Film Review: You Only Live Twice

You Only Live Twice

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 13 June 1967
• Genre: Action
• Director: Lewis Gilbert
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writer: Roald Dahl

The Girls: Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi), a Japanese SIS agent, poisoned by a SPECTRE assassin, and "Kissy" Suzuki (Mie Hama), a civilian pearl-diver who gets "married" to Bond. A couple of girls so forgettable, they even killed off one of them, and you'd be hard-pressed to notice the difference. 2 out of 5.

Other Allies: "Tiger" Tanaka (Tetsurou Tanba), head of the SIS, Japan's equivalent of MI6. Also commands a ninja team which launches an assault on SPECTRE's base. Another joyful performance in the vein of Kerim Bey. 5 out of 5.

Richard Henderson (Charles Gray), one of Bond's contacts in Tokyo. He also has a fair camaraderie with Bond, having allegedly served in a war together.  Of course, that doesn't stop him from accidentally serving him a martini "stirred, not shaken".  Stabbed in the back by a SPECTRE assassin.  4 out of 5.

The Villain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance), the number 1 executive of SPECTRE. While his performance is a little weak, the way he manipulates everyone, even those loyal to him, commands some thunder out of his presence. Plus, the way he's been kept out of sight for the past few movies only adds to the drama of his big reveal. Escapes after his operation is foiled.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Mr. Osato (Teru Shimada), head of the Osato chemical concern and an accomplice of Blofeld, shot by Blofeld; Helga Brandt (Karin Dor), assassin and the number 11 executive of SPECTRE, dropped into a piranha pond by Blofeld; and Hans (Ronald Rich), Blofeld's bodyguard and a Red Grant expy, thrown into the same piranha pond by Bond. A forgettable roundup. Not helping is the fact that Brandt and Hans are ripoffs of other characters (respectively, Red Grant and Fiona Volpe), and that Hans, in particular, is given very little to do. 2 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Not much in the way of gadgets. The most notable one is a miniature rocket launcher hidden in a cigarette, supplied by Tanaka's ninja team. As for vehicles, Aki drives a white Toyota 2000GT convertible, equipped with a closed-circut TV link to Tanaka.  Fun Fact: The car was originally sold only as a hard-top coupe, but since the 6-foot-2 Sean Connery could not fit comfortably inside, they modified it for the film to be roofless.  Not to be outdone, Q provides Bond with "Little Nellie", a personal helicopter armed with rockets, mines, and more. 3 out of 5.

The Locations: This film takes place almost entirely in one country, Japan, with the exception of the opening scenes in Hong Kong. Fun Fact: This is the only Bond film not to have any scenes set within the United Kingdom, unless you were to count their then-terrirory of Hong Kong. Second Fun Fact: The Little Nellie scene had to be filmed in Spain; it was originally set over a national park in Japan, but local authorities did not take kindly to stuff blowing up overhead.

The Opening Sequence: A boring intro that uses three elements: footage of volcanoes erupting in the background, and silhouettes of geishas and these spiderweb/satellite things in the foreground. 1 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Nancy Sinatra. It makes the opening credits even more boring, but at least the lyrics give you something to ponder: "You only live twice / or so it seems / one life for yourself / and one for your dreams". The very words I live by. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: This was the first Bond movie to noticeably differ from its source novel, thanks to replacement writer Roald Dahl (of all people). The book, which takes place after On Her Majesty's Secret Service, starts with Bond taking a cushy diplomatic job in Tokyo to recover his mental health after the death of his wife. Things get complicated when he discovers that Blofeld is living somewhere in the country, running a castle and garden filled with poisonous plants and animals. Tanaka helps Bond prepare a one-man ninja raid on the castle, where he kills Blofeld and his wife, but falls on the way out and suffers amnesia. Dahl was highly critical of the book, claiming it was a travelogue "with no plot in it which would even make a movie", thus prompting him to do a total rewrite.

The Plot: An American spacecraft mysteriously disappears from radar mid-flight, and Pentagon officials blame the Soviets for its disappearance. The British, however, are convinced a third party is involved. Cut to Bond, getting some sexy R&R in Hong Kong, when he suddenly gets shot up by two gunmen and is killed. Cue opening credits. Turns out Bond wasn't really killed; it was a publicity stunt organised by MI6 to give him some cover for his next mission: investigate leads relating to the rocket theft in Japan. In Tokyo, Bond makes contact with SIS agent Aki and expat Richard Henderson. Henderson suggests a third party is involved in the rocket theft, but is killed before divulging anything useful. Bond takes down his assassin, steals his identity, and hitches a ride to the Osato corporation's office. He steals some files and gets a ride out with Aki, who leads him into a trap. At the other end is her boss, "Tiger" Tanaka, and together they analyse the files, which include a photo of a shipping vessel, the Ning-Po.

The next day, Bond returns to the office and visits Mr. Osato in person, posing as an industrial buyer. From there, he and Aki drive to Kobe and investigate the Ning-Po, but Bond gets captured. He makes a deal with his captor, Helga Brandt, but on their flight out, she reneges and bails out, leaving Bond to crash-land the plane. He then heads for Tanaka's villa, where they deduce that SPECTRE could be involved in the orbital affairs. Once they identify the next place where the Ning-Po docked, he travels there on the Little Nellie, a miniature helicopter supplied by Q, and fights off some SPECTRE helicopters guarding the place. That night, a Soviet-manned space flight is captured in the same manner as before, worsening tensions between Moscow and Washington. Back in Japan, Tanaka and Bond prepare to assault SPECTRE's base with an assault team of ninjas. Aki is poisoned and killed by an assassin gunning for Bond, but he continues training and assumes a false identity in an Ama village near the base, complete with a cover marriage to Kissy Suzuki, a local pearl-diver. During a fishing excursion, Bond and Kissy slip away to investigate a suspicious dormant volcano; they discover it to be the location of SPECTRE's base. While Kissy leaves to contact Tanaka, Bond goes in alone.

