Top Ten: Best Sonic the Hedgehog Games (Revisited)

Previously on the SDP, I updated my list of the worst Sonic the Hedgehog games. Despite declaring my love for the Sonic franchise, I did the list anyway because a good fan should not only celebrate the good parts of their fandom, but accept the bad that comes with it. But I wouldn't have been a fan in the first place if it didn't include something providing actual entertainment value, and I'm proud to say that there are enough good Sonic titles to fill yet another top-eleven list. Why top eleven? Because when you’re as big a fan as I am, you’ve got to go one step beyond. So, let’s not waste any time -- Sonic would’ve wanted it that way -- and count down the top eleven best Sonic the Hedgehog games!

11) Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II
Platforms: PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.
Developer: Sonic Team / Dimps
Release: 2012

Look, how many times do I have to tell you people? I. Liked. Sonic. 4. I don't care what you think about the physics. After all the feature cruft that previous games were stuffed with, I appreciate the back-to-basics approach that Sonic Team and Dimps took with these downloadable-only titles. Sonic 4 goes back to square one, featuring only the abilities from the first and second games. (And the Homing Attack, but that doesn't count. I actually like using it.)  Even so, of the two episodes, I'm putting the second one on this list. In addition to the Chaos Emeralds, each act packs three Red Rings for you to find, and the inclusion of Tails means the addition of two-player support, both local and online. And regardless of whether you thought the physics changes brought on by Episode II made it better, it's comforting to know that Sega at least listens to the opinions of its fans. Capcom, when will you ever be this cool?

10) Sonic the Hedgehog
Platform: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 1991

Of course I’ve got to represent the one that started it all. The first Sonic the Hedgehog game on the Sega Genesis was a unique and well-executed platformer that still holds up to this day. Creativity is omnipresent in the level designs, with trappings like loops and springs which, by my knowledge, would've been impossible to program on anything that came before the Genesis. Still, I'd be lying if I said this isn’t an acquired taste for modern gamers, what with familiar trappings like Spin Dash from Sonic 2 not having been included yet. And say what you want about the role speed should play in the newer games, but some of the levels here, such as the Marble and Labyrinth Zones, don’t feel like they belong in a Sonic game. But may that still not detract from the fact that it laid down the groundwork for even better things to come.

9) Sonic Triple Trouble
Platform: Sega Game Gear
Developer: Aspect
Release: 1994

I'll admit, I didn't have a Sega Genesis growing up, but I did have a Game Gear, and it was the handheld Sonic games for that platform which gave me the bulk of my experience with it. And while my personal favourite was 1993's Sonic Chaos, I'll give credit to its follow-up, Sonic Triple Trouble, for being better technically. The graphics are the most detailed I’ve seen on any 8-bit console, and the gameplay of both Sonic and Tails has been fleshed out, with many abilities and power-ups for both. This portable Sonic game can still stand up to its bigger brothers on the Genesis. Previously reviewed here.

8) Sonic CD
Platform: Sega CD
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 1993

If there's any reason to own a Sega CD, this might be it. Sonic CD finds ways to wow us in ways the Genesis could only dream of, like the set of visually-stunning levels. But with Sonic's new time-travel abilities, past and future versions of each act are also available for you to explore! Even without those alternate level versions, this is a well-built action game, the likes of which were hard to come by on the Sega CD. So why isn't it higher on this list? The execution of the time-travel system leaves a bit to be desired, as the shifting of platforms and such between time periods creates some awkward level layouts, and the method of time-travel itself is inconvenient. Plus, in order to get the good ending, you have to hunt down the Badnik generators in each of the Past levels. Or, you could just do the Special Stages and collect the Chaos Emeralds -- I mean, Time Stones. As such, perhaps its relative obscurity may have magnified its standing in fans' eyes, but don't get me wrong, it's an incredibly solid adventure. With its recent ports on Steam, PSN, XBox Live, and iOS, you have even fewer reasons to pass it by. And one less reason to waste your money on a Sega CD.

7) Sonic & Knuckles
Platform: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team / Sega Technical Institute
Release: 1994

The character Knuckles the Echidna was introduced in Sonic the Hedgehog 3, which I will get to eventually, but later that year he was also given his own game: Sonic & Knuckles, where you can play as, well, Sonic or Knuckles. Sonic plays just as you’d expect, whereas Knuckles has his own unique abilities, namely gliding, wall-climbing, and breaking walls to discover areas unreachable by Sonic. Knuckles is pretty cool to play as, and if you want more of him, the Sonic & Knuckles cartridge can open up and lock-on to Sonic 2 or 3, so you can play as him in those games. Now, this game is a little bit short on its own, and some of the levels can drag on a bit too long -- especially Sandopolis Act 2 -- but it’s worth it to give Knuckles a try.

6) Sonic Rush
Platform: Nintendo DS
Developer: Sonic Team / Dimps
Release: 2005

While Sonic had little luck on the console front during the 2000s, the handheld scene was much kinder to the blue blur. Hot on the heels of the Sonic Advance trilogy, Sonic Team and Dimps teamed up once again to bring us Sonic Rush for the DS. The playable characters this time around are Sonic and newcomer Blaze the Cat, the bad@$$ defender of an alternate universe. As both have their own sets of levels for each of the Zones, there are essentially two games in one here. Sonic and Blaze play the same as each other, and in fact both have bestowed upon them a new boost ability. Fast, damaging to enemies, and limited by a refillable meter, this is a natural addition to the series' formula on par with the Spin Dash from Sonic 2.

5) Sonic Advance 3
Platform: Game Boy Advance
Developer: Sonic Team / Dimps
Release: 2004

Marking Sonic's debut on a non-Sega platform, the Sonic Advance trilogy was consistently solid, but I'm picking the third game as the best of the bunch. Perhaps to tie-in with Sonic Heroes -- which I almost put on this list, if you can believe it -- Sonic Advance 3 not only lets you play as one of five characters, but you also get to select a partner character who tags along behind your first choice. And don't worry, they're not tethered to you like in Knuckles Chaotix. The team you choose determines the special abilities at your disposal; for example, Sonic will let you do a speed boost, and Tails will toss you up to higher platforms. This addition makes for an optional yet welcome bit of depth that doesn’t interfere with the already solid platforming, but improves upon it.

4) Sonic the Hedgehog 3
Platform: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team / Sega Technical Institute
Release: 1994

Sonic 3 was so big, it couldn’t even fit in one game! Literally, the production costs got to the point where Sega had to put the other half of their content in  Sonic & Knuckles. But even on its own, Sonic 3 is a meaty chunk of an adventure. First of all, it builds off the already stellar Sonic 2 with new abilities like Tails’s flight powers, and three flavours of elemental shields. The sprite artwork and effects are even more detailed, and the Special Stages, while tricky, are sure to wow. And it also has a save feature, but on its own, you might not see why.Sonic 3 only contains 12 levels, versus 18 for the first game, although they do take longer to complete. But when you plug Sonic 3 into the lock-in bay on Sonic & Knuckles, you get to play both games back-to-back for an epic quest.

