Film Review: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

• Publisher: United Artists
• Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 18 December 1969
• Genre: Action, Romance
• Director: Peter R. Hunt
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Saltzman
• Writer: Richard Maibaum

The Bond: George Lazenby. An unknown actor and model from Australia. (Fun Fact: He's the only Bond actor, to date, not from the British Isles.) While Lazenby handles the emotional turns required by the script quite well, he lacks assertiveness in many of his other scenes, and there are a few moments where his world-famous one-liners were obviously -- and poorly -- dubbed in post. All things considered, I would have to call Lazenby my least-favourite Bond actor, but I can't say I hate him as an actor. 3 out of 5.

The Girl: Countess Teresa "Tracy" di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg, The Avengers). Daughter of mob leader Marc-Ange Draco. One of my favourite Bond girls, I really appreciate her personality strength and assertiveness, evident in her self-destructive tendencies early on. Marries James Bond, only to be shot and killed by Irma Bunt. 5 out of 5.

Other Allies: Marc-Ange Draco (Gabrielle Ferzetti), leader of a Corsican mafia. Wants Bond to marry his daughter Tracy in order to knock some sense into her after her suicide attempts. His desires to desires to keep her daughter under control might, out of context, appear uncomfortable to viewers from a younger generation. 3 out of 5.

Shaun Campbell (Bernard Horsfall), Bond's accomplice in Switzerland, doesn't do much before he is captured and killed offscreen by Blofeld. He does have a scene, which is more poignant in the book, where he is captured and brought to Bond, who must deny knowledge of his partner to keep his own cover. 2 out of 5.

The Villain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Telly Salavas, from Kojak). The change to Telly Salavas results in a villain with more of a presence. Survives, despite Bond's best efforts. 5 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat), Blofeld's wife. Not much to say about her except for a rather unfortunate tangent down in the Novel section. 3 out of 5.

The Locations: Portugal, England, and Switzerland.  Fin Fact: In real life, Blofeld's mountain base is a revolving restaurant named Piz Gloria, and is located atop the Schilthorn mountain in central Switzerland.

The Gadgets: Not much to speak of. In the lawyer's office, Bond uses a clunky, huge safecracker-plus-document copier, which stands out compared to other, svelter safecrackers used in You Only Live Twice and Moonraker. 1 out of 5.

The Theme Song: The third instrumental Bond theme, this time composed by John Barry. There's also a second, unofficial theme, "We Have All The Time In The World" by Louis Armstrong, which plays during Bond and Tracy's dating montage. 5 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: The motifs include clocks, hourglasses, and footage from the previous Bond films. Interesting concept -- it ties into the aforementioned Armstrong song -- but the poor production values take me out of it. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: This outing was, once again, a faithful transition from print to screen. One point of note was that the book of OHMSS was followed by You Only Live Twice, where Bond avenges Tracy's death by killing Blofeld as well as his wife. However, this didn't happen in the movies because Irma Bunt's actress, Ilse Steppat, died days after the premiere of the OHMSS movie. Why she couldn't have been replaced is suspicious, considering the fact that this was after the movie where both the protagonist and antagonist had their actors replaced. But, as it stands, this is one unfortunate truth Bond fans have had to live with.

The Plot: Our movie starts on a beach in Portugal, where Bond rescues a woman, Tracy di Vicenzo, from drowning herself in the ocean, and fights off some random attackers before she drives off. Cue opening credits. Bond follows her to a casino, where she plays baccarat without the money to pay her bets, only to have him bail her out, and they spend the night together. The next day, Bond checks out with an armed escort which takes him to meet her father, mob boss Marc-Ange Draco. He makes a deal: he'll pay Bond £1 million if he marries his daughter, but Bond re-negotiates the offer for some intel on Blofeld. Back at MI6, Bond announces to M his intention to resign from Her Majesty's Secret Service, but M meets him halfway and gives him two weeks' leave.

Bond embarks on a dating montage with Tracy, then swings by a lawyer's office in Bern to nab some documents relating to Blofeld. Turns out he's investigating his claim as Count Balthazar de Bleuchamp, so Bond impersonates a genealogist and visits his supposed allergy clinic on top of a mountain in Switzerland. His time is spent investigating Blofeld's family tree, getting tail with the patients, and discovering their hypnotherapy treatments. But his true identity is discovered (apparently, he tried to get Blofeld out of the country so he could be arrested), and Blofeld issues his ultimatum face-to-face with Bond. The plot: trick the patients into dispersing viral agents back home, killing entire strains of plants and animals. The price: immunity from all past crimes, and recognition of his title. And he told this to Bond so the British and UN authorities would believe him. Well played, my good sir.

But Bond manages to flee the compound, and a ski chase ensues. Reaching a village at the foot of the mountain, he tries to shake his tail, when who should he meet but Tracy. They flee via car and manage to shake their pursuants just as a snowstorm hits, and are forced to hunker down in a barn for the night, where Bond proposes marriage to Tracy. The chase resumes in the morning, but this time Blofeld is on hand to trigger an avalanche. Tracy is engulfed, only to be rescued and abducted by his crew, but Bond escapes. M refuses to send reinforcements to take down Blofeld's operation, so Bond asks Draco for help. They raid the clinic, rescuing Tracy and disabling the evil plot. Bond chases the villain on bobsleds; he sticks the villain up in a tree, left for dead. The movie ends with Bond marrying Tracy... except Blofeld is alive, and he and his wife do a drive-by on the newlyweds, killing Tracy. You are now free to turn off your TV.