Bond rescues some of the captured astronauts and takes one of their place in piloting a craft that would steal a second American rocket and precipitate nuclear war between the USA and USSR. But he commits a faux-pas, is caught, identified, and brought to meet Blofeld face-to-face. After receiving an overview of Blofeld's plan, he creates a diversion with one of his rocket cigarettes, enabling Tanaka's team to drop in from the fake crater. Heading out to his escape route, Blofeld shoots Osato for his failures, and tries to shoot Bond but is stopped by Tanaka. Remembering a self-descruct button in the control room he came from, Bond doubles back that way, taking down Blofeld's bodyguard Hans along the way. Successfully blowing up the SPECTRE spacecraft before it can capture the American flight, the Pentagon calls off its attack plan. But before Bond and co. can celebrate, Blofeld triggers the self-destruct sequence to the base itself. Bond, Tanaka, Kissy, and their team escape through a cave to the ocean, where they are greeted by some liferafts -- and an MI6 submarine, intent on crashing Bond and Kissy's "honeymoon". You are now free to turn off your TV.

In essentially re-writing the plot instead of basing it off of Ian Fleming's original novel, Roald Dahl may have borrowed a few pages from other Bond adventures, but he took some of the best pages. There's a reason the idea of getting two superpowers to fight and take down one another has been used so often throughout the franchise: it works. It serves as a politically-based source of tension without being overly complicated, and it makes you think about whether or not we as a people really want war. As for how it was executed this time around, it was implied in one scene that SPECTRE was engineering this conflict because they had been paid off by China, but I wish they had expanded on that plot thread. While YOLT lacks the well-developed intricacies of From Russia With Love, it makes up for that in the production design, not the least example being Blofeld's hollowed-out volcano base. YOLT could be described as a more typical action movie in some parts (you won't see a countdown close-shave in FRWL, for example), but that only helps make it more fun to watch. I just hope it helps you better appreciate entries like FRWL or the 2006 Casino Royale. 4 out of 5.

The Call: 75% (B-)

IchigoRyu will return in
On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Film Review: Thunderball

Thunderball

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 22 December 1965 (USA), 29 December 1965 (UK)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Terence Young
• Producers: Kevin McClory, Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Ian Fleming, Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham

The Girl: Dominique "Domino" Derval (Claudine Auger, dubbed by Nikki van der Zyl). Mistress of Largo, and sister of NATO pilot François Derval. Being in the custody of the villain, as well as receiving the shocking revelation that her brother was killed, makes her one of the most sympathetic Bond girls. 4 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Rik van Nutter), returning CIA agent; Paula Caplan (Martine Beswick), another ally who is captured by Fiona and kills herself with cyanide under torture. Nothing to see here, move on.  Fun Fact: Paula's actress also played Zora, one of the gypsy girls in From Russia With Love.  2 out of 5.

The Villain: Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi), the number-2 officer of SPECTRE, and engineer of Operation Thunderball. Not that we're far into this franchise, but Largo is the most dangerous-feeling Bond villain we've seen yet. Maybe it's the eyepatch, maybe it's the way he tries to torture Domino in cold blood at the end, I don't know. Shot with a harpoon by Domino. 5 out of 5.

Other Villains: Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi), SPECTRE assassin and another of Largo's mistresses, "accidentally" shot by her own henchman; Vargas (Philip Locke), Largo's chaste hitman, shot with a harpoon by Bond. Another mildly awesome bunch, shame they were under-developed. At least Fiona gets her moment to shine when she chews out Bond for making love to her with the intent to turn her to the side of "good". *clap* Truly *clap* brilliant. *clap* 4 out of 5.

The Gadgets: The most famous gadget from this movie is the pocket rebreather, yet unlike most Bond gadgets, this one could not work in real life. Among other things, it needs some sort of air sack that can hold more than one lungful of air. More plausible are the jetpack, the radioactive homing pill, the Geiger counter/camera, and the Aston Martin DB5, now equipped with high-pressure water cannons. 3 out of 5.

The Locations: England, France, and the Bahamas.

The Opening Credits: The first opening sequence designed by Maurice Binder, this one featured silhouettes of men and women swimming in multi-coloured water. Simple, but a visual treat. 5 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Tom Jones. From the lyrics which paint the target man (Bond? Maybe Largo?) as a cold-hearted, one-track-mind monster, to the high note at the end which apparently caused Jones to pass out after recording it, this track hits you over the head with its bombastic awesomeness. But this was actually a last-minute replacement for another song, "Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", performed by Shirley Bassey. Despite its late omission, this song is still prevalent in the film's score. Fun Fact: The switch occured because UA wanted the theme song to have the film's title in it. 5 out of 5.

The Novel: Another mostly faithful transition, but that was kind of a forced deal. See, in the late 1950s, Ian Fleming collaborated with Irish director Kevin McClory to develop a James Bond feature film. The project didn't initially pan out, so Fleming went ahead and adapted the script into the novel Thunderball. Not having been credited, McClory was not amused. He sued Fleming for plagiarism, but they settled out of court. When Broccoli and Salzman produced the film adaptation of Thunderball, McClory was credited as a co-writer and co-producer, the damage was far from over. We'll see the further ramifications of the dispute, mostly involving the rights of the name and characters of SPECTRE, when we discuss future Bond movies, so keep this in mind.

The Plot: The film opens with James Bond attending a funeral for another "JB": Jacques Bouvar, a SPECTRE assassin. But it turns out Bouvar is alive, and later tries to take down Bond. Instead, Bond kills Bouvar for real, and escapes via jetpack and Aston Martin. Cue opening credits. M assigns 007 to the Shrublands clinic for some forced R&R. At the clinic, his suspicions are aroused by a mister Count Lippe. Bond breaks into Lippe's room, and Lippe returns the favour by trying to kill Bond on a spinal traction machine. Still at the clinic, Bond chances upon the body of François Derval (Paul Stassino), a French NATO pilot who was intended to run a training flight on a plane with two atomic bombs. It turns out he was killed by another SPECTRE assassin, Angelo, who takes Derval's place and crash-lands the flight in the Atlantic Ocean, enabling a SPECTRE team to steal the bombs. The head of SPECTRE announces a £100 million bounty for the bombs, lest a random city in the US or UK be attacked with them. MI6 scrambles the 00 agents to headquarters to begin the search.