3) Sonic Generations
Platforms: PlayStation 3 and XBox 360
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2011

After the unqualified disaster was Sonic the Hedgehog's 15th anniversary, I am pleased to report that his 20th birthday was far more fulfilling, thanks to Sonic Generations. This game serves more or less as a greatest-hits version of the franchise, as it features original levels set in zones taken from across the Genesis, Dreamcast, and modern eras. Whilst some fans would potentially balk at the mere inclusion of settings from the likes of Sonic '06, it's not like they copied everything about those games. And quite frankly, their choice of Crisis City makes for an awesome level. Each has one act each for Classic Sonic, a completely 2D affair with all the abilities from Sonic 2, and one for Modern Sonic, alternating between 2D and 3D segments, much as in Sonic Unleashed and Colors. It seems short at first, but each zone also boasts a set of shorter challenges really boosting the replay value for those who stick around for it. Sonic Generations proves you can have both fanservice and a well-made product.

2) Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Platform: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team / Sega Technical Institute
Release: 1992

This is it - the video game which defined the Sega Genesis for me in the few opportunities I could play one when I was a lad. And judging by its status as one of the best-selling Genesis titles of all time, selling around 6 million units worldwide (second only to the first Sonic, with 15 million copies), I'm not alone. The level layouts are more inventive than in the first game, and are better-suited to Sonic’s abilities, yet they’re not overly long like in Sonic 3 or Sonic & Knuckles. Too bad things start dulling out by the time you hit Metropolis Zone. But barring that sludgy dreck of a world, the settings are memorable and fun, Masato Nakamura's music is even better, and Sonic's new standing Spin Dash makes getting up those pesky slopes a breeze. Plus, didn't you ever think that the pseudo-3D Special Stages, where you collected rings in a twisting half-pipe, were the coolest thing ever? Well, at least until Tails keeps hitting those bombs and losing your rings. Still, six million people can’t be wrong.

Before I wrap up this list, here are some honourable mentions.

Sonic Chaos for Game Gear. Among the Game Gear titles, I gave Triple Trouble the nod for its attention to detail, but its predecessor, Sonic Chaos, exhibits much of the good stuff that its sequel would build upon. You can play as Sonic or Tails, who have their own abilities and differences in difficulties. Sonic Chaos marked the point where the Game Gear Sonics became more than just ports of the Genesis games and evolved into their own thing. Previously reviewed here.

Sonic Heroes for Nintendo GameCube, PlayStation 2, and XBox. Unlike the Adventure games, Heroes sticks to linear 3-D platforming, but with a twist. You control a team of three characters at once, and you can switch between them on the fly, to take advantage of their specific abilities. This approach allows Sonic Team to leverage the vast cast of characters their franchise has built up over the years, without having them interfere with the Sonic gameplay model.

Sonic Mega Collection Plus for PlayStation 2 and XBox. I kept compilations off of this list because, by virtue of including so many games already on the list, they’d win by default. But my favourite of the Sonic compilation games produced thus far has to be this one. Seven Genesis games, plus six from the Game Gear, plus unlockable non-Sonic games, plus a digital issue of the Sonic comic. If you can find a copy, Mega Collection Plus is a perfect entry point to the Sonic franchise.

Sonic Unleashed for PlayStation 3, XBox 360, and Wii. This was the series' first major change in gameplay mechanics since Sonic Adventure, and it made a world of a difference. The 3D sections have much better control and design, the 2D segments keep things fresh, and even the Werehog stages are fun in a "like God of War but" kind of way.

Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode I for PlayStation 3, XBox 360, and Wii. Because [verb] you, that’s why. Previously reviewed here. And here.

And now...

1) Sonic Colors
Platform: Nintendo Wii
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2010

As if I haven't made it clear by now, Sonic has gone about most of the 2000s as if in some sort of drugged-up stupor, the likes of which would shame Lindsay Lohan. But late in the decade, I like to think he got some rehab from an unlikely source -- his old rival, Nintendo's Mario. It took a little while after they showed up together in games like Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games and Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but the Jumpman's influence finally showed through in 2010's Sonic Colors. First and foremost is the game's new key mechanic. Rather a gimmick that creates an entirely separate gameplay experience, like what Adventure and Unleashed thrust upon us, this game's use of power-ups called Wisps is well-integrated into one gameplay format. These colour-coded aliens can be used to transform Sonic into a laser beam, a drill, a sticky buzz-saw, a rocket, and more. While there are occasions where the use of Wisps is mandatory to continue, most of the time they're just tools to reach bonus collectibles with, so at least they're not shoving this new concept in our faces.

In lieu of relying on HD visuals, something the Wii is incapable of, Colors's worlds amaze through all the colourful and original sights they packed in -- this is set in a space-bourne amusement park, after all. You thought you've seen enough underwater and Asian-themed levels to last you a lifetime? Well, imagine both themes smashed into one. By Sonic standards, Sonic Colors is a massive game, with seven zones and six acts in each. Apart from trying to achieve high grades, diligent players can collect the five Red Rings in each zone and unlock Special Stages. Yeah, you could say the physics engine is still a little too tight, if you happened to not like Sonic 4: Episode I so much. But when counting all its good parts, I would compare Sonic Colors to the likes of Super Mario World on the SNES, which -- for the record -- is one of the best video games I've ever played. That I can once again make that kind of comparison proves once and for all that Sonic the Hedgehog is back and better than ever. Mind you, I made that statement before Sonic Boom came out, but still: Sonic Team, thank you for teaching me how to love again.

That’s it for my countdowns, so I’d like to end by saying: Happy anniversary, Sonic the Hedgehog! If you can keep giving is good games for another 25 years, I’ll be a happy camper. And if we get more bad games instead, hey, at least I’ll have enough material for another countdown!

This is IchigoRyu.

You are the resistance.

Top Ten: Worst Sonic the Hedgehog Games (Revisited)

With the recent anniversary of Sonic the Hedgehog, whose first game was delivered unto us in June of 1991, I've decided to finally relaunch my video series by adapting my list of the franchise's top ten worst games, previously written and posted in 2012. But in re-writing the script for that episode, I made so many changes and additions that I decided to post a new article for the new edition of my list, whilst keeping the older version intact for posterity. In fact, I even managed to add an extra slot to this list, making it a top-eleven. Why top eleven? Because when you're as big a fan as I am, you’ve got to go one step beyond. So, let's not waste any time! Sonic would've wanted it this way. Here are the new top eleven worst Sonic the Hedgehog games!

11) Sonic 3D Blast
Platforms: Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn
Developer: Traveller's Tales
Release: 1996

Looking back, it's amazing how little it takes to impress you as a kid. Playing this game in toy stores was a wow-inducing experience for me, since this was the first Sonic the Hedgehog game presented in 3D! ...Sort of. Really, it was just 3D models pre-rendered as 2D sprites a la Donkey Kong Country, which is a look that hasn’t aged all that well if I say so myself. But the gameplay’s still good, right? ...Not exactly. This isn’t one of those games where you can just rush to the level exit. No, you have to find and kill five enemy robots in each section, free the Flickies within, and bring them to the goal. But the controls are still good, right? Eh, no. Sonic in this game has a floaty feel to his movements which throws all attempts at precision out the window. But at least the soundtrack’s still good, right? ...Actually, yes. In fact, this happens to be among my favourite Sonic soundtracks, because I’m weird like that.

...Aww yeah. I wish I could stick around jamming to this, but I really should go on.