I applaud On Her Majesty's Secret Service for trying something new with its plot. Bond's conviction to take down Blofeld is a personally-driven goal, as he wants to finish the job he's spent the better part of a decade working on. And his relationship with the girl is a serious romance instead of the usual throwaway pleasure, thus making their marriage - and her death - that much more poignant. On the technical side of things, this film has dated less gracefully than other early entries in the Bond series; undercranking is frequent, and some of Bond's one-liners were very obviously dubbed in post. But all in all, On Her Majesty's Secret Service is a hidden gem in its franchise; it's a shame it hasn't gotten as much exposure in the TV marathons and such. Maybe it's because of the Bond actor, I don't know. But guess what - we've got Connery back for our next outing! 5 out of 5

The Call: 85% (B+)

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Diamonds Are Forever

Film Review: You Only Live Twice

You Only Live Twice

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 13 June 1967
• Genre: Action
• Director: Lewis Gilbert
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writer: Roald Dahl

The Girls: Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi), a Japanese SIS agent, poisoned by a SPECTRE assassin, and "Kissy" Suzuki (Mie Hama), a civilian pearl-diver who gets "married" to Bond. A couple of girls so forgettable, they even killed off one of them, and you'd be hard-pressed to notice the difference. 2 out of 5.

Other Allies: "Tiger" Tanaka (Tetsurou Tanba), head of the SIS, Japan's equivalent of MI6. Also commands a ninja team which launches an assault on SPECTRE's base. Another joyful performance in the vein of Kerim Bey. 5 out of 5.

Richard Henderson (Charles Gray), one of Bond's contacts in Tokyo. He also has a fair camaraderie with Bond, having allegedly served in a war together.  Of course, that doesn't stop him from accidentally serving him a martini "stirred, not shaken".  Stabbed in the back by a SPECTRE assassin.  4 out of 5.

The Villain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance), the number 1 executive of SPECTRE. While his performance is a little weak, the way he manipulates everyone, even those loyal to him, commands some thunder out of his presence. Plus, the way he's been kept out of sight for the past few movies only adds to the drama of his big reveal. Escapes after his operation is foiled.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Mr. Osato (Teru Shimada), head of the Osato chemical concern and an accomplice of Blofeld, shot by Blofeld; Helga Brandt (Karin Dor), assassin and the number 11 executive of SPECTRE, dropped into a piranha pond by Blofeld; and Hans (Ronald Rich), Blofeld's bodyguard and a Red Grant expy, thrown into the same piranha pond by Bond. A forgettable roundup. Not helping is the fact that Brandt and Hans are ripoffs of other characters (respectively, Red Grant and Fiona Volpe), and that Hans, in particular, is given very little to do. 2 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Not much in the way of gadgets. The most notable one is a miniature rocket launcher hidden in a cigarette, supplied by Tanaka's ninja team. As for vehicles, Aki drives a white Toyota 2000GT convertible, equipped with a closed-circut TV link to Tanaka.  Fun Fact: The car was originally sold only as a hard-top coupe, but since the 6-foot-2 Sean Connery could not fit comfortably inside, they modified it for the film to be roofless.  Not to be outdone, Q provides Bond with "Little Nellie", a personal helicopter armed with rockets, mines, and more. 3 out of 5.

The Locations: This film takes place almost entirely in one country, Japan, with the exception of the opening scenes in Hong Kong. Fun Fact: This is the only Bond film not to have any scenes set within the United Kingdom, unless you were to count their then-terrirory of Hong Kong. Second Fun Fact: The Little Nellie scene had to be filmed in Spain; it was originally set over a national park in Japan, but local authorities did not take kindly to stuff blowing up overhead.

The Opening Sequence: A boring intro that uses three elements: footage of volcanoes erupting in the background, and silhouettes of geishas and these spiderweb/satellite things in the foreground. 1 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Nancy Sinatra. It makes the opening credits even more boring, but at least the lyrics give you something to ponder: "You only live twice / or so it seems / one life for yourself / and one for your dreams". The very words I live by. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: This was the first Bond movie to noticeably differ from its source novel, thanks to replacement writer Roald Dahl (of all people). The book, which takes place after On Her Majesty's Secret Service, starts with Bond taking a cushy diplomatic job in Tokyo to recover his mental health after the death of his wife. Things get complicated when he discovers that Blofeld is living somewhere in the country, running a castle and garden filled with poisonous plants and animals. Tanaka helps Bond prepare a one-man ninja raid on the castle, where he kills Blofeld and his wife, but falls on the way out and suffers amnesia. Dahl was highly critical of the book, claiming it was a travelogue "with no plot in it which would even make a movie", thus prompting him to do a total rewrite.

The Plot: An American spacecraft mysteriously disappears from radar mid-flight, and Pentagon officials blame the Soviets for its disappearance. The British, however, are convinced a third party is involved. Cut to Bond, getting some sexy R&R in Hong Kong, when he suddenly gets shot up by two gunmen and is killed. Cue opening credits. Turns out Bond wasn't really killed; it was a publicity stunt organised by MI6 to give him some cover for his next mission: investigate leads relating to the rocket theft in Japan. In Tokyo, Bond makes contact with SIS agent Aki and expat Richard Henderson. Henderson suggests a third party is involved in the rocket theft, but is killed before divulging anything useful. Bond takes down his assassin, steals his identity, and hitches a ride to the Osato corporation's office. He steals some files and gets a ride out with Aki, who leads him into a trap. At the other end is her boss, "Tiger" Tanaka, and together they analyse the files, which include a photo of a shipping vessel, the Ning-Po.

