Film Review: Star Wars

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

• Publisher: 20th Century Fox
• Production Company: Lucasfilm
• Release: 25 May 1977
• Genre: Action, Science-fiction
• Director: George Lucas
• Producer: Gary Kurtz
• Writer: George Lucas

A new Star Wars movie is soon on its way to theatres as I write this, so you know what that means: more Star Wars reviews!  And to that end, I've got the urge to review the movies themselves.  All of them.  Well, all that matter, anyway.  I've had some personal debate as to whether to review them in order of release, starting with 1977's Episode IV, or in order of story, with 1999's Episode I.  Then I thought, there's still a story to be had by looking at it in terms of release order, as we can see how the crew behind the movies evolved, or devolved, their craft over time.  So, Episode IV it is, then!

The titular "star wars", at least in this particular trilogy, refer to a civil war between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance.  The film starts when an imperial space ship, a Star Destroyer, captures a smaller rebel ship.  The boarding party, led by the general Darth Vader (David Prowse, voice of James Earl Jones), is in search of blueprints for the Death Star, a giant space-station superweapon, which were stolen by the rebellion.  But just in time, rebel leader Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) has hidden the plans with two droids named C-3PO and R2-D2, and ejects them to a nearby planet before she gets captured.  Landing on the desert planet Tatooine, the droids are picked up by Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill).  He doesn't know what to make of them, until he brings him to his friend, the wise old Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness).  Through Obi-Wan, Luke learns about the war raging across the galaxy, and about the mystical magical force known as... the Force.  After the empire finds and kills Luke's adoptive parents, it's up to them, the smuggler Han Solo (Harrison Ford), and his furry first-mate Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) to return the Death Star plans back to the rebels, and avert whatever the empire plans to do with it.

Star Wars's universe has copied from many sources, but in a way that still feels original.

There's just something primal and timeless about A New Hope's story; it feels like it's always been with us.  I'm not quite sure what I'm on about, but it may have something to do with the many sources from which it has blatantly borrowed inspiration.  There are parallels, admitted by George Lucas himself, between the Jedi Knights and the samurai of Akira Kurosawa films, between Han Solo and the heroes of various westerns, and between the Death Star battle and movies based on World War II.  There's even a book about how tropes from mythologies, religions, and literature have been repeated over the years, called The Hero with a Thousand Faces, which was also claimed as an influence on Luke Skywalker.  And I don't mean that any of that as a knock against Star Wars; it uses its many source materials in ways that feel completely new.  The best parodies are the ones where you don't have to be familiar with any one of its original materials to enjoy much of the humour, and in a sense that is true of more serious works like this.

When all these familiar plot aspects are injected into a new, foreign, science-fiction setting, it makes it easier for the audience to immerse themselves into the new world on the screen.  Breaking from the traditional trends of science-fiction films of the time, Star Wars pioneered the idea of a "used future", where despite the many technological trappings used by the characters, the loose parts and scrap strewn about the place shows, without words, how places like Tatooine are suffering under the empire.  When our heroes land in the empire's Death Star, the cold cleanliness of its set dressings provide effective contrast as well.  Although, one wonders why there have to be so many bottomless pits throughout the darn thing.  And ledges without railings, too!  Man, if OSHA existed in the Star Wars universe, the Empire would never hear the end of it.  And don't get me started on how they can have ship hangars open to the cold of space, but still have breathable, livable climates on the inside.  ...Seriously, don't get me started, because I have more important topics to get to.

Star Wars made astounding innovations in the field of special effects.

The world of Star Wars is brought to life by its special effects.  In 1977, computer-generated imagery was nowhere near the state it is in today; the best they could muster at the time was the wireframe model of the Death Star that the rebel pilots watch before the final battle.  Rather, the spaceships, as well as the world-famous opening text crawl, were "animated" by moving a camera around stationary models, and compositing them onto the backgrounds.  Other effects, like the glowing blaster bolts and Lightsaber blades, were accomplished by rotoscope animation.  Everything else, especially the various alien and droid costumes, was done physically on the set.  I imagine these effects must have been mind-blowing for 1977 audiences, because even today they still look quite good.  It helps that most of the animated objects were simple light blobs or vehicles with few moving parts, which didn't over-extend the reach of special effects from the time, but   Not all the effects stand the test of time today, but those that do hold up better than some of the CGI added for the special editions, although that's a diversion for another day.