10) Sonic and the Black Knight
Platform: Nintendo Wii
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2009

Before Sonic Team got their act together (pun?) with the one-two punch of Sonic 4: Episode I and Sonic Colors, they were still in the business of tacking lame ideas onto their products. As evidence to that statement, enter Sonic and the Black Knight, the second entry in the Sonic Storybook spin-off series.  (I love alliteration.)  The Storybook series was a duology of Wii titles, the other being Sonic and the Secret Rings, which transplanted the Sonic universe into different pieces of world mythology. In the case of Black Knight, that would be the mythos of King Arthur and Camelot. Secret Rings was kind of okay, but Black Knight... not so much. See, Sonic uses a sword -- a talking sword -- no less. I wouldn't mind so much, but the combat is stop-and-go, with every swing of your sword killing Sonic’s momentum, and detection of your Wii Remote waggles to swing the darn thing are iffy at best. And some of the missions are completely dumb, too. There are some moments where you have to give rings to townspeople... by way of quick-time events. Why can’t I just give them the danged rings? What were they thinking? Now, I honestly think the concept of this universe was an interesting one with lots of potential, but it's the sluggish controls and short campaign that do this game in -- not its other crazy ideas.

9) Sonic Adventure 2
Platform: Sega Dreamcast
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2001

Oh, I’m not gonna make any friends for this one. But that’s not why I’m here. This entry has some polarizing opinions, from people who either strongly love it, or strongly hate it. And I... don’t like Sonic Adventure 2. For a time, every new Sonic game seemed to take one step forward, and two steps back. Take Sonic Adventure for example.  It featured six gameplay types, some of which had nothing to do with our concept of a Sonic game and/or just weren't very fun.  Adventure 2, meanwhile, pares them down to three types, and you don’t have to waste time in a hub world to get from level to level. But that just means you have to get through those different modes in order to get to the next chapter. And somehow they’re implemented even worse! Also, the voice-acting is lame, cutscene animation is wonky, and the story is... kind of dumb, too. There are some good bits, namely the Sonic and Shadow levels, but seriously, don’t let them blind you to the rest of the game’s problems.


8) Shadow the Hedgehog
Platforms: Nintendo GameCube, PlayStation 2, and XBox
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2005

A Sonic spinoff that has the use of guns, mild profanities, and vehicles, all based on the broken Sonic Adventure engine. This isn't going to end well. If there were any good concepts to be taken from this clusterfail, it would be the different missions you can undertake to influence your path throughout the story. But they had to ruin that, too: you also build up separate Hero and Dark scores based on which enemies you take out, and if you clear a mission for one side, your score for the other side gets subtracted from your total. Kinda hard to focus on that when everyone's gunning for you. The game has ten possible endings, but if you want to go for a different one, you’ll have to start a whole new game. Sure, there are only six possible levels in each play-through, but that means you’ll have to do the first stage ten times to get them all. What were they thinking? Supposedly the GameCube version is less awful in how well it runs, but it’s not much help against such a poorly-designed, poorly-conceived mess.

7) Sonic Labyrinth
Platform: Sega Game Gear.
Developer: Minato Giken
Release: 1995

Does everybody have a mental picture of Sonic 3D Blast? Good, now imagine that on the Game Gear... only Sonic can't run or jump. I just broke you, eh? Because of a contrivance -- I mean, because of the game’s story, Sonic went and had his shoes replaced with a pair of shoes that slow him down. Sonic still gets to use his spin dash, but that just means if you want any decent mobility to scoot around the stages, you'll have to deal with an unintuitive mechanic and all the infuriating sound effects that go along with it. Even without those limitations, navigating the game’s labyrinths, shall I say, is still a chore. Not only do parts of each map look the same, but later levels rely so heavily on warp doors and one-way moving platforms that they’ll make your head spin! As bad as you thought 3D Blast was, Labyrinth proves things could always be worse. And case in point, this isn’t the only Game Gear port on this list. Previously reviewed here.

6) Knuckles Chaotix
Platform: Sega 32X
Developer: Sega
Release: 1995

Well, no wonder the 32X bombed! I mean, apart from its poor timing of going on sale when consumers were already holding out for the Saturn, PlayStation, or Nintendo 64. The problem with this expansion console was that it never got a Sonic title! Well, it did, kind of, but it was still a torrent of poor ideas. Knuckles Chaotix stars not Sonic, but Knuckles the Echidna from Sonic 3, joined by the Chaotix, a cast of generally uninteresting supporting characters. Except maybe Espio the ninja chameleon. Because... ninja. But you'll have to deal with them, as during gameplay, both characters you choose are linked by an elastic "ring tether" at all times. Having this thrust upon you, combined with the uncooperative AI of your partner, leads to some unpredictable physics, and at worst case renders precision platforming nigh impossible. And I’m talking about in commonplace tasks, as in... running up a short quarterpipe. As an intended showcase for the 32X's abilities, Knuckles Chaotix is visually all up-in-your-face with fluorescent bright colours and zooming effects, but without fun gameplay backing it up, it falls flat on its face.

5) Sonic R
Platform: Sega Saturn
Developer: Traveller's Tales
Release: 1997

Speaking of failed Sega consoles, the Saturn was another infamous Sega flop which was also under-represented by the Blue Blur. The only original* Sonic game on the Saturn was Sonic R, which was not a traditional platformer but a racing game. Actually, since most of the characters run on foot, Sonic R is more of a cross between a platformer and a racer, so once again, there are some good ideas to be had. But, once again, all hopes of entertainment are dashed by the touchy controls which, I have to say, may be the worst controls I’ve ever had to deal with in any video game ever. I ended up discovering shortcuts completely by accident! Not even the 3D Pad, with its analog stick, makes any big difference in improving those controls. And the soundtrack, with its high-energy house music and inane, bubble-gummy lyrics, is all kinds of cheese. But little did we know, Sonic R served as a warning for the problems that would plague this series for a decade to come.

*NB: The only other Sonic titles for the Saturn were Sonic Jam, a compilation of the original Genesis trilogy, and a port of Sonic 3D Blast. You see what I mean when I called the Saturn a flop?

4) Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
Platform: Wii U
Developer: Big Red Button
Release: 2014

Okay, I honestly haven’t played this one, because I don’t own a Wii U. And depending on how Nintendo’s next console turns out, I might not ever. But seriously, do I need to? Sonic Boom's failings have been well-documented all over the Internet! The game is riddled with frame rate drops and collision glitches, the platforming and combat are dull and boast few innovations, and the hub worlds are so barren, they make the ones in Sonic '06 look teeming with life. I will say that I, for one, like the character redesigns. Although if that’s the case, why not just stick to the Sonic Boom cartoon? I might as well… I’m just happy to watch any show whose sense of humour isn't just butts.

Meh, good enough.

3) Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis
Platform: Game Boy Advance
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2006

As if it wasn't enough that Sega had to ruin Sonic's 15th anniversary with that other infamous reboot, and believe me, I’ll get to that one in short order, they also dumped upon us Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis, a remake of the original 1991 title for the Game Boy Advance. The low frame-rate does an incredible disservice to the GBA's potential, the chintzy sound quality does an incredible disservice to Masato Nakamura's incredible compositions, and the physics glitches do an incredible disservice to everyone else. I mean, yeah, you can play with the Spin Dash from Sonic 2, but that’s like tying a fancy ribbon on a bag of dog doo.  Of course, we don't have to worry about that anymore because there are much, much better ports of the game available, including the one for iPhone and Android which not only run perfectly, but you can also play with the Spin Dash, plus you can unlock Tails and Knuckles, plus you can save your game, plus it's got acheivements, PLUS IT'S ONLY 99 CENTS -- seriously, go out to your favourite app store, buy that game, and leave the GBA one in the dust!!