The next day, Bond returns to the office and visits Mr. Osato in person, posing as an industrial buyer. From there, he and Aki drive to Kobe and investigate the Ning-Po, but Bond gets captured. He makes a deal with his captor, Helga Brandt, but on their flight out, she reneges and bails out, leaving Bond to crash-land the plane. He then heads for Tanaka's villa, where they deduce that SPECTRE could be involved in the orbital affairs. Once they identify the next place where the Ning-Po docked, he travels there on the Little Nellie, a miniature helicopter supplied by Q, and fights off some SPECTRE helicopters guarding the place. That night, a Soviet-manned space flight is captured in the same manner as before, worsening tensions between Moscow and Washington. Back in Japan, Tanaka and Bond prepare to assault SPECTRE's base with an assault team of ninjas. Aki is poisoned and killed by an assassin gunning for Bond, but he continues training and assumes a false identity in an Ama village near the base, complete with a cover marriage to Kissy Suzuki, a local pearl-diver. During a fishing excursion, Bond and Kissy slip away to investigate a suspicious dormant volcano; they discover it to be the location of SPECTRE's base. While Kissy leaves to contact Tanaka, Bond goes in alone.

Bond rescues some of the captured astronauts and takes one of their place in piloting a craft that would steal a second American rocket and precipitate nuclear war between the USA and USSR. But he commits a faux-pas, is caught, identified, and brought to meet Blofeld face-to-face. After receiving an overview of Blofeld's plan, he creates a diversion with one of his rocket cigarettes, enabling Tanaka's team to drop in from the fake crater. Heading out to his escape route, Blofeld shoots Osato for his failures, and tries to shoot Bond but is stopped by Tanaka. Remembering a self-descruct button in the control room he came from, Bond doubles back that way, taking down Blofeld's bodyguard Hans along the way. Successfully blowing up the SPECTRE spacecraft before it can capture the American flight, the Pentagon calls off its attack plan. But before Bond and co. can celebrate, Blofeld triggers the self-destruct sequence to the base itself. Bond, Tanaka, Kissy, and their team escape through a cave to the ocean, where they are greeted by some liferafts -- and an MI6 submarine, intent on crashing Bond and Kissy's "honeymoon". You are now free to turn off your TV.

In essentially re-writing the plot instead of basing it off of Ian Fleming's original novel, Roald Dahl may have borrowed a few pages from other Bond adventures, but he took some of the best pages. There's a reason the idea of getting two superpowers to fight and take down one another has been used so often throughout the franchise: it works. It serves as a politically-based source of tension without being overly complicated, and it makes you think about whether or not we as a people really want war. As for how it was executed this time around, it was implied in one scene that SPECTRE was engineering this conflict because they had been paid off by China, but I wish they had expanded on that plot thread. While YOLT lacks the well-developed intricacies of From Russia With Love, it makes up for that in the production design, not the least example being Blofeld's hollowed-out volcano base. YOLT could be described as a more typical action movie in some parts (you won't see a countdown close-shave in FRWL, for example), but that only helps make it more fun to watch. I just hope it helps you better appreciate entries like FRWL or the 2006 Casino Royale. 4 out of 5.

The Call: 75% (B-)

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On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Film Review: Thunderball

Thunderball

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 22 December 1965 (USA), 29 December 1965 (UK)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Terence Young
• Producers: Kevin McClory, Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Ian Fleming, Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham

The Girl: Dominique "Domino" Derval (Claudine Auger, dubbed by Nikki van der Zyl). Mistress of Largo, and sister of NATO pilot François Derval. Being in the custody of the villain, as well as receiving the shocking revelation that her brother was killed, makes her one of the most sympathetic Bond girls. 4 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Rik van Nutter), returning CIA agent; Paula Caplan (Martine Beswick), another ally who is captured by Fiona and kills herself with cyanide under torture. Nothing to see here, move on.  Fun Fact: Paula's actress also played Zora, one of the gypsy girls in From Russia With Love.  2 out of 5.

The Villain: Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi), the number-2 officer of SPECTRE, and engineer of Operation Thunderball. Not that we're far into this franchise, but Largo is the most dangerous-feeling Bond villain we've seen yet. Maybe it's the eyepatch, maybe it's the way he tries to torture Domino in cold blood at the end, I don't know. Shot with a harpoon by Domino. 5 out of 5.

Other Villains: Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi), SPECTRE assassin and another of Largo's mistresses, "accidentally" shot by her own henchman; Vargas (Philip Locke), Largo's chaste hitman, shot with a harpoon by Bond. Another mildly awesome bunch, shame they were under-developed. At least Fiona gets her moment to shine when she chews out Bond for making love to her with the intent to turn her to the side of "good". *clap* Truly *clap* brilliant. *clap* 4 out of 5.

The Gadgets: The most famous gadget from this movie is the pocket rebreather, yet unlike most Bond gadgets, this one could not work in real life. Among other things, it needs some sort of air sack that can hold more than one lungful of air. More plausible are the jetpack, the radioactive homing pill, the Geiger counter/camera, and the Aston Martin DB5, now equipped with high-pressure water cannons. 3 out of 5.

