Music Review: All About That Bass vs. Anaconda

"All About That Bass" Artist: Meghan Trainor Album: Title Genre: Pop Label: Epic (Sony) Release: 2 June 2014 Writers: Kevin Kadish, Meghan Trainor Producer: Kevin Kadish	"Anaconda" Artist: Nicki Minaj Album: The Pinkprint Genre: Hip-Hop/Rap Label: Cash Money (Universal) Release: 4 August 2014 Writers: Nicki Minaj, Jamal Jones, James Strife, Jonathan Solone-Myvett, Ernest Clark, Marcos Palacios, Anthony "Sir Mix-A-Lot" Ray Producers: Polow da Don (Jamal Jones), The Internz (Ernest Clark, Marcos Palacios)
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The year was 1992, and our collective culture was nothing short of up-ended by the first rapper from Seattle to get a number-one hit.  That rapper was Sir Mix-A-Lot, and that hit was "Baby Got Back".  And with the success of said song, the very definition of beauty changed.  For the first time in recent history, it was considered cool to have a wider waist measurement.  Then again, that paradigm shift was intertwined with an element of female objectification.  Its greater message can best be summed up as, "Ladies, don't feel bad just because you don't fit the traditional, size-0 definition of female beauty.  You, too, can get laid!  Specifically by me."  So perhaps "Baby Got Back" was a little bit janusian (a word I just invented to describe something posessing two or more conflicting qualities, and a word which I expect to use a lot more often on this blog, so take notes) in its approach.  But I like to think it got hit with some bolt of mental lightning, or some other paranormal affair took place, because the spirit of that song has split up into a good and a bad side, and each side has inhabited the souls of two songs released in close proximity over this past summer.

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In this corner, we have "All About That Bass", the debut single from the young singer-songwriter Meghan Trainor.  And in this corner, we have "Anaconda", the latest hit from a more established leading lady, rapper Nicki Minaj.  As both songs seem to posess the influence of "Baby Got Back" in some form or another, I saw fit to pit them up against one another.  One of the questions I will be asking is, how do these songs utilise the power bestowed upon them by "Baby Got Back"?  I'll start with "All About That Bass", and I'm happy to state up front that Meghan Trainor chose to take the message of that song, trim out the more sexualised parts, and re-package it for a younger crowd who may have insecurity about their body image.  And just as Sir Mix-A-Lot opened his song with a solid declaration we all know and respect, "All About That Bass" hits close to that mark as well:

I think it's pretty clear
I ain't no size 2
But I can shake it, shake it
Like I'm supposed to do

Meghan Trainor's body is not totally trim.  And yet she is happy, if not for it, then at least despite it.  So tell me, what other points do you wish to bring up?

I've seen those magazines
Them pictures Photoshopped
We know that [noun] ain't real
Come on now, make it stop

Why yes, Sir Mix-A-Lot also made reference to the tendency of popular media to present the skinny body type as what we ought to look like.  And kudos to miss Trainor for updating this accusation, by pointing out that said images are out-and-out faked.  But then again, she also has a tendency to get catty about the other faction:

I'm bringing booty back
Come on and tell them skinny [noun]s that

I wasn't aware that booty left in the first place.  The world has changed since 1992; it's true that the messages that spurred Sir Mix-A-Lot to write his plea for big-booty rights haven't left, but in the intervening time we've been exposed to so many booty jams that we've accepted the alternative just as well.  I suppose that when it comes to starting a revolution, one can't make a proverbial omelet without breaking a few eggs.  Even Sir Mix-A-Lot expressed displeasure with those whom he called "knock-kneed bimbos walking like hoes".  But by striking a blow for one demographic, you end up alienating another.  What about those girls who are underweight and on the verge of anorexia?  How do you think they'd react?

And no, I ain't no stick-figure silicone Barbie doll
So if that's what you're into, then go ahead and move along

But at least this time, she's accounting for taste!  Fellas, if your taste in women precludes her body type, then you have obviously been corrupted by the system -- sorry, I meant to say, at least she recognises your demographic and is willing to give you an out.  Oh, silly me, I haven't discussed the chorus yet.  It's just one repeating line, which goes thusly:

I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
(etc.)