Upon receiving his file, 007 starts his investigation in Nassau to seek out Derval's sister, Domino. He meets her once for lunch, and once more at a casino, accompanied with Emilio Largo, for whom she is a mistress. He beats him at baccarat, shares a dance with Domino, and retreats to his hotel room to find Felix Leiter and a SPECTRE mook, whom they shoo out. The next day, Q equips him for a raid on Largo's yacht, the Disco Volante. He discovers that the boat may be used to hold the warheads, but is chased off to shore and hitches a ride to his hotel with Fiona Volpe. The following night, Bond conducts a raid on Largo's estate, Palmyra, and discovers his captured ally, Paula, killed herself under torture. Back at his hotel, he encounters Fiona in his room. They have at it, only for her and some men to kidnap him. He makes a break for it at the Junkanoo parade, but they catch up to him at the Kiss Kiss, an outdoor nightclub. As Bond and Fiona are dancing, one of her henchman accidentally shoots her in the back. (Fun Fact: To this day, fans are divided as to whether or not this was intentional on Bond's part, in which case it would be the first time he kills a woman in cold blood.)
With Fiona out of the way, Bond and Leiter scout the sea and find the downed plane, sans bombs. From there, Bond takes a dive and meets Domino scuba-diving. On the beach, he tells her that her brother is dead, asks for her help, and spears Vargas, the assassin who was trailing them. Armed with Bond's Geiger counter/camera, she starts searching for the bombs on the Disco Volante, but is caught by Largo. Meanwhile, Bond tags along with a SPECTRE team to pick up the bombs, and learns of their first target: Miami. The US Coast Guard engages in an underwater battle and the first bomb is surrendered, but Largo escapes to the Disco Volante. Bond sneaks on board and fights him; in the end, Largo is speared by Domino. Bond and Domino bail out before the ship crashes, and are picked up by a Coast Guard plane. You may now turn off your TV.

As I was first exploring the early Bond franchise, I admit I wasn't that into Thunderball at first. My original hangup was over the pacing, since there are long stretches in the beginning that don't involve Bond. Plus, as a result of the aforementioned rights dispute, this story got a remake in the 1980s, which we'll get to eventually. But as a maturing critic, I've learned to look past all that and can see this for what it is: another solid effort. For all the trouble Fleming had to get this to the big screen (shame he died before it was finished), it was worth it, especially for the character-driven moments involving Largo and Domino. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 90% (A-)

IchigoRyu will return in
You Only Live Twice

Game Review: Go Play Circus Star

Go Play: Circus Star

• Publisher: Majesco
• Developer: N-Fusion
• Release Date: 9 June 2009
• System: Wii
• Genre: Minigames
• Players 1-4
• Rarity/Cost: Common, US$5-20

There's a certain theme I've found to be surprisingly under-represented in video games: the circus.  The last one I can think of is Circus Charlie, made by Konami back in 1984, and even that was basically a glorified Donkey Kong.  Welp, I've found another one, but to get to it, we'll have to wade into the world of Wii shovelware.  (DUN DUN DUU~UN)  I'm talking about a world that kept Wii Play on the top of the sales charts for years, so yeah, this is gonna suck.  Enter Go Play: Circus Star, which comes from the Majesco-published, budget oriented Go Play line of titles.  Proving their priorities are kind of... differenty, the last entry in this series is about being a lumberjack.  ...A lumberjack.  And not the kind that puts on womens' clothing and hangs around in bars, either.  But they switched out the developer this time around, so let's have at it!

There are five events that play just like this one.

The structure of this game is vaguely styled after Rock Band, in that you earn fans and money from good performances, with your ultimate goal being to collect 5,000 fans.  Along the way you will be able to buy access to new acts and venues, and by doing so the potential rewards you can earn will increase exponentially.  The problem is, the act of doing so is where the trouble starts.  Of the 15 events (6 are available from the start) you can play, quite a few recycle mechanics from some of the other games.  For example, there are five events (Tightrope, Unicycle, Elephant Ride, Rola Bola, and Trapeze) that involve balancing the Wii Remote left/right or forward/back to hit targets without going too far.  On the other hand, almost all of the events give you the option of using the Wii Balance Board.  I do appreciate how well-integrated the Balance Board is in this game, even if I was unable to test it.  After all, I've got enough expensive controllers lying around the house as it is - and I think that half-broken Guitar Hero drum kit would agree with me.

The special stunts you can perform do nothing to add immersion.

Consistent good performance will fill up a meter; once it's filled up at least one time (out of three), you can press A to perform a special stunt that earns you more fans.  While these can be used strategically to interrupt the action at critical moments, you have no control over the specific maneuver being performed.  Not helping matters is that these cutscenes are rather poorly animated; combine that with the N64-quality character models and you've got a very low-rent experience.  You have the choice of six characters which you can't change after starting a profile, nor customise, and their voice acting is as dorky as... pretty much everything else in the game.  And then there's the ringmaster... like, gag me with a spoon!  He sounds like Dr. Eggman and sports the worst beard I have ever seen in a video game.  (Come to think of it, the real Dr. Eggman would be a better choice.)  Fortunately, you can turn him off, thanks to the ONLY option on the options menu!

Despite my disdain for this type of game, I'll admit I could really get into if it was, you know, better.  Specifically, I would've included a greater variety of events, drawing inspiration from circus styles around the globe.  Individual tricks could be done at any time through Ton Hawk-style button inputs.  I'd tighten up the graphics, obviously, and set up a character and outfit customisation system.  Going hand-in-hand with that would be a re-structured career mode where you could build up your character's stats through training games in-between shows.  And if I really wanted to push the envelope, I'd add some sort of manager mode where you could set up your own shows, customising the acts and themes.  Also it would be a tie-in with the Kaleido Star anime, so yeah, I'm kind of a wishful thinker.  But better to have a big imagination that doesn't go anywhere than be stuck with a game that won't even hold your attention for the span of one rental, amirite?

Control: 3 stars out of 5
Design: 1 stars out of 5
Audiovisual: 1 star out of 5
Value: 1 star out of 5
The Call: 40% (F)

Next Episode: On the topic of Kaleido Star, you can expect a review on that in the near future.  But for now, I've got to get back to Bond.  Reviews of Thunderball and You Only Live Twice are up next.