The Locations: England, France, and the Bahamas.

The Opening Credits: The first opening sequence designed by Maurice Binder, this one featured silhouettes of men and women swimming in multi-coloured water. Simple, but a visual treat. 5 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Tom Jones. From the lyrics which paint the target man (Bond? Maybe Largo?) as a cold-hearted, one-track-mind monster, to the high note at the end which apparently caused Jones to pass out after recording it, this track hits you over the head with its bombastic awesomeness. But this was actually a last-minute replacement for another song, "Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", performed by Shirley Bassey. Despite its late omission, this song is still prevalent in the film's score. Fun Fact: The switch occured because UA wanted the theme song to have the film's title in it. 5 out of 5.

The Novel: Another mostly faithful transition, but that was kind of a forced deal. See, in the late 1950s, Ian Fleming collaborated with Irish director Kevin McClory to develop a James Bond feature film. The project didn't initially pan out, so Fleming went ahead and adapted the script into the novel Thunderball. Not having been credited, McClory was not amused. He sued Fleming for plagiarism, but they settled out of court. When Broccoli and Salzman produced the film adaptation of Thunderball, McClory was credited as a co-writer and co-producer, the damage was far from over. We'll see the further ramifications of the dispute, mostly involving the rights of the name and characters of SPECTRE, when we discuss future Bond movies, so keep this in mind.

The Plot: The film opens with James Bond attending a funeral for another "JB": Jacques Bouvar, a SPECTRE assassin. But it turns out Bouvar is alive, and later tries to take down Bond. Instead, Bond kills Bouvar for real, and escapes via jetpack and Aston Martin. Cue opening credits. M assigns 007 to the Shrublands clinic for some forced R&R. At the clinic, his suspicions are aroused by a mister Count Lippe. Bond breaks into Lippe's room, and Lippe returns the favour by trying to kill Bond on a spinal traction machine. Still at the clinic, Bond chances upon the body of François Derval (Paul Stassino), a French NATO pilot who was intended to run a training flight on a plane with two atomic bombs. It turns out he was killed by another SPECTRE assassin, Angelo, who takes Derval's place and crash-lands the flight in the Atlantic Ocean, enabling a SPECTRE team to steal the bombs. The head of SPECTRE announces a £100 million bounty for the bombs, lest a random city in the US or UK be attacked with them. MI6 scrambles the 00 agents to headquarters to begin the search.

Upon receiving his file, 007 starts his investigation in Nassau to seek out Derval's sister, Domino. He meets her once for lunch, and once more at a casino, accompanied with Emilio Largo, for whom she is a mistress. He beats him at baccarat, shares a dance with Domino, and retreats to his hotel room to find Felix Leiter and a SPECTRE mook, whom they shoo out. The next day, Q equips him for a raid on Largo's yacht, the Disco Volante. He discovers that the boat may be used to hold the warheads, but is chased off to shore and hitches a ride to his hotel with Fiona Volpe. The following night, Bond conducts a raid on Largo's estate, Palmyra, and discovers his captured ally, Paula, killed herself under torture. Back at his hotel, he encounters Fiona in his room. They have at it, only for her and some men to kidnap him. He makes a break for it at the Junkanoo parade, but they catch up to him at the Kiss Kiss, an outdoor nightclub. As Bond and Fiona are dancing, one of her henchman accidentally shoots her in the back. (Fun Fact: To this day, fans are divided as to whether or not this was intentional on Bond's part, in which case it would be the first time he kills a woman in cold blood.)
With Fiona out of the way, Bond and Leiter scout the sea and find the downed plane, sans bombs. From there, Bond takes a dive and meets Domino scuba-diving. On the beach, he tells her that her brother is dead, asks for her help, and spears Vargas, the assassin who was trailing them. Armed with Bond's Geiger counter/camera, she starts searching for the bombs on the Disco Volante, but is caught by Largo. Meanwhile, Bond tags along with a SPECTRE team to pick up the bombs, and learns of their first target: Miami. The US Coast Guard engages in an underwater battle and the first bomb is surrendered, but Largo escapes to the Disco Volante. Bond sneaks on board and fights him; in the end, Largo is speared by Domino. Bond and Domino bail out before the ship crashes, and are picked up by a Coast Guard plane. You may now turn off your TV.

As I was first exploring the early Bond franchise, I admit I wasn't that into Thunderball at first. My original hangup was over the pacing, since there are long stretches in the beginning that don't involve Bond. Plus, as a result of the aforementioned rights dispute, this story got a remake in the 1980s, which we'll get to eventually. But as a maturing critic, I've learned to look past all that and can see this for what it is: another solid effort. For all the trouble Fleming had to get this to the big screen (shame he died before it was finished), it was worth it, especially for the character-driven moments involving Largo and Domino. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 90% (A-)

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You Only Live Twice

Film Review: Goldfinger

Goldfinger

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 18 September 1964 (UK), 9 January 1965 (USA)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Guy Hamilton
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Richard Maibaum, Paul Dehn

The Girls: Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton). Goldfinger's partner in crime in Miami, killed and covered in gold paint on Goldfinger's orders; Tilly Masterson (Tania Mallet), Jill's vengeful sister, neck broken by Oddjob's hat; and Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman). Goldfinger's pilot and leader of a stunt pilot team. None of the girls has that much chemistry with Bond (that is, until he force-feeds such chemistry to them), but it only serves to highlight their independent nature. 4 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Cec Linder). Bond's ally in the CIA, last seen in Dr. No. Instead of Jack Lord's coolness, Linder instead portrays Leiter an older, more serious establishment type, so if you're into Mad Men, you might get something out of it. 3 out of 5.