And get this -- during the chorus, the treble track does, indeed, drop out, leaving us with the bass!  Huh, get it?  Meh.  I approve of this song in principle, don't get me wrong, but for some reason it just didn't click with me to the point that I'd want to buy a copy.  Maybe miss Trainor's not dynamic enough of a singer, or her producer not interesting enough of a beat-maker.  Maybe I'm concerned at how she burns as many bridges as she builds.  Maybe it's because of the obesity crisis these days that I wonder how far a song like this might be interpreted by those who could seriously do to lose a few pounds purely for their health's sake.  Or maybe I'm just feeling a little jaded at the moment.  Regardless of whatever my misgivings are, I will support Meghan Trainor in the face of whatever controversies she may -- nay, will encounter as a result of "All About That Bass".  Because you know what the media is like these days.

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Meanwhile, in terms of "Anaconda", I can guess the thoughts that crossed the mind of Nicki Minaj (or in actuality, the males controlling her life and image): "You know what's easier than making some positive, revolutionary statement about female sexuality?  Exploiting it!"  Now, "Anaconda" does indeed evoke "Baby Got Back", but in a more direct manner.  Namely, it samples the song's melody for much of the song, albeit with a smattering of random indistinct noise layered atop to ruin the track, as seems to be de rigeur with pop production these days.  And the chorus is just a sample of Sir Mix-A-Lot saying, "My anaconda don't want none if you ain't got buns, hon'".  So if I were to compare the hooks of these two songs, "All About That Bass" would take that category by default, solely by virtue of Meghan Trainor singing it for herself.  (To be fair, there's a second part to the chorus where Nicki speaks a different line from "Baby Got Back".)

So, is there any originality whatsoever withing "Anaconda"?  Of a kind, actually.  Each of the two verses are short stories about different men Nicki, or her character, has had sex with, so at least it's an idea beyond the typical bragadoccio.  For example:

Boy toy named Troy
Used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money
He was getting some coin

Oh boy, placing drug dealers upon a high pedestal.  The more things change in the rap game, the more they stay the same, I see.

This dude named Michael
Used to ride motorcycles
[noun] bigger than a tower
I ain't talking 'bout Eiffel

Hey, wait a minute!  If you're not comparing mister Michael's meat-and-two-veg to something as awe-inspiringly big as the Eiffel Tower, than what, pray tell, are you comparing it to?  Then again, exaggerated metaphors and similies are part and parcel of the rap game, so for all I know, you might want us to have some even bigger tower in mind.  Which there are, mind you.  And besides, having a "disco stick" the exact size and shape as the Eiffel Tower would cause more problems than you'd be led on to believe.

Sorry for digressing, I was supposed to be talking about Nicki's sexual exploits.  With her being the song's protagonist, one would hope to learn a reason for her doing so.  Typically, the act of sex is depicted as being desired by the male more than the female, but with the focus being from the female's point of view, we finally get to learn what she wants out of it.  And that "it" is... getting the male to buy her fancy clothes and/or shoes.

Bought me Alexander McQueen
He was keeping me stylish
[...]
And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain
I'm on some dumb [noun]

You can say that again.  *sigh*  You had a chance to revolutionise this aspect of sexual relations, and you chose to blow it on shallow materialism.  Nicki, I am disappoint.  As am I equally disappointed in how she performs much of the song in her singsongy airheaded "rapping" (Let me put it this way: she plays the part of the mallrat who says, "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt!" all too well.), as opposed to straight-up singing or her more intense rapping style, which does show up in this song, but too little and too late.  And I am just as equally disappointed, perhaps even more so, in the lack of lyrical content present.  At the end of the second verse -- 1:44 into this 4:28 long song -- there are no more new parts to be found.  Just more repetitions of the bridges and chorus, and an unsettlingly long ad-lib section where Nicki throws about random shout-outs involving her [noun]s, their fat [noun]es, and/or the mother[verb]ing club in which they may be found.