Dance Dance Retrospective: Extreme (2004)

As early as the first quarter of 2004, buzz for the American version of Dance Dance Revolution Extreme (21 September 2004, PlayStation 2) was high.  Early screenshots depicted an experience nigh-identical to the arcade game many of us, at the time, had a fondness for.  Read here if you don't remember.  And then... somewhere along the line, Konami pulled a bait-and-switch on us, transforming the title we knew and love into something that, while essentially played identically to the DDR format you should be familiar with by now, looked alien and unusual.  And based on the laws of the Internet, when something like that gets changed, it sucks.  There was a mild furor stirring up on online DDR communities around the release of the new Extreme, with people likening it to what Nintendo did with The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.  Only problem is, that game played well and was highly regarded in hindsight; would the same happen here?  Yes, actually.

This design is what had everyone up in arms?

What little issue could've gotten gamers so up in arms?  Well, it all has to do with the interface style.  Extreme 2004 replaces the yellow-green colour scheme from the arcade version with a simpler, blue-green-based look.  And instead of the MAX-era "song wheel", the music selection screen is something of a mix between that and the one from the 1st-3rdMIX era, with the song titles curving up to the top in a circle.  True to the classic style, pressing Left shifts the tracklist to the right and vice-versa.  Is it a half-hearted attempt at evoking the old games?  Maybe, but this was anything but a dealbreaker for me, and judging by its reception nowadays, I'm glad my opinion spread so far.

So what could've inspired such a "drastic" change in aesthetics?  Some people would point to the integration of the Eyetoy camera (PS: predates the Kinect by seven years).  While the music menu looks as if it was designed to be controlled with your hands, this was not the case. Instead, you can access Eyetoy-enhanced gameplay from the game's Party Mode, you can play normally with yourself as the backdrop ("Watch Me Dance"), wipe the screen with your arms and body to see the arrows ("Clean The Screen"), or use your hands as additional inputs ("Hands And Feet").  This last one is notable is the closest thing we've gotten to the 6-panel mode from the DDR Solo series in a while.  There are also other minigames that use the Eyetoy or the dance pad which, while they don't involve dancing, are fun diversions in their own right.  My tip of the hat to Konami for doing the impossible: creating a casual party game which doesn't neglect the "true gamer" set.

Hands and Feet mode.  I apologise for the derpy model.

How can I prove this claim?  All 5 difficulty levels are accounted for, and the 71-song setlist features a good number of songs from the 2002 Extreme, including "The Legend of MAX" as a boss song.  (NB: The Extra Stage system has been scrapped; the main mode does not limit the number of songs you can play before you quit.)  The scoring system is a little weird: like in 5thMIX and Max, the game adds a bonus on top of your base score.  However, the base score always tops out at 7 million points, and the bonus can bring it up to an even 10 million.  This is just me, but I'm like, why not just give us the 10 million up front?  Maybe if I knew *how* the bonus was calculated, I wouldn't be so up in arms...  There's also the Mission Mode, which gives you a hundred score-based or modifier-based challenges for sections of songs.  Unfortunately, the unlocking mechanic in Mission Mode is a little unweildy, and the difficulty can get out of hand, especially on missions where you have to get as many Great or Good marks as possible.

Notable new songs include:

• New licenced songs include "YMCA" (by The Village People), "Move Your Feet" (by Junior Senior), and "Go West" (Pet Shop Boys).  Continuing the tradition from MAX2 USA, some of these songs use their own music videos.
• Expanding on how the 2002 Extreme featured songs crossed over from other Bemani games, this time around there are pop song covers featured in the Karaoke Revolution series.  These are "Believe" (as made famous by Cher), "Bizarre Love Triangle" (New Order), "Ladies' Night" (Kool & the Gang), "Like A Virgin" (Madonna), and "Waiting For Tonight" (Jennifer Lopez).
• In addition, there are two songs inspired by the Silent Hill franchise, of all places: the R&B "Your Rain (Rage Mix)" by Akira Yamaoka and the quasi-country "You're Not Here" by Heather. 
• "Highs Off U (Scorccio XY Mix)" by 4 Reeel.  A revival licence from MAX, this samples from "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  Notably, this song notably has the F-bomb in its lyrics but the game STILL got an E (ages 6+) rating, but to be honest, it's a little hard to catch.
• "Memories" by Naoki feat. Paula Terry.  An unlockable trance/eurobeat song dating back to Euromix 2, this was kind of mis-handled this time around.  Unlike with the other hidden songs in this game, no amount of gameplay will unlock this one.  It turns out you have to use a button code to unlock it - the only problem was that this code wasn't unveiled until a 2006 promotion with Burger King - over two years after the game was released.  To unlock "Memories" at any time, enter this on the main menu with a controller in the second port: Right, Right, Right, Right, Up, Up, Up, Square, Left, Left, Down, Down, Down, Square, Square, Select.
• "Maximizer" by Climax-S (Sota Fujimori).  Despite it's name, it's not technically another sequel to "Max 300", but as a 190 BPM happy-hardcore songs topping out at 8 feet on Heavy, it's no cakewalk either.

You know what's weird?  For the first time, the North American home version was the first international port of any one DDR title to be released.  Its counterpart in Europe was Dancing Stage Fusion (5 November 2004, PlayStation 2) which, at 54 songs, finally took the European franchise a step towards respectability.  Japan was last with Dance Dance Revolution Festival (18 November 2004, PlayStation 2), whose 66-song setlist included exclusives from Ultramix, even DLC songs.  It makes sense because since the XBox console bombed in Japan, they'd never get any of the Ultramix games in a million years.  So, if the XBox wasn't in your interest back in the day, you should consider importing this one.

Why am I starting all my paragraphs with questions?  Heck if I know.  Just stay tuned for the next episode of Dance Dance Retrospective, where we throw yet another Extreme on the pile: 2005's Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2.