The Villain: Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe, dubbed by Michael Collins). Runs a metallurgy industry with gold smuggling on the side. Goldfinger's character exhibits an obsession on gold bordering on paranoia, but he always has his eyes on the prize, running legitimate metalworking operations whilst engineering a nuclear attack on Fort Knox. Fun fact: He was named after Ernő Goldfinger, a Hungarian architect, who was not amused. Second fun fact: Because of Fröbe's former ties to the Nazi party in Germany, this film was banned in Israel -- until a Jewish family disclosed that he had helped protect them during the Holocaust. Sucked out of an airplane window.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Oddjob (Harold Sakata). Goldfinger's Korean-born bodyguard who throws a razor-brimmed hat as a weapon. Having no lines, Oddjob doesn't show his personality as well as, say, Red Grant, but he's equally strong, tough, and deadly, forcing Bond to really use his noodle to get through him. Oh, and no matter what Goldeneye 007 may have told you, Oddjob is not a midget. Electrocuted by Bond. 5 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Most of 007's gear this time around is centered around his new car, an Aston Martin DB5. Q Branch modified it to include a smoke screen, oil slick, front machine guns, tire slashers (think Ben-Hur) an ejector seat, and a display screen for his new homing devices. One of the homers is magnetic, and the other fits in a secret compartment in Bond's shoe. Having all the gadgets centered around the one car in some form or another only serves to make the car that much more awesome. Shame it crashes. 5 out of 5.

The Locations: Set in the United States (Florida, Kentucky), England, and Switzerland.

The Opening Credits: Scenes from the film are projected onto a golden statue of a woman. Much like the credits from the last movie, except much more static. 4 out of 5.

The Theme Song: Sung by Shirley Bassey. Like so many other elements of the film, this song and its performance served as a blueprint for so many other Bond and non-Bond themes. It's campy, sure, but the way Bassey goes over-the-top with the energy of her performance pushes that camp into awesomeness levels. Lyrics ain't bad, too. News flash: Goldfinger loves gold and is bad for women. It's a shame Jill Masterson didn't take her advice. 5 out of 5.

The Novel: Published in 1959, the novel Goldfinger was once again given a tight adaptation into film. The one major difference is the final step in Goldfinger's plan: in the book, he intends to physically steal the gold from Fort Knox. This point is brilliantly deconstructed in the film, as explained below.

The Plot: Bond starts out in an unidentified South/Central American location, blowing up a drug smuggler's operation, attempting an after-hours rendez-vous with a cabaret dancer, and surviving an attack. After the opening credits, he gets some R&R at a Miami hotel, until Felix Leiter shows up and gives him an assignment: to shadow a mister Auric Goldfinger, playing a successful game of gin rummy at that very hotel. Bond heads up to Goldfinger's suite and discovers Jill Masterson, his trophy girlfriend, spying on his card quarry and helping him cheat. Bond cuts him off and has his way with Jill, but then gets knocked out by an assailant. When he wakes up, he discovers her dead and covered in gold paint.

Back in London, Bond receives his mission and equipment from MI6, then meets Goldfinger at a local country club for a game of golf. Bond wagers with a £5000 bar of Nazi gold (notice how Fröbe reacts to it -- read the fun facts above) and loses, only to reveal that Goldfinger had switched his balls mid-game (partly a trap set up by Bond), thus disqualifying him. Before parting ways, Bond attaches one of his homing devices to Goldfinger's car, and tracks it to the vicinity of Geneva, Switzerland. Whilst tailing him, Bond apparently comes under fire, gets passed by a girl he suspects was the shooter, disables her car, and gives her a ride. She introduces herself as Tilly Soames, and is dropped off at a mechanic's garage.

That night, Bond raids Goldfinger's local office, used for gold smelting and smuggling operations. He overhears Goldfinger discuss something called "Operation Grand Slam" with Mr. Ling, a Chinese nuclear scientist. On his way out, he trips an alarm and meets the girl from before. She reveals herself as Tilly Masterson, and is seeking revenge on Goldfinger for killing her sister Jill. The two are arrested by Goldfinger's guards and driven off. They try to escape, but Tilly is killed by Oddjob and Bond crashes his car and is knocked out. When he comes to, he finds himself strapped to a table and about to be cut in half by a laser, but convinces Goldfinger that killing him would be a worthless mistake. So instead, he has Bond tranquilised for a third time.

Bond wakes up on Goldfinger's private plane, in the presence of his pilot, Pussy Galore. They land at an airport in Kentucky, where Galore runs an all-female team of stunt pilots, and are met by Oddjob, who drives them to Goldfinger's horse-breeding farm. Whilst keeping Bond locked up, Goldfinger holds a meeting with a collection of his crime boss debtors. To repay them for their services, he details Grand Slam: a plan to raid Fort Knox, the gold depository-slash-military outpost. He intends to have Galore and her pilots spray nerve gas (which, ubeknownst to his business partners, is lethal) over the area, incapacitating the soldiers, and have his team blow up the electric fence so they can get inside. But little does he know that Bond has escaped and is listening in on his presentation, only to get re-caught by Galore.