To be perfectly honest, Star Wars does not have the strongest of starts, and that can be blamed upon the droid duo of C-3PO (Anthony Daniels) and R2-D2 (Kenny Baker).  The partially prim and proper Threepio is almost constantly bickering with, and belittling the advice of, his robotic partner.   And since there's quite a stretch of film after they leave Leia but before they meet Luke, this nagging wears on the audience quite a bit. Artoo, meanwhile, only responds with a collection of beeps, which at least lends some degree of comedy to their exploits.  The human characters, however, are far more... human.  Luke has his own dreams for his normal life, and is reluctant to join Obi-Wan's mission until he discovers the death of his step-parents.  Han is only in this mission for the money, and even then only to pay off the mobsters on his back.  And Leia shows a tendency for quick-thinking action from time to time.  Even within the opposing forces, there are heated discussions between Vader, Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing), and other Imperial officers over the effectiveness of the Death Star and of capturing Leia.

And, of course, it all ends with one of the tensest climaxes I've ever seen in cinema.  In the final battle, Rebel fighter-ships must destroy the Death Star, flying through the trenches along its surface to drop a bomb, before it can fire upon the planet of the Rebel base.  Even after all the times I've re-watched this movie, this part always leaves me on pins and needles.  Good thing, too, because Star Wars is worth re-watching, as you never know what new details you'll pick up from its plot or setting each time.  There's a smarmy sort of knowledge to be held once you've seen the later movies, and you go back to this one to find out what little facts were maintained throughout the series, and what eventually got changed.  But it doesn't take knowledge of the other entries to really enjoy Star Wars, and that's what makes this original entry special among all the others.

Positives:
+ A simple but deep story.
+ Brilliant world-building, some of it completely non-verbal.
+ Innovative and still-solid special effects.
+ The pulse-pounding ending battle.

Negatives:
- The early exploits of C-3PO and R2-D2 are long and a bit annoying.

Acting: 4 Death Stars out of 5
Writing: 5 Death Stars out of 5
Special Effects: 5 Death Stars out of 5
Visual Design: 5 Death Stars out of 5
The Call: 95% (A)

Shooter Month: Space Invaders

Space Invaders

• Publisher: Taito, Atari (Atari 2600) 
• Developer: Taito, TOSE (NES) 
• Release: 
• Arcade, July 1978 (JP) / 31 December 1978 (NA) 
• Atari 2600, 1980 
• NES, 1985 (JP) 
• Game Boy, October 1994 
• Super NES, November 1997 
• iPhone, 15 July 2010 
• Genre: 2D Action (Shoot-em-up)
• Players: 1-2 Alternating 
• Save: N/A 

In honour of my recent trip to Japan, I'm dedicating an entire month of reviews to that very Japanese of gaming genres... No, not visual novels; I'm talking shoot-em-ups! Yes, the Land of the Rising Sun has been a specialist in this genre, producing shooters of multiple settings (with airplanes, spacecraft, and even witches as characters) across a wide spectrum (okay, primarily on the hard side) of difficulty levels, from the simple yet skill-testing affairs of yesteryear to the "bullet-hells" of today. Yes, the field of shoot-em-ups is a crowded one, but if you keep your core interests in mind, some of them are bound to stick out. And enough titles have done so for me to kick off... Shooter Month! First on the menu is the one which kicked off the whole craze, not only the grand-daddy of shooter games, but the first great Japanese video game...* Space Invaders.

*Not the first Japanese video game, mind you. Tomohiro Nishikado, the designer of Space Invaders, had worked on several games before, including the Pong-like Davis Cup and Soccer, which he claims are the "Japan's first video game[s]".

Now, I know what you're thinking: "I know Space Invaders, everyone knows about Space Invaders! Its alien characters have become mascots for not only its studio Taito, but for gaming as a whole! Why bother reviewing it at all? And you call yourself alternative..." First of all, don't be so quick to hypothetically judge me, man. Second, you're right. We all know Space Invaders works. But... why? What makes it tick? And why did it catch on as well as it did? I started thinking thoughts like these whilst playing the Famicom port of SI, which I picked up over in Tokyo. And so, in a transparent attempt to fill up space, I shall endeavour to answer these very questions.