Music Review: We Can't Dance

We Can't Dance

• Band: Genesis (Phil Collins, Mike Rutherford, Tony Banks)
• Label: Atlantic (USA), Virgin (UK)
• Genre: Rock (Progressive)
• Producers: Genesis, Nick Davis
• Release: 11 November 1991
• Formats: Casette, CD, Vinyl

I may claim to be a huge fan of Phil Collins and Genesis, but to be honest, most of my knowledge lies in their later career, where all the hits came from.  The first Genesis album I bought was 1986's Invisible Touch which, while a good starting point for anyone wishing to explore their catalogue, doesn't offer anything special outside of its many hits.  I know the band dates back to 1967, but I have yet to get into their older, Peter Gabriel-fronted material.  But for now, I've been focusing on their other albums, like Calling All Stations and the one I'm presenting for you readers today: 1991's We Can't Dance, the final album they recorded with Phil Collins.

1. "No Son Of Mine": Like in Calling All Stations, We Can't Dance opens with an awesome, emotionally epic track.  But unlike the title track from Calling All Stations, which hits you with full force at the get-go, "No Son Of Mine" starts out quiet, which only serves to make the climax that much more moving.  The lyrics are told from the point of view of a man who tries to take refuge with his family, but is rebuked by his father, hence the title.  Released as a single.  5 out of 5.
2. "Jesus He Loves Me": Don't be scared, this isn't a Christian rock song.  "Jesus He Loves Me" is sung from the point of view of a televangelist, who broadcasts a donation-corrupted dream of eternal salvation for his viewers, and gives off the appearance of a perfect family man whilst dealing in shady - and occasionally sexy - business on the side.  I mean, lines like "I believe in the family / with my ever-loving wife beside me / but she don't know about my girlfriend / or the man I met last night" should clue you in that not everything is heavenly in his paradise.  Released as a single.  5 out of 5.
3. "Driving The Last Spike": One of the album's long-format tracks, "Driving The Last Spike" is another character song, told from the point of view of a railroad worker in 19th century Britain.  Around the middle of the track, the protagonist survives a tunnel cave-in, and the music builds up accordingly.  5 out of 5.
4. "I Can't Dance": This blues-rocker is unlike anything else on the album, or even in the band's entire repertoire.  That Genesis can follow up three character-based progressive songs with a single-ready hit sung from beneath the pants only serves to underscore the band's versatility.  Released as a single.  5 out of 5.
5. "Never A Time": At this point, the album's momentum sadly starts to peter out with "Never A Time", the unimpressive fifth track.  At the very least, it falls in line with the production style of most of the other songs on the album.  In a word, I would describe the feel of these songs as "sunny", with the soundscapes being painted by soft synth washes and more of Mike Rutherford's guitar work than in their previous album.  Not to prefer one over the other, but if you listen to this next to the considerably darker Calling All Stations, you'll notice a difference  Released as a single.  3 out of 5.
6. "Dreaming While You Sleep": Once again proving the band's ability to adapt their style, "Dreaming While You Sleep" takes cues from contemporary electronica.  Most of the track is driven by a minimal jungle/house beat, almost as if they had updated "Man On The Corner" for the '90s.  But as with "Man On The Corner", they still find time to pull out a rousing, intense chorus.  4 out of 5.
7. "Tell Me Why": This is one of those help-the-homeless types of songs, where every line in the verse is supposed to make you feel sorry for the less fortunate.  Heck, they even attack the listener with "You say there's nothing you can do / is there one rule for them and one for you".  Listen, I've got nothing against the act of charity, and sales of the single (not released in North America) were contributed to Bosnian Save The Children and the Red Cross.  But if I'm going to contribute to help out the needy, I'll do it on my own terms, thank you very much.  Fun Fact: Phil Collins sang on the chorus of the original help-the-homeless song, "Do They Know It's Christmas".  Released as a single.  2 out of 5.
8. "Living Forever": Nothing stands out on this track except the instrumental jam at the end, which break out some 70's-era synth keyboards.  3 out of 5.
9. "Hold On My Heart": This is a dang beautiful song, that provides the perfect chill-out after the (relatively) intense instrumentals of the last track.  It might have served its duties better if it had followed something faster, like "Jesus He Knows Me" or "Driving The Last Spike".  But as it stands, "Hold On My Heart" gives your brain the relief it needs to get through the rest of the album - and trust me, you're gonna need that mental stamina.  Released as a single.  5 out of 5.
10. "Way Of The World": Yeah, it's another song complaining about the ills of the world, like on "Tell Me Why".  However, the message here is more nihilistic, saying there's all these kinds of people, but "it's just the way of the world".  Fun fact: another one of these types of songs, Collins' own "Another Day In Paradise" is my favourite song of all time.  Although... the lyrics aren't necessarily the reason why I adore it so much.  3 out of 5.
11. "Since I Lost You": Fun fact: this song was written by Collins as a tribue to Eric Clapton, whose four-year-old son died earlier in 1991.  This is the same accident from which Clapton himself wrote "Tears In Heaven".  Of course, that doesn't save "Since I Lost You" from the fact that it's boring as toast, even with Collins putting his all into it.  3 out of 5.
12. "Fading Lights": This is it.  Being the final track on the final Collins-led Genesis album, "Fading Lights" takes it out with a bang.  In spirit, anyway; in practice, smoldering would be a better way to describe it.  There are long, quiet buffer zones at the beginning and end of the track, but they build up and break down gradually to great effect.  In between are some downright volcanic instrumental segments utilising more classic synth, thus tying past with present.  And the lyrics talk about how everything in this world is ephemeral and unlasting - a fitting, if unintended metaphor for Genesis's career at this point.  Don'tcha just love accidental symbolism?  5 out of 5.

For what would be their final album with their most recognisable lineup, Genesis crafted a work that perfectly bridges their classic and modern eras.  The lyrics and compositions are daring without coming across as pretentious, and are able to fit into the mainstream crowd whilst being unlike anything else out at the time.  The only problem with this album - which sadly denies it the perfect score I awarded to its successor - is that the album cuts are a little weak and lack that memorability found on even the most obscure tracks of their other albums.  But when We Can't Dance hits its high points, it strikes the perfect balance between everything Genesis has come through in the past quarter-century and takes it all to the next level.