Worried about Bond, Leiter visits the farm to check on his ally, so Goldfinger has him summoned out to convince the CIA that he doesn't need any help. Bond discusses Grand Slam with Goldfinger, and deduces that the plan is not to steal the gold from Fort Knox, but to detonate an atomic bomb inside it, rendering the gold radioactive and useless for decades, and making Goldfinger's own gold that much more valuable. He leaves him with Galore, whom Bond takes to a barn and... more or less rapes. Yeah... kinda not cool when you think about it. #Rapey

The next day, Operation Grand Slam is put into effect. Galore's pilots spray the nerve gas over the Fort Knox area, presumably killing the soldiers, and Oddjob's team breaks into the gold vault. Goldfinger and Ling arrive with the bomb, arm it, handcuff Bond to it, and send them down into the vault. But it turns out that the soldiers weren't killed by the gas after all; the troops close in, causing Goldfinger to panic, lock Bond and Oddjob in the vault, and escape. With the bomb ticking, Bond unlocks his handcuffs and fights Oddjob, killing him by sticking his hat between some metal bars and electrocuting the whole thing. Only seconds are left before the bomb goes off, but then Leiter and his team make it in the vault and simply switch the thing off -- with 007 seconds on the counter.

Leiter explains to Bond that, due to a crisis of conscience, Galore had switched the gas used by her team and, warned the CIA about the plot. Bond is then sent off on a flight to the White House, to receive a personal thank-you from the president, but it turns out Goldfinger and Galore had hijacked the plane. Before Goldfinger can shoot Bond, Bond fights back, discharging his golden revolver into one of the plane's windows. The depressurisation sucks Goldfinger out the window, but the plane starts losing altitude fast, so Bond and Galore escape via the plane's ejector seats. The film ends with the couple making out under their parachute. You are now free to turn off your TV.

Goldfinger's scale differs from the other films in that instead of continuing the SPECTRE saga, it has Bond fighting an independent criminal in a stand-alone mission. Not that that's a bad thing, of course, but it doesn't feel right next to the excellent, more down-to-earth From Russia With Love. Let me put it to you this way: I can't sit still thinking that B- and C-list spy fictions borrow their stuff from this kind of Bond movie. It's camp, but it's awesome camp. If there's anything this has over From Russia With Love, it's that it has many more memorable moments. A little too memorable in fact, when you consider all the other writers out there who took inspiration from the gadgets, the sets, the characters, etc. but not the plot - which this film also does right. I may take some issue with this being called the best of Bond, but Goldfinger has it where it counts and goes the extra mile in creating a mission the viewer will never forget. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 90% (A-)

IchigoRyu will return in
Thunderball

Film Review: From Russia With Love

From Russia With Love

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 11 October 1963 (UK), 27 May 1964 (USA)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Terence Young
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Richard Maibaum, Johanna Harwood

The Girl: Tatiana "Tania" Romanova (Daniela Bianchi, dubbed by Barbara Jefford), a clerk at the Soviet consulate in Turkey. Initally, she answers to Colonel Klebb, who assigns her to seduce and murder James Bond. As part of her plan, she helps him steal the Lektor, a decoding machine from the consulate. While Bianchi's lines were once again re-recorded, the alternate actress they got sounds a touch more into it compared to Honey Ryder's. Tania's chemistry with Bond is a step up, as well; they interact just like the newlywed couple they pose as. 5 out of 5.

Other Allies: Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendariz), Bond's contact in Istanbul. Through his performance, Kerim comes across as spirited and streetwise, and feels like he could be a firm friend as well as an invaluable, well-connected asset. Not-so-Fun Fact: Kerim's actor was terminally ill with cancer during filming, so after he struggled through his parts, he returned to the hospital, where he took his own life before the disease could. In the movie, he is killed by Grant on the train. Desmond Llewelyn also makes his first appearance as Q. 5 out of 5.

The Villain: Colonel Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya). A former SMERSH agent who defected from the Soviet Union and became the Number 3 officer in SPECTRE. Klebb instills terror in all who serve under her, yet at the same time she exhibits some fear of her own, having to answer to the strict boss of SPECTRE. She is shot by Tania, while trying to take back the Lektor personally.  5 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Donald "Red" Grant (Robert Shaw) is a hitman for SPECTRE. There's a reason the tall, blond, well-built archetype of a Bond henchman has been used so often since Grant: he gives off the air that he is better than you -- and better than Bond. He is killed with his own garotte watch by Bond.

Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal) is a Czechoslovak chess master, the Number 5 officer in SPECTRE, and the mastermind of the plot. He is killed by Klebb's poison-dagger shoe in a debriefing with Number 1.

Morzeny (Walter Gotell) runs the SPECTRE training camp. He also takes the lead in the boat chase, as a last-ditch attempt to wrest the Lektor from Bond. He is burned alive for his efforts. 5 out of 5.

The Gadgets: The first true gadget in the Bond film franchise is the utility briefcase from this movie. It holds throwing knives and gold Sovereign coins in hidden compartments, comes with a collapsing sniper rifle, and fires tear gas if opened improperly. Not to be outdone, Klebb and Morzeny use a shoe with a poison-coated knife, and Grant uses a watch with a garotte wire. The technology is simple yet effective; truly a window into the tools utilised by real-world espionage agents of the time. 5 out of 5.

