Lucas said he didn't want to have a realistic style of animation, as with Pixar or his own live-action Star Wars movies, for the sake of being different. Instead, he did claim to draw inspiration from Japanese anime (pfft, yeah right) and British supermarionation, a la Thunderbirds or Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons. [1] ...Actually, that last one sounds about right, and not as a compliment. The character models have this angular look to them, and there's a jerky stop-and-go flow to their movement, which make for decidedly unimpressive, even unsettling, animation. You know, for a studio which goes to such lengths to make CGI creatures which kinda, sorta look and move realistically, they really weren't pitching their A-game this time around! And yet, surprising as it may sound coming from me, I don't think the 2D animation of the 2003 Clone Wars was that much better, since it also had problems with over-stylising characters and moving them as little as possible. You know, for a director who brought us the likes of Samurai Jack, he really wasn't pitching his A-game and didn't I just say that already? Oh well, that's a review for another day. Also, what's with all the Dutch angles? I just noticed that all three of the screenshots I plucked for this article have them. What is this, Battlefield Earth?
In conclusion, Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a big, fat waste of time. For all the bad stuff in the "real" prequels, there was interesting stuff in them, too. Even Attack of the Clones had that "death sticks" scene! But what do I remember The Clone Wars for? Babysitting, and a sissy villain. That's about it. Yeah, maybe there are a few better bits here and there, but they aren't strong enough to elevate this movie out of its mire of mediocrity. It's not Holiday Special bad, but unless you're a major fan of the TV show and absolutely need to know how it starts, there's no real reason to try this. And don't tell me that this movie was aimed at children, because our Padawans deserve better, dangit!
Positives:
+ Visually-striking settings.
+ Anakin has better acting here than in any of the other prequels.
Negatives:
- Lame plot elements for much of the movie.
- A whole lot of problems simply resolve themselves.
- Lousy low-budget animation, by Lucasfilm's own standards.
Writing: 1 Huttling out of 5
Acting: 2 Huttlings out of 5
Animation: 1 Huttling out of 5
Visual Design: 3 Huttlings out of 5
The Call: 40% (F)
[1] Weprin, Alex. "George Lucas Talks 'Clone Wars'". Broadcasting & Cable, April 3, 2008.