We'll start with a basic treatment of the gameplay. You control a moving gun turret shaped like the US Capitol building (huh). And in front of you is a phalanx of alien creatures, who will advance on your position and occasionally shoot laser bolts at you. Your objective is to shoot all of the on-screen beasties out of existence. Shooting the aliens scores you points, and you're awarded with extra lives at certain score milestones. Gotta love having an excuse for scoring points. When they're all gone, do it again, only a little bit faster, and so on. That's it. There's no backstory given to where these aliens come from and why they're invading... whichever territory your avatar represents. But, if you've been spoiled to need more incentive than that, then you're beyond my help Space Invaders is one of those games you play for the simple experience of playing it. It's a little hard to explain myself on that one, but sometimes you don't need an explanation.

Barriers don't offer much piece of mind when they can be broken so easily. (Arcade version.)

I'll be honest, whatever memories I have of playing Space Invaders when I was a wee little gamer were not entirely pleasant. I remember thinking the game to be hard, and even scary a little. See, as the aliens move side-to-side across the screen, when one of them hits the edge, they reverse course, and move a step down towards your position. This means that if given the chance, they will eventually collide with you. To make matters worse, the more aliens you take off the screen, the faster the rest of them move. Furthermore, the background music loop is a descending scale of four notes, which increases in tempo as more enemies are eliminated. (Fun fact: This was because the game's hardware could only run faster when fewer elements were drawn on-screen, but when Nishikado-san noticed it, he kept it in for the challenge.) Way to use multiple senses to put the player on edge, game. But far be it from me to condemn the game entirely based on those qualities. In fact, I have to give it credit for its ability to instill such strong emotions in the player with the bare minimum of artistic elements, and even a virtual absence of storytelling.

You may also notice that when you start out, there are four barriers between you and the aliens. Both your and their shots can damage these barriers, until eventually a hole or two gets cut through them. Admittedly, they're not much for protection. So, why even have them there in the first place? But tactics aside, their mere presence brings a very peculiar allegory to mind, at least my mind. Think about it: your avatar has the ability to move freely, at least along a one-dimensional line, and can dodge attacks or even hide behind objects for protection. Meanwhile, your opponents march lock-step in a fixed, gridlike pattern, never breaking ranks even as their peers are knocked out beside them. Sound familiar? If not, then you're not thinking of the American Revolutionary War, wherein the Native Americans and anti-British rebels came up with the genius idea of eschewing "conventional" warfare in favour of utilising the cover of their environment. To be fair, I'm not sure that's what Nishikado-san had in mind whilst designing Space Invaders, but it's a nice bonus thought to keep in mind and enhance the experience. Regardless, I guess it's true what they say: war never changes.

Later ports offer various colour and background options. (Super NES version shown.)

Home ports of Space Invaders are ubiquitous, given its early release and later influence, and are virtually too numerous to count. There's the Atari 2600 version (1980) which, despite its different looks, is credited as the first home port of an arcade game. There's the Famicom/NES version (1985) which was never released outside of Japan, likely due to Nintendo of America's restrictions which I may have discussed before. There's the Game Boy version (1994) which offers multiple background colour options when run in a Super Game Boy, and the Super NES version (1997) which has all that without the added fuss. And there's the iPhone version (2009) which is essentially arcade-perfect minus the control interface, but I find a tad overpriced at US$5. (Then again, I spent almost 800 yen for my copy of the Famicom version, so what should I care.) But really, you can't go wrong with any of them. Space Invaders is a shining example of how even the simplest of concepts can create the deepest of experiences.

Positives:

+ Simple but straightforward shooter gameplay.

+ An effective increase of challenge.

Negatives:

- Bare-bones aesthetics.

- The stress of increasingly-speedy targets.

Control: 5 barriers out of 5
Design: 4 barriers out of 5
Graphics & Sound: 5 barriers out of 5
The Call: 95% (A)

Film Review: Moonraker

Remember my last James Bond movie review, when I said the next one would be For Your Eyes Only? I lied. And I only did so because the movie itself did the same thing. After wrapping up The Spy Who Loved Me in 1977, the production crew had intended to make FYEO the next entry in the series. Then, just before TSWLM came out... Star Wars happened. George Lucas's little film that could caused a resurgence of science fiction like we've never seen. The success of Star Wars was felt in America, where Star Trek began its own film series, in Japan, where anime series such as Space Battleship Yamato and Mobile Suit Gundam, and even in the United Kingdom, where James Bond himself got in on the action in...