The Locations: Contrary to what the title would have you believe, this film does not take place in the Soviet Union. Locations include Istanbul, Turkey; Yugoslavia (modern-day Serbia and Croatia); and Trieste and Venice, Italy.

The Theme Song: The opening credits of Russia once again use an instrumental theme, this time composed by Lionel Bart. It's a firey, passionate, exotic string arrangement that even segues into the Monty Norman theme near the end. A reprise in the ending credits adds vocals from Matt Munro, but it's been toned down so much that it will bore anybody who's not into the Rat Pack. 5 out of 5 for the instrumental, 2 out of 5 for the vocal version.

The Opening Credits: The credits are lights projected onto a belly dancer. It's the only concept the scene uses, and at times it makes the credits hard to make out, but it fits perfectly with the music and the setting we'll be introduce to in a moment. 4 out of 5.

The Novel: Published in 1957. Another faithful adaptation, although Klebb still works for the Soviet Union instead of SPECTRE. Notably, at the very end of the book, Klebb manages to stab and poison Bond with her shoe-knife.  This was intended as a jumping-off point if Ian Fleming had decided to end the series there.  But obviously, that was not the case, so Bond starts the follow-up novel, Dr. No, recovering from that incident.  It has been said that this was the favourite novel of US president John F. Kennedy, and the film was reportedly the last one he saw before his untimely passing in 1963.

The Plot: In the first pre-credit sequence of the Bond film franchise, our hero is sneaking around a hedge maze, trying to evade the assassin "Red" Grant. Grant kills him, with a garrote wire hidden in his wristwatch, but surprise: it was a training exercise, and the victim was someone else in a mask. Next stop is Venice, Italy, where Czechoslovak chess master Kronsteen is summoned by his superior in SPECTRE. He outlines a plan which would ignite tensions between NATO and the Soviet bloc, and avenge the death of their operative Dr. No. The plan is to tempt British Intelligence with a decryption machine called the Lektor, In Istanbul, Turkey, where Soviet agent Tatiana Romanova receives a mission from her supposed boss, Klebb, to pretend to help Bond steal the Lektor. Bond is assigned a similar mission by M, who is wary that the Lektor could be bait for a trap, but can't resist the chance for an intelligence advantage over the Russians.

In Istanbul, Bond meets Kerim Bey, head of MI6's Station T. He introduces him to life in Turkey, including the omnipresence of Bulgarian agents. Kerim survives an assassination attempt which he blames on Krilencu, one of their number. He takes Bond down to the ancient sewers beneath the Soviet consulate, where they spy on their meeting room and confirm the Russians' complicity with Krilencu. To beat the heat, he takes Bond to a gypsy camp, where the night's entertainment includes a belly dancer, a catfight, and a shoot-out with Krilencu and the Bulgarians. Secretly, Grant stays hidden in the shadows and keeps Bond alive. Afterwards, Bond and Kerim head back to Istanbul to assassinate Krilencu.

Bond returns to his hotel room only find Tania in his bed. They have at it, and the next day, she arranges to hand him off the consulate's blueprints at the Hagia Sophia mosque. A Russian agent attempts to steal it before Bond, but Grant secretly kills him. With everything and everyone in place, the heist is then pulled off. Kerim sets off a bomb underneath the consulate, providing a diversion to let Bond and Tania steal the Lektor. The three of them flee Istanbul on the Orient Express train, but Benz, a Russian officer, spots Tania and assumes she's defecting. On board, Kerim volunteers to take care of Benz, but Bond discovers them both dead.

At Zagreb (in modern-day Croatia), Grant boards the train, posing as a British agent. At dinner, Grant spikes Tania's wine with a sleeping drug, then corners Bond and brags about his plan. He is working for SPECTRE, who wishes to put the British and Russians at war with one another, and steal the Lektor for themselves. Grant protected Bond at the gypsy camp and at Hagia Sophia, so the Lektor heist could go on as planned, and filmed him and Tania making love as part of a blackmail scheme. To get out of trouble, Bond offers to buy some cigarettes. Grant goes to get some of the coins from Bond's suitcase, but instead triggers the tear gas, and a fight ensues. Bond, of course, comes out on top when he chokes Grant with his on garrote-wire watch.

Nearing Trieste, Bond and Tania disembark and take Grant's intended escape route. A SPECTRE helicopter arrives to retrieve the Lektor, only to attack Bond; he defends himself with his sniper rifle. Next, Bond and Tania must take a boat to Venice, but Morzeny, having killed Kronsteen for his failure, makes his own attempt to steal the Lektor. Bond gets away by dumping the boat's spare fuel and igniting it with a flare gun. At their hotel in Venice, Klebb tries one last time to take the Lektor; armed with a poison blade in her shoe, she and Bond fight, but Tania shoots her. The film ends with the two of them making out in a gondola. You are now free to turn off your TV.