2) Sonic Spinball
Platform: Game Gear
Developer: Polygames / Sega interActive
Release: 1994

Have you ever played a pinball video game and stressed out about trying to hit specific targets, even though you're using a control mechanism based partly on luck? Either that or I need to practise harder... This was the case for Sonic Spinball, a Sonic spin-off made in 1993 for the Genesis. And while it fell victim to this inherent design pitfall, it was otherwise playable. The same cannot be said about its Game Gear port, which suffers from muddled, unresponsive controls, and a broken physics engine. Sometimes Sonic will stick along walls when it seems he should just bounce off them, and sometimes he phases right through objects. And that's just the pinball segments! On the rare occasions where you must traverse on foot, such as the mandatory bonus stages, these problems are exacerbated to the umpteenth degree. If you absolutely have to satisfy your pinball fix, just stick to the real thing. And I’m not talking about the Genesis port, I mean a real pinball machine. Previously reviewed here.

Before number one, I’d like to shout out a few honourable mentions. ..."Honourable" in the sense that they didn’t suck enough to make the list proper. So let’s have at it.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for Game Gear. It’s not within striking distance of its big brother on the Genesis, but it’s alright… except for the bosses, which are all kinds of unfair. Especially the first one. Oh, and if you don’t find all the Chaos Emeralds, you can’t even play the last zone. Because [verb] you, that’s why. Previously reviewed here.

Sonic Blast for Game Gear. You get to play as Sonic or Knuckles in this one, which is cool, but ugly art style, poor sense of speed, and overly precise hit detection make this the worst Sonic platformer on the Game Gear. Previously reviewed here.

Sonic Adventure for Dreamcast. This game introduced so many problems that plagued the franchise for years to come -- new characters with play styles that have nothing to do with the idea of Sonic, annoying voice-acting, awkward animation, and a control engine ill-suited to 3D platforming -- but for this game, they were just minor enough that I gave it a pass.  (Plus, I ran out of room on this list.)

Sonic Free Riders for XBox 360. This is another one I haven’t played because I don’t own an XBox 360, let alone a Kinect. But because of the technology of the Kinect, I’m willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt. Although, if my experience with the PlayStation 2’s EyeToy is anything to go by, I’m not expecting much.

Sonic Boom: Shattered Crystal for Nintendo 3DS. Like its companion game on the Wii U, the 3DS Sonic Boom doesn't have a great sense of speed, plus all the backtracking and collecting you have to do to unlock new levels makes this even worse. But unlike Rise of Lyric, it’s still kind of, what’s the word I’m looking for... oh yeah, competent.

And now... You might already know what’s coming up, and let me tell you, I didn't want to put this at number one. You see, going after easy targets isn't my style. I would have loved to surprise you with something like Spinball on the Game Gear, or that Sonic GBA remake. But no, this one offended my sensibilities like nothing else on this list could. Let’s address the elephant in the room and find out why.

1) SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
Platforms: XBox 360, PlayStation 3
Developer: Sonic Team
Release: 2006

Enough has been said about this title already, is it not so? But no, I have decided that this attempted reboot deserves its place as the best of the worst Sonic has to offer. It’s not the innumerable glitches and uncooperative camera. It’s not the unendearing character models and animations, like Dr. Eggman with full human proportions. Scream and run. It’s not the unforgivably inefficient loading times. It’s the way all those problems come together that prove Sonic Team have learned nothing from the mistakes made since Sonic Adventure. And all those underlying problems, combined with Sonic Team’s insistence on slapping new unwanted mechanics on top, is very North Korean of Sonic Team. And knowing what I do about North Korea, that is a very, very strong insult. Previously reviewed here.

So after witnessing the worst Sonic has to offer, I feel I should restore the balance. To that effect, join me next time when I count down the top eleven best Sonic the Hedgehog games. But until then, this is Kevin, and you are the resistance.

SDP Music Awards 2015 (Part 2)

Previously on the SDP, I kicked off the inaugural SDP Music Awards, leaving only two categories aside for a second post: the Worst Song and Best Song of 2015.  As explained earlier, I did this setup instead of my usual top-tens to explore some alternate options for evaluating the year's audio output, and to hopefully cut down on the writing I'd have to do (which sort of backfired).  But as I was compiling nominees for the worst and best lists below, I found myself adding more and more until I hit ten for each, at which point I decided to myself, "You know what?  Let's just do top tens anyway!"  And thus I ranked them all up from 10 to 1 with a little description for each, although shorter than usual because like I said, I tried to do less work with this.  As a reminder, all entries must have made it onto the Billboard year-end Hot 100 Songs chart for 2015, and songs which appeared on said chart for previous years are disqualified.  So, sorry Ed Sheeran, it's great that "Don't" made a return appearance on their list, but I already got around to praising it this time last year.  With that out of the way, let's get the SDP Music Awards wrapped up and over with.

Worst Song

10) "Post to Be" by Omarion, Jhene Aiko, and Chris Brown (#24)
First of all, it's "supposed to be", not "post to be".  Second, Chris Brown.  Third, produced by DJ Mustard.  Fourth, the line "eat her [noun] like groceries".  Enough said.

9) "Hit the Quan" by iLoveMemphis (#83)
This iLoveMemphis guy, whomever he is, sounds like a yowling maniac, and repeatedly fails to keep the beat while rapping.  Although to be fair, I don't think any rapper or singer could have salvaged this dumb material.  If nothing else, at least it's only the second-worst dance-rap song on list!

8) "Marvin Gaye" by Charlie Puth & Meghan Trainor (#75)
Charlie, just invoking the name of Marvin Gaye without adopting any of his musical stylings will not rub his greatness off on you.  Instead, it just leaves you with the dorkiest and un-sexiest sex song since "Afternoon Delight".  As for Meghan Trainor, this only cemented her status as an emotionally disconnected dork only your mom could love.

7) "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town (#63)
Little Big Town made a song about a lesbian romance!  ...Not really.  For example, "I want to taste her lips / Yeah, 'cause they taste like you".  The fact that country radio stations turned their back on this song, when it wasn't really all that racy, speaks volumes about their conservative society, but this song's so boring and toothless anyway, so I'll take any excuse!

6) "No Type" by Rae Sremmurd (#70)
The boys of Rae Sremmurd are quick to boast they have no type in women, only to immediately contradict themselves by adding, "bad [noun]es is the only thing that I like".  And the rest of the song has nothing to do with that statement whatsoever.  The only reason this isn't higher is because they also made "No Flex Zone", which I missed last year but is somehow even worse.

5) "Dear Future Husband" by Meghan Trainor (#74)
Much has been made about how this song self-imposes a domestic role for women, and they're not wrong, but to be honest, it doesn't have an uplifting message for men either, and Meghan comes across as nothing short of catty and demanding.  Bottom line, this song was a mistake for her image.

4) "Ayo" by Chris Brown & Tyga (#86)
I already railed on "Ayo" in the "Most Generic Rap/R&B Song".  The jist of that spiel was that Chris Brown is one of the least likable figures in all of music.

3) "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony & Kid Ink (#23)
Combining the horn riff from Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty", an barebones beat a la DJ Mustard, a hook consisting of a single repeated line, and a rap verse from Kid Ink which he ever so slyly copies verbatim later in the song, "Worth It" is not.