Moonraker

• Publisher: United Artists
• Studio Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 26 June 1979 (UK), 29 June 1979 (USA)
• Genre: Action, Science Fiction
• Director: Lewis Gilbert
• Producer: Albert R. Broccoli
• Writer: Christopher Wood

The Girls: Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles), a NASA scientist, which is just her cover story; she's really a CIA agent. Given her secret role, it's a shame her potential as an action girl is wasted, but justifiably so: turns out Lois Chiles was pregnant during filming. Also, I think there's a sexual entendre in her name. I can't put my finger on it... but one thing's for sure, she's got a good head on her shoulders. 2 out of 5.

Corrine Dufour (Corrine Clery), Drax's helicopter pilot. Killed for her complicity with Bond, thus marking her as a more sympathetic character. By my call, she should've been the main Bond Girl. And is she really illiterate, or was she just using that excuse as pillow-talk? 4 out of 5.

The Villain: Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale). Runs an aerospace company in California. Intends to eradicate all human life on Earth, and start over with a master race of personally-selected people. Wicked rich, wicked cultured, and overall wicked beyond your wildest imaginations, he's what Stromberg should've been like. Shot by Bond and ejected into outer space. 5 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Chang (Toshiro Suga), Drax's bodyguard and a kendo expert. Moderately scary but othersie unremarkable. Thrown out of a window by Bond. 3 out of 5.

Jaws (Richard Kiel), making a return appearance as Chang's replacement. Falls in love with a short little woman and turns on Drax based on fears that his boss's evil plan may threaten his romance. For all the terror he instills in most of his appearances, it's disappointing that his role here focuses on comic relief and characterisation. 3 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Bond has a dart gun under his watch, which can fire armour-piercing or poison-tipped darts. Said watch also contains a coil of plastic explosive, which is used with no explanation to break open the air vent grate in the rocket exhaust bay. 2 out of 5.

The Locations: The United States (California), Italy, Brazil, and outer space. I am not kidding about that last one.

The Theme Song: Performed by Shirley Bassey. The version used for the opening credits is an unremarkable love-ballad; as a sign of the times, a disco arrangement is used over the end credits. Fun Fact: The song was originally to be recorded by Johnny Mathis, but for whatever reason he ducked out of the project in the middle of recording, forcing the film crew to recruit Bassey for the third time, with only weeks to go. 2 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: Uses space and sky-themed backgrounds and some rather dodgy silhouette animation. Tame, like the music used over it. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: The third James Bond novel by Ian Fleming, published in 1955. In this original version of the story, the Moonraker is a ballistic missile, and Hugo Drax was a former British soldier who founded a aerospace industrial plant near Dover after events in World War II. He later reveals himself to be an ex-Nazi commander who seeks to restore the Third Reich by using the nuclear-equipped Moonraker on London. The Bond Girl is his assistant Gala Brand, and notably, she doesn't shack up with Bond because she's engaged to someone else.

The Plot: The movie opens with the Moonraker, a prototype space shuttle, being hijacked off from its carrier plane over Canada. As the craft was en route to the UK, M calls 007 off from his current assignment, in which he gets knocked out of a plane without a parachute but steals one from the hapless pilot. Also, Jaws. Cue opening credits. Back at MI6, M notices that no traces of the Moonraker were found in the plane wreckage, so he assigns Bond to investigate the California factory where it was built. He meets Hugo Drax, Corrine Dufour, a helicopter pilot, and Dr. Holly Goodhead, an astronaut on loan from NASA. Goodhead takes him on a tour of the facilities, ending with a test of the centrifuge trainer. The ride gets sabotaged, so Bond shuts it down with his new dart gun.

Bond and Dufour spend the night together, and she helps him find some of Drax's blueprints. In the morning, Drax invites him to a hunting party. His snipers fail to kill Bond, but his attack dogs succeed in killing Dufour. The blueprints refer to a glassmaker in Venice, Italy. Bond does a night raid of the place and finds a secret lab, witnessing a couple of scientists die in a nerve gas accident. Also he fights off and kills Chang, Drax's bodyguard. The next morning, Bond invites M and company to investigate the lab, only to find it replaced by Drax's office. This humiliates M, but Bond keeps the case afloat by giving him a sample of the nerve gas from the old lab. Also he meets up with Goodhead again and discovers her to be a CIA agent.