If you could choose one movie to represent the early Bond era -- nay, scratch that, the entire frickin' franchise, then this is it. This is one of those films where you learn a little more about the plot every time you watch it, as you unravel the web of who's playing who. The fact that SPECTRE takes such great lengths to protect Bond's interests until the right moment shows how well-thought out the plot is. At the same time, even if you don't yet understand all the political intrigue driving the plot, it still works as a dang fine heist story. Numerous Bond actors and producers have chosen From Russia With Love as their favourite out of all the films in the series; here's hoping you take the hint. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 100% (A+)

IchigoRyu will return in:
Goldfinger

Film Review: Dr. No

Dr. No

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: EON Productions
• Release: 6 October 1962 (UK), 8 May 1963 (USA)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Terence Young
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Salzman
• Writers: Richard Maibaum, Johanna Harwood, Berkley Mather

The Girl: Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress, dubbed by Nikki van der Zyl). A civilian shell scavenger not intentionally involved in Dr. No's affairs. Most famous for her entrance, rising up from the sea in a white bikini. Frankly, she doesn't add much to the story apart from fanservice (very much so in the book, see below). Their chemistry can be summed up as thus: she wants to tag along while Bond wants her to stay safe and out of the way. All things considered, how they end up together is a mystery (funny what trauma can do to a couple). And even though same-language dubbing was more acceptable back in 1962, in order to mask the accents of foreign actors like Andress, the performance we get just seems out of it. 2 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Jack Lord), a CIA agent investigating Dr. No's actions; and Quarrel (John Kitzmiller), a black Cayman Islander working with Leiter. They're both streetwise and competent, useful assets for an ally to have. Oh, and don't be suprised if you keep expecting Leiter to say "Book 'em, Danno" at some point. Quarrel is killed by No's dragon tank. 3 out of 5.

The Villain: Dr. Julius No (Joseph Wiseman). This titular half-Chinese scientist has an artificial metal hand, not that it matters much since he wears gloves all the time. In the film, he is an agent of SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terror, Revenge, and Extortion). The since-deceased Wiseman plays his role on the cold-blooded side. He doesn't get much of a chance to break loose in terms of acting, but he does invoke a sense of fear in nearly everyone he interacts with, especially Professor Dent. No is killed by being boiled alive in radioactive water. 4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Professor Dent (Anthony Dawson), a geologist; and Miss Taro (Zena Marshall), secretary to a Jamaican official. Dent is shot by Bond, and Taro is sent to jail by same.

The Gadgets: Not much to speak of, but this is only the first movie; give it some time. A henchman does use a cyanide-laced cigarette to kill himself before Bond can interrogate him.

The Locations: Set and filmed in England and Jamaica. Crab Key is a fictional location, filmed in Jamaica, where Dr. No has set up his base.

The Theme Song: Dr. No simply uses the iconic instrumental James Bond theme. What do I need to say; it's omnipresent in the series, and for a good reason - it's that awesome. The version in the opening credits segues into a calypso version of "Three Blind Mice", representing the three blind assassins who kill Strangways. 5 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: The credits sequence in Dr. No is divided into three parts: 1) The famous gun-barrel walk segues directly into an animation of coloured dots, 2) coloured silhouettes of people dancing to the aforementioned calypso music, and 3) the "three blind mice" walking the streets of Jamaica en route to execute the hit on Strangways. All in all, a rather simple if cute affair. 4 out of 5.

The Novel: The novel Dr. No, by Ian Fleming, was first published in 1958, and was rather faithfully adapted by the film. Among the differences in the book, Dr. No was working for the Soviet Union instead of SPECTRE, and Bond killed him by burying him in guano. Oh, and Honey is naked on arrival.

The Plot: Mr. Strangways, a British agent in Jamaica, is killed, and some of his files stolen. The files pertain to Doctor No, suspected of "toppling" American rocket launches via radio signals, sending them off course. M (Bernard Lee), of the Special Intelligence Service, dispatches James Bond, code number 007, to investigate. In Kingston, Bond's taxi driver turns out to be an enemy agent, but he commits suicide before Bond can learn anything from him. He then goes on to meet Quarrel, a fisherman, and Felix Leiter, a CIA agent. Quarrel knows about Crab Key, Dr. No's supposed base of operations, but refuses to take him there out of fear of a "dragon". However, he does give Bond some rock samples taken from Crab Key. Bond has them checked by Professor Dent and learns nothing, but Dent is secretly an agent of No, who tries to kill Bond with a tarantula that night. It fails. Bond sets up a date with Miss Taro, secretary at the Government House, only to survive a trap. Strangway's assassins die in a car chase, Miss Taro is arrested, and Dent is shot.

Now Quarrel is finally ready to take Bond to Crab Key. Once landing, they meet Honey Ryder and hide from a patrol boat. The three venture deeper into the island, evading further patrols and getting to know one another. In the night, they encounter the "dragon", in actuality a fire-breathing tank. Quarrel is killed by the tank, and Bond and Ryder captured. They are held together in a luxurious prison and invited to dinner, where they meet Dr. No. After the meal, Bond lashes out but is locked in another cell for his efforts. He escapes through the air ducts, ends up in the control room of No's operation, sabotages it by overloading the nuclear reactor, and kills No by dunking him in the boiling, radioactive water. The base starts to self-destruct; in the chaos, Bond rescues Ryder and they escape by boat.  You are now free to turn off your TV.

Being the first big-screen Bond adventure, Dr. No wisely takes it easy. The plot isn't overly complicated; the first half is Bond doing detective work and the second half is his raid on Crab Key. I can understand this being the norm in the pre-Schwarzenegger film era, and while I wouldn't call it boring, I should at least warn the more younger-minded of my readers about these trends. In terms of the production design, it's doesn't stand up to the grand scale sets we expect of the Bond series these days, but again, these customs were not yet developed, so give them time. All in all, it works, but it's hard to appreciate this movie as anything but the beginning of a saga. 3 out of 5.

The Call: 75% (B-)

IchigoRyu will return in:
From Russia With Love