2) "Only" by Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil' Wayne, and Chris Brown (#51)

Between the disgusting lyrical content, the creepy four-note beat, and half the performers, the song reminds me most of is Weezy's own "Love Me" (no), which as you may recall clinched my bottom spot a couple of years ago.  And while "Only" didn't leave me feeling quite so unclean, it did so more than any other song this year.  Except perhaps...

1) "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)" by Silentó (#8)

Holy crow, did I finally manage to do a bottom-ten list without putting Lil' Wayne and/or Chris Brown at the "top" spot!?  This calls for a celebration!  How about a dance party?  Wait, DJ, don't put on "Watch Me"!  FUUUU--

Out of all the nominees, this is the only one which I could not get through all the way. I mean it, literally, I could never bring myself to finish listening to this song. And it's not a long one either; it clocks in at a shade over three minutes.  See, as I described when awarding Silentó my Worst New Artist "award", "Watch Me parentheses Whip slash Nae-Nae end parentheses" consists entirely of him asking you to watch him do the Whip.  And the Nae-Nae.  And all manner of other dance steps that people have been using in Vine videos and such that have until now totally passed me by.  He ya jerk, don't you know that ignorance is bliss?  I usually drop out when he brings up the Superman from Soulja Boy Tell'Em's "Crank That", which as I recall, was a previous title holder for "Worst Song of All Time".  Well, that throne is now occupied by... "Love Me" (no) by Lil' Wayne.  I just... I still can't get over that song!  But "Watch Me" is still really freaking terrible, so much that I had to christen it the worst song of 2015.

Best Song

10) "Honey, I'm Good" by Andy Grammer (#25)

"Honey, I'm Good" is a folksy, hokey, but charming song about a man who's in a relationship and denies the advances of another girl, which is a message I can get behind.  I don't mean to be a Moral Orel or anything, but in the midst of all these other songs about stealing YOUR girlfriend, dang it, somebody has to take a stand against that [noun]!

9) "Time of Our Lives" by Pitbull & Ne-Yo (#39)
Pitbull has finally learned that if you're stuck with a painfully limited palette of topics to rap about, you might as well be genre-savvy about one of them.  Having Ne-Yo and a euro-house groove on hand help this song's standing as well.

8) "Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd (#12)
The Weeknd managed to channel none short of Michael Jackson for one of the most engaging musical performances of 2015.

7) "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding (#13)
Between Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey, which "Love Me Like You Do" comes from, what is it with horrible romance movies having such great soundtracks?  Maybe it's just my tastes, but I was attracted to "Love Me Like You Do" for its epic pop sound that I thought we had lost after Phil Collins retired from music.  As was also the case with...

6) "Take Me to Church" by Hozier (#14)
I know I nominated this for Most Boring Song, but the quiet parts of "Take Me to Church" manage to accentuate the louder parts, already powerful with their cathedral-like echoes, even more.  Hozier knows how to build an atmosphere with music.

5) "Style" by Taylor Swift (#29)

After so many years of dissing ex-flames with the power of hindsight, Taylor Swift finally switches it up and presents the romance of a relationship in medias res.  It was also the first single from her 1989 album which even remotely sounded like it belonged in the year the album was named after.

4) "Downtown" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Grandmaster Caz (#84)
Somewhere between "Thrift Shop" and "White Walls" in its subject matter, Macklemore wrote a song that made going out on a moped sound awesome, and the chorus of golden-age rappers adds some well-deserved vintage street cred.

3) "Hello" by Adele (#35)
A heartfelt, if inconsistently passive-aggressive, reunion song that even manages to serve as a sequel to her breakup singles from her 21 album.  And unlike Sam Smith's works, it actually builds up its slow start over the course of the song. into something that's not short of grand.

2) "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars (#1)
Mark Ronson's '80s-funk production and Bruno Mars's Morris Day-slash-James Brown delivery make "Uptown Funk" one of the most positively unique songs of the year -- or the past few years, even.

1) "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk The Moon (#6)
Whereas picking the "winner" for the worst song of 2015 was a cinch, settling on a best song was considerably harder.  For much of the year, I was torn between "Uptown Funk" and "Shut Up and Dance".  "Hello" made a strong case for itself later on, however its slow start may turn off some listeners (myself excluded, thankfully), and Adele sort of wavers on whether she truly wants to make up with the guy she's calling, or whether she just wants to flaunt their breakup in his face.

So, going back to my original dilemma, "Shut Up and Dance" won out in the end.  It and "Uptown Funk" had a lot of the same things going for them.  They were packed full of bouncy energy which allowed me to give them many, many repeated listens.  But in the end, the deciding factor was their lyrical focus.  "Uptown Funk" was all about Bruno Mars esentially boasting about his swag.  Of course he could still back up his claims, but there was a little more to "Shut Up and Dance", which recounts a dance-floor date with some Manic Pixie Dream Girl, with just enough detail to make it feel real.  Basically it's like "Best Song Ever" by One Direction, only not made by One Direction, so bonus.  Like I said, this was a tough decision, and all of the songs in this top-ten deserve mounds of credit, but only because I have to pick just one to rise above them all, I pick "Shut Up and Dance" as the best song of 2015.  Don't like it?  Shut up.   ...And dance!

And finally, the winner of the award for Best Animated Movie is When Marnie Was There by Studio Ghibli.  I know that doesn't have anything to do with music; I just wanted to pre-empt the Academy before they blindly give it to Inside Out or some [noun].

This is IchigoRyu.

You are the resistance.

Top 10: Dumbest Recycled Titles

You know what really grinds my gears?  When a new entry in some serialized form of media comes out, only to use the same title as its first entry with no or negligible changes.  It causes confusion whenever you're trying to talk about one or the other, and it also betrays the lack of creativity our media producers have suffered in recent years.  But some cases stand out more than others, for better or worse... okay, just worse.  Sometimes reusing a name for something doesn't make sense in the context of itself and/or the rest of its series.  Sometimes there's another, more obvious title which for whatever reason got passed up.  And some aren't technically the same title, but are called it anyway by the general public.  In my strike against the system, I'm using those criteria to form the following top-ten list of the dumbest uses of recycled titles.

10) Punch-Out!!
What is it: A 1984 arcade video game.
Not to be confused with: Punch-Out!!, a 2009 video game for the Wii.
Why it's stupid: Another entry in this series, the 1987 NES game Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (a.k.a. Punch-Out!! featuring Mr. Dream) is also commonly referred to as "Punch-Out!!".  It is also one of the most well-known games in the series, arguably more so than the arcade original, and the new one on the Wii.  I don't really have any other excuses, so Punch-Out!! opens this list by virtue (vice?) of having not two, but three entries competing for the same name.
What they should've called it: Punch-Out: WVBA, after the fictional World Video Boxing Association featured in the games.  ...I admit I don't have much to work with here.

9) Seal
What is it: A 1991 album by the British pop singer of the same name.
Not to be confused with: The second and fourth albums by the same person, from 1994 and 2003 respectively.
Why it's stupid: The first two Seal albums were the artist's most successful, both topping the UK's album charts.  They also gave him his biggest hits on both sides of the Atlantic, "Crazy" from the first album and "Kiss From a Rose" from the second.  So we have his only two albums that some of would care about, and they're named the same.  You see the root of the confusion here, don't you?  And if that weren't enough, he made a fourth album in 2003, also called Seal.  Except this time, it actually did get a number on the end, namely Seal IV, although this only happened in Australia.  So why didn't the rest of the world get this title, and for that matter why didn't the second album get the same treatment?  (Just so you can plan ahead, this will be a common complaint throughout this list.)
What they should've called it: Seal II and Seal IV.