From there, Bond investigates one of Drax's warehouses in Rio de Janeiro, catching up with Goodhead again. The two fend off Jaws, since hired by Drax, on the Sugarloaf Mountain cable cars, but she gets abducted by Drax's men. Bond then travels to a monastery-slash-MI6 field base in the Brazilian countryside, where M and Q tell him about the nerve gas sample, how it kills humans but not plants or animals, and its place of origin in the Amazon jungle. From there, he take a ride in a Q-Branch-modified boat and ends up at Drax's base. He fills in the holes of his plan for Bond and leaves him with Goodhead under one of the Moonraker rockets, to be burned up when it takes off. But Bond and Goodhead escape through an air vent, masquerade as two technicians, and take off in another rocket.

The Moonraker rockets converge at a space station, from which Drax storyboards his plan: use the orchid nerve gas to kill all human life on Earth, and re-populate it with a master race of perfectly-fit people he brought up with him. The space station is hidden from Earth by a radar jammer; Bond and Goodhead disable it but are caught by Jaws. Before he can throw the spies out the airlock, Bond convinces him that the plan might jeopardise his new girlfriend, so Jaws turns on his master. Meanwhile, the Americans have sent up a crew and raid the space station, disabling it but for three globes of nerve gas that have already been launched. Bond and Goodhead take off in a Moonraker shuttle, use its onboard laser cannon to safely shoot down the globes during re-entry, and once again the day is saved. You are now free to turn off your TV.

No doubt about it, Moonraker was made with pound-signs in the producers' eyes. Not only was it chosen to capitalise on the success of Star Wars, but what they cranked out is essentially a retread of The Spy Who Loved Me on science-fiction steroids. Think about it: a multi-millionaire industrialist seeks to re-start Earth's population the hard way. Shame they couldn't copy any of the good aspects while they were at it, like the tension of a Bond Girl who intends to kill our hero when their work is done, or a henchmen who's not used for comic relief. On the plus side, when you've just sent 007 into outer space to stop a man from killing everybody on Earth, there's no way to top that; you've got to get back down to reality. Perhaps the '80s will give this franchise such an opportunity. 2 out of 5.

The Call: 45% (D-)

IchigoRyu will return in
For Your Eyes Only (this time for real)

Film Review: The Spy Who Loved Me

The Spy Who Loved Me

• Publisher: United Artists
• Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 20 July 1977 (UK), 3 August 1977 (USA)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Lewis Gilbert
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli
• Writers: Richard Maibaum

The Girl: Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach), agent XXX of the KGB. Assigned to the same case as Bond, only to discover that had killed her old boyfriend. In effect, she becomes a personification of “detente”, a period in the 1970s when NATO and the Soviet Union softened tensions with each other. Her performance is sadly a little understated, but takes a turn towards stern when she realises what Bond had done on that mission in Austria. 3 out of 5.

Other Allies: General Alexis Gogol (Walter Gotell), head of the KGB and M's opposite number in the Soviet Union. Again, he and XXX are competing with Bond and M to achieve the same goals for mutual benefit, providing at least a partially amicable dynamic among both parties. If the name of his actor sounds familiar, it’s because he previously played the role of Morzeny, director of the SPECTRE training camp in From Russia With Love. Thus, Herr Gotell becomes the first in a tradition of actors who play one role in a Bond film and get killed off, only to be reincarnated later as another character. 4 out of 5.

The Villain: Karl Stromberg (Curd Jurgens), shipping magnate. Whilst not one of the more memorable Bond villains, he deserves credit for the reasoning behind his evil plot. The way he sees it, humanity is driving itself to extinction, so he only wishes to accelerate the process and give mankind a fresh start in his undersea communities. This leads to an awesome rebuttal from Amasova: "That does not justify mass murder". Huge props to the writers for making him look like a sensible man, only to remind us why we're fighting him in the first place. Shot by Bond.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Jaws (Richard Kiel), a seven-foot-tall assassin with steel teeth. Super strong (for some reason), his preferred method of execution is biting his victims below the neck. He truly feels unstoppable -- plus he creeps out my mom. ^_^ Dropped into a shark tank by Bond, but survives.  5 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Bond's new car is a Lotus Espirit, which is able to convert into a submarine and is equipped with multiple armaments: oil slicks, smoke screens, rockets, and mines. Seems like overkill, especially since it's only used in one scene, but don't tell me you don't want one of those! Also, it's not technically a gadget, but you gotta love that Union Jack parachute from the pre-credits. 5 out of 5.