The Call: 95% (A)

Film Review: Disaster Movie

Disaster Movie

• Publisher: Lionsgate
• Studio: Grosvenor Park / 3 in the Box
• Release: 29 August 2008
• Genre: Comedy
• Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
• Producers: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Peter Safran
• Writers: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

One of my favourite things on TV is the "I Love The '80s" family of specials by VH1. I've learned so many things from all those time periods, things I never knew existed, that it more or less kicked off my interest in the 1980s. The next-best thing to them that exists in the realm of cinema would be the spoof genre kick-started by Airplane! in 1980. These days, the genre has been dominated by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, heretofore referred to as "Selzterberg". And while I derive a sort of guilty pleasure from counting all the references they collect in their films, more than anything else, their works make me cringe. 2008's Disaster Movie is commonly regarded as their worst -- no small feat -- so of course I had to track it down and review it.

The movie starts with an intro ripped straight out of 1998's Armageddeon. Another film I could be watching now! ...The fact that I'm comparing Michael Bay favourably to something is not a good sign. We jump to 10,000 10,001 BC, where a hunter-gatherer (Matt Lanter) gets into a fight with Wolf, from the American Gladiators revival, and Amy Winehouse as a sabre-toothed, gasoline-drunk beast. Yeah... joke aborted. She gives a thirty-second burping scene (some records are not meant to be broken) and warns him of the end of the world, to occur on 29 August 2008. In other words, the release date of this film. SYMBOLISM!!

Then the same man, Will, wakes up in the present day -- to be exact, the day of the end of the world, and the same day he's having a party at his loft. He's a 25-year old dude holding a Sweet 16 party because he's never had one yet. Ya know, that was quite an intelligent joke there! Too bad they had to counterpoint that by running a parody of the My Super Sweet 16 intro. A more competent writer (read: me) would've let the other joke settle. Guests at the party include Dr. Phil (it's been done), Anton Chighur from No Country For Old Men, and some broad (Kim Kardashian). That's right: Kim Kardashian, America's favourite Armenian-ethnic, is in this movie. ...Let that set the tone. So in a series of pointless events, Calvin (Gary Johnson) tries to stop Seth and McLovin' McLover, the two guys from Superbad, from stealing alcohol, the High School Musical crew break into song, and Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra break into a WWE WOW Divas catfight. I'd be turned on if they weren't such bad actors.

Going back to the party, we are also introduced to Juno Juney, who laments about keeping her baby, in acoustic-guitar-song form. During the song, she mentions Brangelina buying her baby on eBay, except the web page she shows says "uPay". And they did this earlier, during the Amy Winehouse scene, with Facebook and "FaceNook". Ladies and gentlemen, they just didn't care. Another thing to throw on the "just didn't care" pile: this is the third Seltzerberg film in a row with a Brangelina adoption joke. Going back to not-Juno's character, she talks exclusively in-jokes written by an overly clever screenwriter (her words, not mine), and chugs a whole jug of Sunny Delight and vodka. Hardcore fetal alcohol syndrome, because... funny?

Now the real plot starts as asteroids strike the city and the film tries to live up to its own name. Will, Calvin, not-Juno, and Kim Kardashian flee into the streets together, witnessing Hannah Montana getting crushed by a meteor, and not dying for a minute and a half. See, that's the other problem with this film: even on those rare occasions where the writers managed to generate a truly funny joke, they drag it out for too long. So with conditions outside getting worse, the crew hunker down in some sort of warehouse, where they fight the Sex and the City girls for control of the space. Not-Juno wins the fight by breaking out her baby, then her water breaks over Will and Calvin -- by that, I mean a fire extinguisher breaks open behind the camera. WTF? I'm no OB-GYN, but water breaking does not work that way. See, that's the other other problem with this movie: an over-reliance on gross-out gags. Hope you enjoy spending time with the lowest common denominator, ya jerks. Me, I'll be over here doing cool things.

Like seeing into Will's dream, where he plays Hayden Christensen in Jumper, that movie about the teleporting guy. Apart from milking that concept for all it's worth, the dream sequence serves to warn Will of his commitment issues, which has driven a rift between him and his girlfriend (Vanessa Minnillo). At least, until he warps into that Narnia movie and impales himself on Prince Caspian's sword. Fun fact: When not-Caspian calls him "that guy who ruined Star Wars", he's not just referring to Christensen, but the fact that Matt Lanter did the voice of the same character in Star Wars: The Clone Wars. An unintentional joke lies in wait for anyone who's read reviews on that movie, seeing as how it's been scored worse than any of the live-action prequels, even the one with Jar-Jar Binks. But still not as badly as Disaster Movie.

With that Big Lipped Alligator Moment (TM 2008 Nostalgia Chick) out of the way, Will resolves to patch things up with his girlfriend, and the crew departs again, however another asteroid crushes Kim. And thus Kim Kardashian's character was killed off. And there was much rejoicing. That is, until she gets replaced by not-Giselle, the princess from not-Enchanted. Calvin wins her hand in a breakdancing duel, and then the plot barges back into the room. A cavalcade of superheroes tries to stop the nearest tornado - and by that I mean stand still, say their name or catchphrase, and get hit by a cow. P.S. The special effects in this scene - nay, the whole movie - are so bad that I could've pulled them off! Keeping with the Monty Python and the Holy Grail mood (yet another film you could be watching now!)... Playing the role of the Killer Rabbit is not-Alvin and the non-CGI Chipmunks! So the crew is beset by the rabid puppet chipmunks and a rabid Head-On commercial, and in the ensuing chaos, not-Juno is killed. back outside, the townspeople are evacuating, including not-Christian Bale's Batman, who shares this exchange with not-Giselle:

Batman: I'm Batman.
not-Giselle: I'm Enchanted Princes.

...

...

...

Umm... news flash: her name's Giselle, NOT "Enchanted Princess"! Which you would've learned IF YOU JUST [verb]ING WAITED!! And it's not like Enchanted was one of those Summer 2008-release films that didn't come out until after the script was written, no, it released in November of 2007, so there's just NO [verb]ING EXCUSE!! What, could you not afford the TEN DOLLARS to see the movie in theaters since you broke the bank casting Kim Kardashian? [verb] YOU SELTZERBERG, I QUIT!!!

...