8) The Fast and the Furious
What is it: A 2001 film starring Paul Walker and Vin Diesel.
Not to be confused with: Fast & Furious, a 2009 film also starring Walker and Diesel, and the fourth entry in the same series.
Why it's stupid: The Fast & Furious series just couldn't get the hang of sequel titling when it started out.  First there was 2003's 2 Fast 2 Furious, which was ridiculous, and then 2006's The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, which ditched the numbering thing altogether.  Which leads us to the fourth movie.  I haven't seen it, but from what I understand, it's not a remake of the first film.  So what's the point?  Perhaps we should be lucky that they didn't use the number 4 as a letter, as in the hypothetical "F4st & Furious", but that argument doesn't hold much weight because we can always imagine things to be worse than they are.  For example, the North Korean government is deplorable, but if you told me to be thankful they don't sic velociraptors on dissident citizens, I wouldn't feel much better about it.  Thankfully the series switched to straight-up numbering from then on (Fast Five, Fast & Furious 6, Furious 7).
What they should've called it: Fast & Furious 4

7) Ratchet & Clank
What is it: A 2002 video game for the PlayStation 2.
Not to be confused with: Ratchet & Clank, an upcoming PlayStation 4 game scheduled for release in 2016.
Why it's stupid: The upcoming Ratchet & Clank game is a tie-in with the Ratchet & Clank movie, also set for 2016, and both are partial re-imaginings of the first game.  So if it's a reboot, fine.  But why am I disappointed?  One of the game's trailers posted on YouTube included the following description in the title: "The game based on the movie based on the game".  When I watched it for the first time, I thought that was actually part of the title, but that seems not to be the case, which is a shamefully missed opportunity.  A ramblingly long title like that would fall right in line with the series' penchant for humourous subtitles (i.e. "Going Commando", "Up Your Arsenal", "Full Frontal Assault").  Or was it not enough of an innuendo for Insomniac Games to have seriously considered it?
What they should've called it: Ratchet & Clank: The Game Based on the Movie Based on the Game

6) Metal Gear Solid
What it is: A 1998 video game for the PSone.
Not to be confused with: Metal Gear Solid, a 2000 video game for the Game Boy Color.
Why it's stupid: Think about why the original Metal Gear Solid was named the way it was.  The word "solid", apart from referring to main character Solid Snake, referred to it being the first Metal Gear game presented in 3D graphics.  This is obviously not the case for the GBC version.  Furthermore, the Game Boy version was released as Metal Gear: Ghost Babel in Japan.  Its subtitle "Ghost Babel" even shares its initials with the Game Boy itself, a practice which would see relatively wide use once the Nintendo DS rolled onto the scene.  So you could say this game was ahead of its time, not that you'd know from the American release alone.  Again, why wasn't that title good enough for the rest of the world?
What they should've called it: Metal Gear: Ghost Babel

5) The Karate Kid
What is it: A 1984 film starring Ralph Macchio and Noriyuki "Pat" Morita.
Not to be confused with: The Karate Kid, a 2010 film starring Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan.
Why it's stupid: The new The Karate Kid film (Also not to be confused with The Next Karate Kid, a 1994 film starring Hilary Swank alongside Morita) takes place in China, with Jayden Smith's character training for a kung-fu tournament.  As in, not karate.  Of course it would make sense to focus your movie around a local martial art if you're filming in China, but why leave the obsolete title intact?  Sure, there's this one guy who nicknames the main character as "The Karate Kid", but that's pretty flimsy justification in my book.  It turns out, we have to blame for this a mister Jerry Weintraub, producer of both this and the original Karate Kid movies, who vetoed Sony Pictures' attempts to rename it.¹  Fortunately, China did not have the same problem, as the movie was titled "Kung Fu Dream" in that market.  Again, why wasn't that good enough for the rest of the world?
What they should've called it: The Kung Fu Kid

4) Dance Dance Revolution
What is it: A 1998 arcade video game.
Not to be confused with: DanceDanceRevolution, a 2010 video game for the Wii, PlayStation 3, and XBox 360, and DanceDanceRevolution, yet another arcade game from 2013.
Why it's stupid: Dance Dance Revolution may potentially hold the record for number of works sharing the same title.  If you want to get technical, as indeed I have, it may also refer to the 1999 arcade version for Asia and North America (based on 2ndMIX) and the 2001 PSone version for North America (based on 3rdMIX).  I'm a bit more forgiving about the new arcade version doing this, though; instead of rolling out brand-new products for each wave of content they deem fit to make, Konami is content with releasing new songs for the game via online updates.  They've also location-tested a version of the game for North America, also titled DanceDanceRevolution and ARGH!
What they should've called it: Dance Dance Revolution New Moves (2010 PS3/360), Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party 4 (2010 Wii).

3) XBox
What is it: A 2001 video game console.
Not to be confused with: The XBox One, a 2013 video game console, and the XBox's second successor.
Why it's stupid: After Microsoft launched the XBox 360 in 2005, people started using the term "XBox one" to refer to the first member of the XBox family, similar to how the PlayStation got rebranded as the PSone later in its life.  So now that the third XBox is out and Microsoft decided to call it the XBox One, what are we going to call the first one now?  And you think (as, indeed, I would've hoped) that this confusion would have led to a drop in sales, as in Nintendo's Wii U (sadly), but this seems not to be the case.  Even I'm considering picking up a One, against my better judgement, now that Microsoft have finally laid out a backwards compatibility plan.  ...The name still sucks.
What they should've called it: XBox 3.  Again, not much to work with here.

2) Need for Speed
What is it: Need For Speed III: Hot Pursuit, a 1998 video game.
Not to be confused with: Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit II, a 2002 video game, or Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit, a 2010 video game.
Why it's stupid: There are other instances of recycled titles within EA's flagship racing game franchise (they've used the name Need For Speed: Most Wanted for two different games in 2005 and 2012), but the Hot Pursuit miniseries takes the dubious prize on this occasion.  Why?  This subtitle was dragged out for three different games.  The third one, 2010's Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit, is the closest thing to an actual recycled title, since it lacks any numbers or other embellishments.  But perhaps the most confusing thing about it is that while these three games do feature different numbers, they count down instead of up.  Perhaps we can look forward to a Hot Pursuit Zero in the future, I said sarcastically.
What they should've called it: Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit III, which is not to be confused with the original Need For Speed III: Hot Pursuit and AAAARGH!!

1) Sonic the Hedgehog
What is it: A 1991 video game originally released for the Sega Genesis.
Not to be confused with: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, a 2006 video game for the XBox 360 and PlayStation 3.
Why it's stupid: The newer SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (there's a reason I'm writing it in all caps) is a bad game, I think we can all agree on that.  It's loaded with problems which have gone unsolved since Sonic Adventure whilst piling on additional problems of its own.  But perhaps the most insulting of those problems is that the gave it the same title as the first game, and one of the good ones, at that.  What was the point of doing that?  If Sonic Team meant for this game to be a reboot, to bring the game back to its roots, it failed on that account.  It looks, feels, and plays like an HD rerelease of Sonic Adventure that got beaten to within an inch of its life.  Why not just call it Sonic Adventure 3, as indeed I did before?  And what does this mean for the original Sonic game?  I suppose we could call it Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis, after the game it made its first appearance on, but there are two problems with that.  First, it got ported to many other platforms since then, including consoles which hosted SONIC THE HEDGEHOG.  And second, we already have a game, an execrable remake of the first one, called Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis.  ...AAAAAARGH!!!
What they should've called it: Sonic Adventure 3.  Or better yet, they should never have released it in the first place.