The Locations: Austria (filmed in modern-day Nunavut, Canada), the UK, Egypt, Sardinia (Italy), and the Atlantic Ocean. Fun Fact: the 007 Stage at Pinewood Studios, the largest sound stage in the world, was built for this film.

The Theme Song: "Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me)" by Carly Simon. A poignant love song, the title serves as a rather sweet sentiment. 5 out of 5.

The song, and the film’s score, were composed by Marvin Hamlisch, whose works include The Sting and The Way We Were. Apart from the title song, the soundtrack is sadly hit-or-miss, with dated disco-influenced tracks here, including a remake of Monty Norman’s theme, classical selections there, and of all things, music from Lawrence of Arabia for a scene in the Sahara desert. I expected better of you, EON Productions.

The Opening Credits: Most of the shots in the opening credits show silhouette-Bond and/or silhouette-Anya doing spy stuff, primarily atop backgrounds of smoke and coloured lights. The technical aspects of the effects started to show their age right out of the gate, but in terms of content, it fits with the detente theme of not only the song, but the entire screenplay. 4 out of 5.

The Novel: Unlike the other novels in the James Bond series, 1962's The Spy Who Loved Me was more of a romance drama. The main character and narrator was a Canadian woman named Vivienne Michel, who gets roughed up at a motel in upstate New York, only to be rescued by a passing-by Bond. And depending on what you were expecting, it sucked. Apparently, Ian Fleming shared my viewpoint: he left orders that only the name could be used for a film. To that, I say: good on ya, mate. On the plus side, the two thugs in the book provided the basis for Sandor and Jaws, two of this movie's henchmen. Fun Fact: Because of the change in plot, this was the first movie to get its own novelisation, written by Christopher Wood.

The Plot: Our movie starts with a British submarine getting captured by a giant tanker. 007 is called back from a mission in Austria, where he makes a ski-bound getaway from Soviet pursuants. Cue opening credits. We cut back to the KGB headquarters, where Major Anya Amasova, agent XXX, is instructed to investigate the similar disappearance of a Russian submarine. Meanwhile, Bond gets his mission: the plans for a submarine tracking system have been leaked onto the market, and Bond follows lead after lead in Egypt until bumping into Amasova, working on the same case. After an auction gone awry, she recovers a microfilm of the plans from Jaws, an assassin, and takes off without Bond.

007 returns to MI6's field base, only to discover Anya and her boss, General Gogol of the KGB, who have decided to work together with the British. Together, they identify the culprit: shipping magnate Karl Stromberg, whom Jaws happens to work for. From the Italian island of Sardinia, Bond and Amasova arrange for a meeting with Stromberg at his offshore Atlantis base, where they see a model of his new supertanker, the Liparus. The couple then conduct an underwater drive-by of Atlantis in Bond's new submarine/car, and learn from MI6 that the Liparus has never docked at any known port, raising their suspicions. Also, remember that scene in Austria? Turns out Bond killed a man who was Anya's boyfriend, so she makes a promise to kill Bond in turn upon the success of their mission.

The two then join up with an American submarine, which in turn gets captured by the Liparus. The crew is taken prisoner, and Stromberg reveals his plan - have the other two submarines nuke New York City and Moscow, inciting global thermonuclear war and forcing civilisation to retreat in his undersea communities - before leaving with Anya. Bond rescues and rallies the other sub crews, breaks into the control room, and re-programs the two subs to target each other. The day is saved, but Bond convinces the American commander to let him infiltrate the Atlantis base to rescue Anya. There, he kills Stromberg, fends off Jaws, and finds the girl. Together, they escape in a pod as the Americans torpedo the base. She reminds 007 of her promise, but instead of killing him, reveals a change of heart, and together the two have a "joint summit" beneath the sheets. You are now free to turn off your TV.