Oh, right, the climax. So, Will has to get to the museum to free his trapped girlfriend. To get there, not-Giselle hijacks the Mach 5 Mach 5 1/2 from Speed Racer (you know, that thing they made a film of in 2008? Anyone remember?), which apparently has Michael Jackson hiding out in the trunk with a little boy and a monkey. Two things wrong with this picture: One, Scary Movie 4 (yet another movie you could be watching right now!) already did a Michael Jackson parody. Two, that movie was written closer to MJ's child molestation trials. By 2008, the public had accepted the fact that he was found not guilty. ...Apparently, not Seltzerberg! And the less said about how close this was to the singer's untimely death, the better.

In the museum, the gang rescues Will's girlfriend, the commitment-challenged Will starts his relationship on a new foot, and she pulls this movie's macguffin, the Crystal Skull, from out of her... from her... from... under her dress. Just then, they are beset by Beowulf and not-Po from Kung Fu Panda... who introduces himself as, "I am Kung Fu Panda!" ...Here we go again. Not-Po kills Calvin and not-Giselle (and there was much rejoicing), but Will and Amy manage to flee from Beowulf after questioning his sexuality, what with him fighting in the nude like he does in that trailer..

Sorry, I have to get back up on my soapbox again for a moment. Ladies and gentlemen... Hollywood is racist. Yeah, you heard me right. During the High School Musical parody, an Asian and nerdy (and gay) one-shot is brought on screen for a moment, and Calvin, being the African-American co-lead, spouts a laidback, uneducated accent and more ebonics than anyone in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Also his actor is billed as "G-Thang". That's right: his name ain't nothing but a "G-Thang", baby, with two doped-out writers going crazy. And also: Hollywood is gaycist. Apart from spending all his on-screen time naked, not-Beowulf says he hangs out with a life partner with whom he goes fishing and runs an antique store. Based on this information alone, Will labels him as a homosexual, which Beowulf denies, since apparently he treats this as a bad thing. *sigh* How long are we gonna last until we shrug off all these old stereotypes set up in who knows what less-informed eras? We must shrug off the media establishment NOW! SUPPORT FOREIGN FILMS!! (That means anime.) ...Oh God, I'm sounding like a Marxist revolutionary right now. Better get off the soapbox before the Tea Party sends me angry letters.

*whew* This is turning into not only one of my angriest reviews, but one of my longest, so let's wrap this up. Will meets his father, a black midget Indiana Jones (because... funny?), places the crystal skull on its altar, undoing the natural disasters, marries Amy with the help of not-Guru Pitka (Anyone remember The Love Guru? No? Good on ya.), and drops the biggest bombshell of all: he's dating Matt Damon. Yes, this film wraps up with a musical curtain call, with all the characters singing about who's dating who. For those of you not up on your late-night TV, this segment is a parody of "I'm [verb]ing Matt Damon" (the unrated version uses this title as well), a song Sarah Silverman did on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Funny thing is, a different parody by Kimmel himself, "I'm [verb]ing Ben Affleck", became more famous afterwards. It helps that the Ben Affleck version evolves into a "We Are The World"-parody, so yeah, you should check that out.

I was honestly surprised at the fact that Seltzerberg were able to throw some halfway decent jokes our way from time to time. The only problem is, whatever good stuff there is gets ruined either by the writers' non-existent sense of comedic timing, or by all the crude, pointless moments that surround them. Everything about this movie is sophomoric: the humour, yes, but also the plot and its resolution, the visual effects, and even its references were chosen without care. So many of the films, series, and personalities spoofed within had faded from memory even before Disaster Movie was released - now that, my friends, is an epic fail. Let this be a lesson to screenwriters: don't count other people's chickens before they hatch. *chu* G'night everybody!

Positives:
+ Kim Kardashian gets killed off at some point! That's something! ...Right?

Negatives:
- Haphazardly-constructed plot.
- Over-reliance on unfunny and even offensive jokes,
- The references are unoriginal and show a lack of basic research on Seltzerberg's part.
- Lousy special effects.
- Totally fake acting.

Acting: 1 falling cow out of 5
Writing: 0 falling cows out of 5
Special Effects: 0 falling cows out of 5
Visual Design: 1 falling cow out of 5
The Call: 15% (F)

Film Review: Goldfinger

Goldfinger

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 18 September 1964 (UK), 9 January 1965 (USA)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Guy Hamilton
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Richard Maibaum, Paul Dehn

The Girls: Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton). Goldfinger's partner in crime in Miami, killed and covered in gold paint on Goldfinger's orders; Tilly Masterson (Tania Mallet), Jill's vengeful sister, neck broken by Oddjob's hat; and Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman). Goldfinger's pilot and leader of a stunt pilot team. None of the girls has that much chemistry with Bond (that is, until he force-feeds such chemistry to them), but it only serves to highlight their independent nature. 4 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Cec Linder). Bond's ally in the CIA, last seen in Dr. No. Instead of Jack Lord's coolness, Linder instead portrays Leiter an older, more serious establishment type, so if you're into Mad Men, you might get something out of it. 3 out of 5.

The Villain: Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe, dubbed by Michael Collins). Runs a metallurgy industry with gold smuggling on the side. Goldfinger's character exhibits an obsession on gold bordering on paranoia, but he always has his eyes on the prize, running legitimate metalworking operations whilst engineering a nuclear attack on Fort Knox. Fun fact: He was named after Ernő Goldfinger, a Hungarian architect, who was not amused. Second fun fact: Because of Fröbe's former ties to the Nazi party in Germany, this film was banned in Israel -- until a Jewish family disclosed that he had helped protect them during the Holocaust. Sucked out of an airplane window.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Oddjob (Harold Sakata). Goldfinger's Korean-born bodyguard who throws a razor-brimmed hat as a weapon. Having no lines, Oddjob doesn't show his personality as well as, say, Red Grant, but he's equally strong, tough, and deadly, forcing Bond to really use his noodle to get through him. Oh, and no matter what Goldeneye 007 may have told you, Oddjob is not a midget. Electrocuted by Bond. 5 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Most of 007's gear this time around is centered around his new car, an Aston Martin DB5. Q Branch modified it to include a smoke screen, oil slick, front machine guns, tire slashers (think Ben-Hur) an ejector seat, and a display screen for his new homing devices. One of the homers is magnetic, and the other fits in a secret compartment in Bond's shoe. Having all the gadgets centered around the one car in some form or another only serves to make the car that much more awesome. Shame it crashes. 5 out of 5.