You may think that Nicki Minaj is more qualified to stand up for big butts than Meghan Trainor, as evidenced by the single artwork which I decided to censor.  But she doesn't do anything with her role; instead she seems content to wallow about the female version of the common rap subjects.  Instead, this song may cause more harm than good, because even though a female is calling the shots when it comes to her sex life, in the end it's all about straight-up materialism.  And the music video is even worse in that regard, as virtually every dance move employed by Nicki and her entourage is distressingly dorsum-centric.  Attention everyone involved in the next rap music video: would it kill you to put some focus on a different body part for a change?  Listen, I'm not trying to be some "stop having fun" guy.  Not all songs need to change the course of history, "Anaconda" certainly has a right to exist in this world.  But for a scene in desperate need of an image change, this is just not the kind of song I was hoping for.

"All About That Bass": Lyrics: 4 out of 5 Music: 4 out of 5 Performance: 4 out of 5 The Call: 4 out of 5 (B)

"Anaconda": Lyrics: 1 out of 5 Music: 3 out of 5 Performance: 2 out of 5 The Call: 2 out of 5 (F)

Second Opinion: Sonic 4 & Ludacris

I've been dreading this day for weeks.  The Video Game Critic just posted his/her/their review of Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I on his/her/their self-titled website, and it's not pretty.  Remember how I discussed the physics foibles, but ultimately said they didn't break the game?  Yeah, they (I'm just gonna use that pronoun from here on) apparently didn't get the message.  They graded the game an F, and the review itself was just freakin' scathing.  Which is why I'm kicking off a new series called "Second Opinion", where I take on other reviews not just because I disagree with them, but because I feel they didn't do a good enough job of explaining their criticisms.  For this example, there's really not much I can say that I haven't already covered in my review for the game, in which I gave it a B or B- depending on the version, but as I examine various points from their review, I might have to dip back into it.

"One of the intro screens displays the Sonic Team logo, suggesting the original development team was somehow involved.  So when did they forget how to program?  By the looks of it, Sonic 4 was developed by Sega's bored intern who had never actually played the original games but had seen a few screen shots."

Okay, right off the bat we've got a partial research failure.  Yes, Sonic 4 was co-developed by Sonic Team, but they conveniently forgot to leave out the fact that most of the gruntwork was done by Dimps, who brought in their experience from the Sonic Advance and Rush series.  And by the way, they gave good reviews, B- or higher, to all five of those games.  So why the double standard!?

"For a real Sonic fan, it takes all of about five seconds of play to realize that Sonic 4 feels all wrong. The original Sonic boasted simple controls coupled with a palpable sense of speed and momentum."

In my own review for Sonic 4, I asked you the reader whether or not the Genesis trilogy's engine was better on its own merits.  I have to get this off my chest: after having played Sonic 2, which for the record is my favorite game out of the trilogy, I have to say its engine is truly better than the one used by Dimps.  But still...

"Instead of being fast and smooth, Sonic's movements are awkward and stilted.  The physics are borderline non-existent! These controls would be terrible in any game, much less a high-profile sequel."

Umm... "awkward and stilted"?  "Non-existent"?  No.  No, no, no, no, not quite anyway.  Sonic 4 is still technically, umm, what's the word?  Oh right, PLAYABLE.  Where do you get off on exaggerating this [noun]?  I could argue that the platforming physics of Sonic Colors are even worse, but I still love that game.  Hint hint.  I have also just become aware of Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis, a port of the original game made for Game Boy Advance made by Sonic Team themselves, and guess what?  It really is broken!  As the video below illustrates, it's loaded with physics-related glitches - that's right, literal glitches - which you won't even find in Sonic 4!  So yeah, you officially have NO idea what you are talking about.

"Instead of simply pouncing on a foe, you're forced to perform a "homing attack" made unpopular by the marginal 3D Sonic titles of recent years.  Who in the [expletive] asked for that?!"

You say the homing attack was made unpopular by the 3D series?  Again, I call BS: bias sighted.  Remember, I remarked that it would've seemed like a more natural evolution if Sonic 4 was released directly after Sonic & Knuckles.  And let's face it, the homing attack is not the worst thing to come out of everything released after the Genesis Trilogy.  Let's take a moment to thank our lucky stars that...