In conclusion, 2006 was a bad, bad year for Sonic fans.  Oh, and can title recycling go the way of the dodo already?

---

¹Horn, John. "'Karate Kid' update breaks down some Chinese walls." Los Angeles Times. May 30, 2012. http://articles.latimes.com/2010/may/30/entertainment/la-ca-karatekid-20100530. Retrieved on August 27, 2012.

Top Ten: Best Hit Songs of 2014

As they say, the night is darkest before the dawn.  And such is the case on this very blog, where I do my bottom-ten list of the year's hit songs before tackling the top-ten.  With the former out of the way, the latter's time is nigh.  And yet, I found 2014 a very... meh year for music, even more so than last year.  Over the past few years, there were certain albums that generated critical acclaim, strong revenues, and boatloads of awesome singles; for example, 21, The Heist, and Random Access Memories.  But I can't think of a single such source of joy from 2014.  But it's not all bad; instead of one awesome moment, the music scene of 2014 had a lot of little worthwhile moments, so it wasn't a total washout.  After all, if that weren't the case, I wouldn't be able to bring you the list you are about to read!  Also, without wishing to spoil, you can expect 2014's top-ten list to be my most personal yet.

10) "Timber"
by Pitbull & Ke$ha
from Meltdown [EP]
Year-end position: #11

Dear Kevin of 2011: You’ll never believe this, but one of Pitbull’s songs has shown up in my best-of lists.  Maybe it’s time, or outside forces, which have softened me.  You remember Pitbull for rapping about nothing but his success and his propensity for partying, and that has not exactly changed, but he’s starting to endear himself to me for just those reasons, since there’s something innocent about it -- at least, innocent compared to other rappers.  He just wants to have fun, and he manages to do so.  Even the beat does so, keeping the momentum up throughout the song’s short-but-sweet 3-minute-24-second runtime, which has been a problem of pop and dance songs as of late, including Pitbull's own works such as "Feel This Moment".  However, it turns out that “Timber” and “Feel This Moment” have entirely different stables of producers and writers (with the exception of Pitbull himself, to whatever degree he contributed), so I won’t exactly label “Timber” as a positive trend in someone perfecting their craft.  But it worked, dangit!

9) "Problem"
by Ariana Grande & Iggy Azalea
from My Everything
Year-end position: #9

Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea are both new talents which I want so desperately to include in one of my top-ten lists.  Ariana sings like the re-incarnation of Mariah Carey, vocal gymnastics and all, and Iggy Azalea is one of the most exciting rappers to come out in a long time, white female or otherwise.  But for some reason, none of their songs ever clicked for me; they either had serious problems countering their strengths, or were just “meh”.  So I might as well give props to the one song which combines their forces.  The beat's rather funky, using a saxophone riff which is not only better than the one from "Thrift Shop" (and yet, my only complaint about that song), but is used just enough to stay not annoying.  As a breakup song, it's also kind of forceful, especially the title line, "I've got one less problem without you".  Nothing's more important in this equation than your mental health, so you might as well be upfront in that regard.  And, what’s this?  A rap verse which actually ties into the theme of the song?  Now there’s something you don’t see everyday!

8) "Sing" / "Don't"
by Ed Sheeran
from X
Year-end position: #56 / #52

Somehow I have a greater tolerance than most people for the "white guy with acoustic guitar" sub-genre than certain other critics, so I was mildly intrigued by Ed Sheeran, whose 2012 hit "The A Team" married this mellow sound to some dark lyrics.  But this sort of thing doesn't have a long shelf life, so I'm glad he decided to switch up his style for these two singles.  Both appear to take influence from certain white-male-led, semi-rapped pop songs from 2002 or so, namely the stuff Justin Timberlake or John Mayer was doing at the time.  Although I shouldn't be surprised, given that the songs were produced by Pharell Williams ("Blurred Lines") and Rick Rubin ("Baby Got Back", "99 Problems") respectively.  And it is by fusing all these influences that Ed Sheeran and company create pure audio fun.  Oh yeah, and both songs do that thing again, where they pretend to censor a bad word but there's no uncensored version of the track.  Now, I like my music clean, but what's the point of pulling a stunt like that?

7) "The Man"
by Aloe Blacc
from Lift Your Spirit
Year-end position: #48

Last year, Katy Perry gave us "Roar", a self-esteem anthem which a lot of people liked and I didn't.  And now, Aloe Blacc (the guy who sang on Avicii's "Wake Me Up") has a song with exactly the same message.  In both songs, the main character has been fed up with being so submissive in the past, being taken advantage of by just about everyone, but no longer!  It's time for the singer to live up to his name and face FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES!  (lol.)  But whereas "Roar" floundered about with cliches and a weak beat, "The Man" just gets it.  The horn and drum tracks provide a soulful swagger, and if you're going to repeat something for the chorus, it might as well be an assertive statement like "Go ahead and tell everybody / I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man".  Apart from "Roar", the song this reminds me of most is "The World's Greatest" by R. Kelly, albeit with much more confidence, both in the music and the singer's performance.  If "Eye of the Tiger" just isn't working for you anymore, and by its overuse in popular culture it shouldn't by now, give this a try.

6) "Something Bad"
by Miranda Lambert & Carrie Underwood
from Platinum
Year-end position: #99

What little country music I can claim to have, in the loosest sense of the word, liked, is the frequently-female-led adult-contemporary style of country, courtesy of such artists as Carrie Underwood, the Dixie Chicks, Lady Antebellum, and Taylor Swift, at least before she went full-pop on us.  So for the sake of completion and a willingness to come to terms with the genre, in more or less the eleventh hour I checked out "Something Bad" -- that's the name of the song, not an indicator of its quality -- by Miranda Lambert, and I was pleasantly surprised. "Something Bad" is, in a word, "bada**".  I find it almost cute that Miranda Lambert's idea of breaking the rules is skipping church, but maybe that's just a cultural disconnect.  More serving the topic of the song, the beat's got this deep chug to it that I haven't seen since the heyday of hair-metal.  Perhaps there's more to country music than I've given it credit for, since it's more like traditional rock-and-roll than anything else on the charts these days.  So thank you, "Something Bad", for teaching me to love again.

5) "Habits (Stay High)"
by Tove Lo
from Truth Serum [EP] / Queen of the Clouds
Year-end position: #32

You know what I’ve noticed about today’s music?  No one writes songs about drugs anymore.  Well, that changed this year with “Habits (Stay High)”, by the Swedish singer Ebba “Tove Lo” Nilsson.  In the song, she engages in all manner of self-destructive behaviours, because they let her forget about a messy breakup.  And I have to say, this song speaks to me on a personal level.  You see, I’ve dealt with my fair share of disappointments over the past couple of years.  And being unable to fix these things directly, my options are as follows: either obsess over, or ignore, them.  Following the logic that ignoring the problem will not fix it, I ended up keeping them in my mind ever since.  Which not only does not solve them, but keeps my mood in a depression.  A depression which is for all intents and purposes never-ending, as the factors which initiated my troubles and could, if willing, end them are beyond my control.  So I guess just forgetting about them sounds like the more appealing course of action.  Not that I’m going to resort to such drastic actions as Tove Lo or anything, but I’ll find some way to cope.  I mean, who wants to eat gruel in Zion when one could have steak in the Matrix?