The Locations: Set in the United States (Florida, Kentucky), England, and Switzerland.

The Opening Credits: Scenes from the film are projected onto a golden statue of a woman. Much like the credits from the last movie, except much more static. 4 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Shirley Bassey. Like so many other elements of the film, this song and its performance served as a blueprint for so many other Bond and non-Bond themes. It's campy, sure, but the way Bassey goes over-the-top with the energy of her performance pushes that camp into awesomeness levels. Lyrics ain't bad, too. News flash: Goldfinger loves gold and is bad for women. It's a shame Jill Masterson didn't take her advice. 5 out of 5.

The Novel: Published in 1959, the novel Goldfinger was once again given a tight adaptation into film. The one major difference is the final step in Goldfinger's plan: in the book, he intends to physically steal the gold from Fort Knox. This point is brilliantly deconstructed in the film, as explained below.

The Plot: Bond starts out in an unidentified South/Central American location, blowing up a drug smuggler's operation, attempting an after-hours rendez-vous with a cabaret dancer, and surviving an attack. After the opening credits, he gets some R&R at a Miami hotel, until Felix Leiter shows up and gives him an assignment: to shadow a mister Auric Goldfinger, playing a successful game of gin rummy at that very hotel. Bond heads up to Goldfinger's suite and discovers Jill Masterson, his trophy girlfriend, spying on his card quarry and helping him cheat. Bond cuts him off and has his way with Jill, but then gets knocked out by an assailant. When he wakes up, he discovers her dead and covered in gold paint.

Back in London, Bond receives his mission and equipment from MI6, then meets Goldfinger at a local country club for a game of golf. Bond wagers with a £5000 bar of Nazi gold (notice how Fröbe reacts to it -- read the fun facts above) and loses, only to reveal that Goldfinger had switched his balls mid-game (partly a trap set up by Bond), thus disqualifying him. Before parting ways, Bond attaches one of his homing devices to Goldfinger's car, and tracks it to the vicinity of Geneva, Switzerland. Whilst tailing him, Bond apparently comes under fire, gets passed by a girl he suspects was the shooter, disables her car, and gives her a ride. She introduces herself as Tilly Soames, and is dropped off at a mechanic's garage.

That night, Bond raids Goldfinger's local office, used for gold smelting and smuggling operations. He overhears Goldfinger discuss something called "Operation Grand Slam" with Mr. Ling, a Chinese nuclear scientist. On his way out, he trips an alarm and meets the girl from before. She reveals herself as Tilly Masterson, and is seeking revenge on Goldfinger for killing her sister Jill. The two are arrested by Goldfinger's guards and driven off. They try to escape, but Tilly is killed by Oddjob and Bond crashes his car and is knocked out. When he comes to, he finds himself strapped to a table and about to be cut in half by a laser, but convinces Goldfinger that killing him would be a worthless mistake. So instead, he has Bond tranquilised for a third time.

Bond wakes up on Goldfinger's private plane, in the presence of his pilot, Pussy Galore. They land at an airport in Kentucky, where Galore runs an all-female team of stunt pilots, and are met by Oddjob, who drives them to Goldfinger's horse-breeding farm. Whilst keeping Bond locked up, Goldfinger holds a meeting with a collection of his crime boss debtors. To repay them for their services, he details Grand Slam: a plan to raid Fort Knox, the gold depository-slash-military outpost. He intends to have Galore and her pilots spray nerve gas (which, ubeknownst to his business partners, is lethal) over the area, incapacitating the soldiers, and have his team blow up the electric fence so they can get inside. But little does he know that Bond has escaped and is listening in on his presentation, only to get re-caught by Galore.

Worried about Bond, Leiter visits the farm to check on his ally, so Goldfinger has him summoned out to convince the CIA that he doesn't need any help. Bond discusses Grand Slam with Goldfinger, and deduces that the plan is not to steal the gold from Fort Knox, but to detonate an atomic bomb inside it, rendering the gold radioactive and useless for decades, and making Goldfinger's own gold that much more valuable. He leaves him with Galore, whom Bond takes to a barn and... more or less rapes. Yeah... kinda not cool when you think about it. #Rapey

The next day, Operation Grand Slam is put into effect. Galore's pilots spray the nerve gas over the Fort Knox area, presumably killing the soldiers, and Oddjob's team breaks into the gold vault. Goldfinger and Ling arrive with the bomb, arm it, handcuff Bond to it, and send them down into the vault. But it turns out that the soldiers weren't killed by the gas after all; the troops close in, causing Goldfinger to panic, lock Bond and Oddjob in the vault, and escape. With the bomb ticking, Bond unlocks his handcuffs and fights Oddjob, killing him by sticking his hat between some metal bars and electrocuting the whole thing. Only seconds are left before the bomb goes off, but then Leiter and his team make it in the vault and simply switch the thing off -- with 007 seconds on the counter.

Leiter explains to Bond that, due to a crisis of conscience, Galore had switched the gas used by her team and, warned the CIA about the plot. Bond is then sent off on a flight to the White House, to receive a personal thank-you from the president, but it turns out Goldfinger and Galore had hijacked the plane. Before Goldfinger can shoot Bond, Bond fights back, discharging his golden revolver into one of the plane's windows. The depressurisation sucks Goldfinger out the window, but the plane starts losing altitude fast, so Bond and Galore escape via the plane's ejector seats. The film ends with the couple making out under their parachute. You are now free to turn off your TV.

Goldfinger's scale differs from the other films in that instead of continuing the SPECTRE saga, it has Bond fighting an independent criminal in a stand-alone mission. Not that that's a bad thing, of course, but it doesn't feel right next to the excellent, more down-to-earth From Russia With Love. Let me put it to you this way: I can't sit still thinking that B- and C-list spy fictions borrow their stuff from this kind of Bond movie. It's camp, but it's awesome camp. If there's anything this has over From Russia With Love, it's that it has many more memorable moments. A little too memorable in fact, when you consider all the other writers out there who took inspiration from the gadgets, the sets, the characters, etc. but not the plot - which this film also does right. I may take some issue with this being called the best of Bond, but Goldfinger has it where it counts and goes the extra mile in creating a mission the viewer will never forget. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 90% (A-)

IchigoRyu will return in
Thunderball