• the Chaotix, elastic Ring tethers,
• collection quests,
• an unruly camera, horrible voice acting, fishing, treasure hunting, robots,
• the latter two of which must be done in order to get to the "good" stuff, which wasn't even that good,
• guns, motorcycles, and that DARN fourth Chaos Emerald,
• hoverboards, even more characters we'll never care about,
• minute-plus loading times, implied romance between Sonic and a human girl,
• forced racing,
• werehogswolfhogs,
• and all-around unplayability,

are nowhere to be found in Sonic 4.  So yeah, this is technically what we asked for, and they technically delivered.  Video Game Critic,  allow me to redirect you to that curse I placed on you at the end of my Sonic 4 review.  Or there's always Sonic Colors; you seemed to like that.

But wait!  Because I'm such an antagonistic little nerd, I'm throwing in another second opinion absolutely free!  This time around I'm matching wits with someone I hold far less animosity towards at the moment: The Rap Critic from ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com.  In most of his episodes, he's taken classic songs like "Nuthin' But a G Thang" and "Today Was A Good Day" and given them ratings like of 2 out of 5, and you know what?  He made me agree with them!  But the inverse has happened once: taking "My Chick Bad" by Ludacris and Nicki Minaj, a song I felt was mediocre and rating it 5 out of 5 - as far as dance songs go.  Er, what?  And after spending so much time nitpicking the lyrics too!  You do not make such a negative review and give the song a perfect score just because it's got a good beat and you can dance to it!


...Okay, so maybe the song isn't that bad.  It's got its bouts of laziness, what with repeating lines from the chorus into the verses.  Speaking of which, why did he have to down-pitch his voice on the choruses?  It saps away most of the gusto he brings to nearly everything he's done, this song included.  And don't get me started on those unlinked similies; I thought you were above that Luda!  Then again, this was after he co-starred with Justin Bieber, so take that as you will.  But the message of the song isn't the usual rap fare.  Instead of bragging about himself or objectifying a girl, he's smashing the two roles together: bragging about his girlfriend.  Looks like rappers are making some progress in terms of becoming respectable human beings, even if at the end of the day she's still regarded as his possession.


The thing that improved my opinion of this song more than anything else came from an unlikely source: co-star Nicki Minaj.  My first experience with her was her verse on "Bedrock", and I think we all know how that turned out!  ...It sucked; and let's just say Nicki did nothing to make it any better.  So you can imagine my surprise when her performance on "My Chick Bad" was far-removed from the trashy, stoned-out valley girl she came across as on that other song.  Nope, this time around, she's taken inspiration from the horror-movie slashers of old.  On this and some other tracks, she's been described by others as a female Busta Rhymes; I'm loath to make a comparison that lofty, but she is close in my book.  Her delivery is brimming with the energy of the insane, with verses filled to the brim with syllables, and her look in the music video is what brings it all together.  Lemme tell ya, if the mental asylum's looking for you, you're headed in the right direction.


The Rap Critic asked himself whether he liked this song just because it was by Ludacris, and I'm gonna have to answer for him: yes he does.  It's not deserving of that treasured five-out-of-five rating, which he has done only one other time to date, but with the help of Nicki Minaj, this song is a trip into madness unlike anything out there.  All things considered, I'd have to give it three horror slashers out of five (C).  That's Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Mike Myers.  No, not Michael Myers from Halloween, but frankly, what's the difference anymore?






I also have one final, personal note to make.  On Saturday I was offered a position for a healthcare software company, and I accepted.  My first day will be tomorrow, at the beginning of the month.  I don't expect this to affect my output on the SDP by much; after all, it doesn't take me too long to write an entry, even with all my procrastination.  But for something I've been waiting nine months for, I really want to share this joyous news with you.  I hope you enjoyed this debut installment of "Second Opinion" (unless you're the Video Game Critic), because I have more beefs along the way.  I've got more episodes planned involving Star Wars Episode I and a comparison of F-Zero vs. Super Mario Kart.  Also be on the lookout for another new series called "Sticking Points", in which I'll take you through the hardest games from my childhood and beyond.  Now that LordKat's ceased production of his video series "Until We Win", I suppose you could call this a spiritual successor to that.  After all, sometimes we must make the change we want to see in the world.