4) "The Monster"
by Eminem & Rihanna
from The Marshall Mathers LP 2
Year-end position: #16

It’s funny.  The last time Eminem and Rihanna teamed up, it was for 2010’s “Love The Way You Lie”, a song about an abusive love-hate relationship.  Not the smartest decision when one of the parties concerned is the victim of a literal, physical assault.  But now they’re back with “The Monster”, and this time, for whatever reason, it works.  If Rihanna has developed any personality over the past couple of years, it's at the darker end of the pop-princess spectrum, so her singing that she's friends with the monster in her head or whatever plays to her strengths.  And then there's Eminem himself, whose rapping is the most intense he's managed in years.  He talks about the stresses of fame and whether or not he's stuck to the same goals he had when he first set out on his career, but despite all the doubt, if he's made a connection with even one listener, it will all have been worth it.  And wouldn't you know it, I've felt the exact same way about my own projects, including the SDP.

3) "Rather Be"
by Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne
from New Eyes
Year-end position: #41

Pop-song production these days tends to fall into one of two unfortunate categories: either lay on so much synth noise so as to render all its musical elements indistinguishable from one another, or the increasingly popular option of stripping it down so much as to come across as unfinished.  But there is a third way: incorporate a fair variety of instruments, but keep them distinct.  Sounds crazy, right?  Well, that's the way dance-pop newcomers Clean Bandit roll.  It may just be a "mushy love song", as one critic put it, but it certainly does make a suitable soundtrack for falling in love.

2) "Pompeii"
by Bastille
from Bad Blood
Year-end position: #12

Before I begin, I’d like to tell you the tale of another indie band’s single which started out interesting but just got killed by overexposure.  Back in 2011, there was Of Monsters and Men, this folky band from Iceland, whose song "Little Talks" got big on my local alt-rock radio station.  And it was, in a good way, quirky.  It’s a little hard to describe, but let’s just say adding the sound effect of creaking wood, as on a ship, really set a unique tone for the song.  So anyway, I listened to this station -- a lot -- as they played this song -- a lot -- and I grew bored of it really quickly.  Such was my lack of regard for "Little Talks" that by the time it had a chance to bubble up to the mainstream level and make it on Billboard’s year-end chart of 2013, I completely forgot about it when compiling my top-ten list for that year.

I will not make that same mistake again.  "Pompeii" may have grown boring over the course of its many spins on the radio, but this time around, I have the good impression it left on me the first time around fresh in my mind.  Musically, it has an epic production style suitable for its namesake, with echoing chants in the background and one of the greatest drum fills since "In The Air Tonight" -- an honour I do not bestow lightly.  And lyrically, it seems to juxtapose a personal disaster against the context of something more literal, namely the eruption of Mount Vesuvius over two thousand years ago.  The metaphor does flail around a bit, so it's hard to have a grasp on how literal to take this song.  But hey -- I like a song that’s open to interpretation.

1) "Let It Go"
by Idina Menzel
from Frozen [OST]
Year-end position: #21

Well, this is awkward.  A song from a Disney musical got some real chart success.  I’ve got to say, this isn’t exactly within my comfort zone, but there is honestly a lot working in favour of “Let It Go”.  Now, I’ve sat through a lot of self-esteem anthems over the past couple of years, and I approve of most of them -- it’s not exactly the worst subject to write a song about.  But does “Let It Go” stand apart from the rest of them?  Well... yes.  For some reason, the version that got more popular was not the “pop” version by Demi Lovato, but the original recording by the actress who sang it in the movie itself.  And the difference is clear -- miss Idina Menzel’s performance sells this song.  On a lyrical level, this song has a clear point -- the protagonist has kept some aspect of herself hidden from others thus far in her life, but is now willing to throw her self-imposed restraints to the wind.  This setup, certainly, could apply to many real-life scenarios for many people.  Heck, it could even apply to me, with all the emotional baggage I've admitted to a few paragraphs ago.  However, a good chunk of the lyrics are a little too specific to the song’s scene in the movie, so its utility as a personal anthem for those going through the same struggles as Elsa does in the movie suffers a bit.

So with all that said, could I still find it in my heart to award my top honours of the year to a Disney song, specifically, this one?

Well… no.

I’m still bitter about Frozen eating all the money in the world and snubbing The Wind Rises back at the Oscars.  It’s been my primary source of depression pretty much throughout the whole year.  But every so often, when my head is clear enough, I remind myself: it’s not Frozen’s fault for what happened.  It’s society’s fault for focusing its attention on one thing instead of another.  It’s like if one were to blame the Jews for World War II.  The problem wasn’t that they existed, but that somebody reacted poorly to their presence.  But touchy metaphors aside, as a sign of protest, I have decided to ban “Let It Go” from my top-ten list for 2014.  See that “1)” in front of its title?  That is a lie.  Instead, it shall occupy the Wildcard slot in this countdown.  Again, this has nothing to do with the movie in and of itself.  Sorry Frozen, it’s not you, it’s the Academy.

And now for my real #1 song of 2014:

1) "Am I Wrong"
by Nico & Vinz
from Black Star Elephant
Year-end position: #14

Congratulations to Nico & Vinz for being the first act from Norway to have an international hit since a-Ha in the ‘80s.  (In case you think I’ve forgotten Ylvis of “The Fox” fame, I haven’t; I’ve mentally quarantined my memories of that song to halt the risk of infection.  Also, thanks a lot, you enabling klutz.)  Their breakthrough hit, “Am I Wrong”, reminds me of Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know”, which I gave high honours back in 2012.  There are many distinct musical elements going on here.  Unlike the stripped-down Gotye song, “Am I Wrong” ventures closer to EDM territory, giving it some more pop appeal, but stays just far enough away to be different from everything else on the radio.  And given the duo's African ethnicity, they also laid on some tribal drums and chanting which are kind of subdued.  It's probably not enough for the listener to make the connection that this is "world music", but again, it's not like anyone else in the top 40 did this sort of thing.  Am I wrong for giving my top spot to this song instead of "Let It Go"?  Well tough.  That's just how I feel.

I shall close out this article by listing a bunch of songs I discovered this year which didn't make the Billboard list, but I nonetheless still liked and/or thought were good.

Arctic Monkeys -- "Do I Wanna Know?"
Capital Cities -- "Stayin' Alive"
Childish Gambino -- "3005"
CHVRCHES -- "The Mother We Share"
Coldplay -- "Magic"
Disclosure -- "White Noise"
Foo Fighters -- "Something From Nothing"
Foster the People -- "Coming of Age"
Hozier -- "Take Me to Church"
Kate Boy -- "The Way We Are"
Kiesza -- "Hideaway"
Lorde -- "Tennis Court"
Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars -- "Uptown Funk"
MisterWives -- "Reflections"
Mr. Probz -- "Waves"
Neon Trees -- "Sleeping With a Friend"
Steve Aoki & Kid Ink -- "Delirious (Boneless)"
U2 -- "The Miracle of Joey Ramone"
Vance Joy -- "Riptide"
Walk the Moon -- "Shut Up and Dance"
"Weird Al" Yankovic -- "Word Crimes"
The 1975 -- "Chocolate"

I'd have done the same for my bottom-ten list, but it would've all been DJ Mustard productions, so it would have been otherwise pointless.  So, thank you all and have a happy 2015!!