You may have noticed that the plot to this movie is basically recycled from the adaptation of You Only Live Twice. Then again, if you'll recall the Novel section of this review, you'll realise that this was not only an enforced move, but a highly welcome decision. 4 out of 5.

The Call: 90% (A-)

IchigoRyu will return in
For Your Eyes Only (?)

Film Review: The Man with the Golden Gun

The Man with the Golden Gun

• Publisher: United Artists
• Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 20 December 1974
• Genre: Action
• Director: Guy Hamilton
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Saltzman
• Writers: Richard Maibaum, Tom Mankiewicz

The Girls: Mary Goodnight (Britt Ekland). One of the worst leading-role Bond Girls, for reasons such as her habit of accidentally making life difficult for 007. In her first scene, she comes in by blocking a taxi with Bond in it, while he's trying to tail another car. Her low point has to be near the end, when she leans back on a console and her bum pushes the switch to turn on the solar collector - with Bond inside it. And she has no idea how to turn it off - ya think she could've felt the switch pushing against her skin and tried flipping it back!? 1 out of 5.

Andrea Anders (Maud Adams), Scaramanga's mistress, is a much more sympathetic character, seeing as how she wants out of her relationship and is willing to betray him of her own accord. Shame she gets shot by Scaramanga for her efforts. 5 out of 5.

Other Allies: Lieutenant Hip (Soon-Tek Oh). Bond's contact in Hong Kong, not given much to do.

J.W. Pepper (Clifton James). Hoo boy, if you hated him in Live and Let Die, you'll hate him ten times more this time around. Annyoing, crass, and foul-mouthed (relatively speaking, for a PG-rated Bond film), you'll be thankful for the elephant who pushes him in the river in one scene. 1 out of 5.

The Villain: Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee). A freelance assassin who uses the titular Golden Gun and charges US$1 million for each hit. Now this is a quality performance: think Bond, but with his own warped set of morals. Fun Fact: Christopher Lee was Ian Fleming's cousin. Shot by Bond during their duel. 5 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize). Scaramga's servant. To Goldeneye 007 fans: he's the midget in the Bond universe, not Oddjob. But, why did he have to be a midget in the first place?  Because... funny?  Hung out to dry by Bond, presumably left alive. 3 out of 5.

The Gadgets: Bond doesn't use much of his own gadgets, apart from a fake third nipple to pass as Scaramanga. On the other hand, Scaramanga steals the show with the eponymous Golden Gun, assembled from a pen, lighter, and cigarette case. And he owns a car with an airplane attachment. And he had a laser gun installed in his home. Awesome! Evil, but awesome. 5 out of 5.

The Locations: Lebanon, Macau, Hong Kong, and Thailand. Fun Fact: The island from the final act, filmed at Khao Phing Kan off the western coast of Thailand, garnered enough fame from its use to take on the nickname "James Bond Island".

The Theme Song: Performed by Lulu. Another crunchy, classic-rock joint, but prone to moments of camp, like the movie itself, and not as memorable as the one from the previous film. Fun Fact: Alice Cooper recorded his own theme song for the film, which he claims was to be used at one point. It ended up on his album Muscle of Love. 2 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: While also a little boring, this is the first opening credits scene I can think of that used shots of nude women in full light (as opposed to silhouettes), strategically covered by things like rippling water, lotus pads, or the Golden Gun itself. Funny where you can find innovation these days. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: The book sharing this film's name was published in 1965, months after Ian Fleming's death. Continuing the plotline from You Only Live Twice, it shows promise: After suffering amnesia and being re-programmed by the Soviets, 007 re-joins MI6 only to attempt an assassination on M - and fail. He is then given a low-key assignment in order to prove his loyalty - investigate Francisco Scaramanga, this time an uncouth American gangster with a simple golden revolver. The plot from this point on is considerably weaker than the film's, concerning a real-estate deal between gangsters and KGB agents. Maibaum and Mankiewicz were right to give it an overhaul for the silver screen - and it wouldn't be the last time, either.

The Plot: The film starts by establishing the character of Francisco Scaramanga, living well on his island off the coast of China, and holding a duel with an anonymous gangster -- which he wins. Cue opening credits. At MI6, the delivery of one of Scaramanga's golden bullets -- with 007's number on it -- convinces M to take Bond off his current assigmnent, lest he take a golden bullet of his own. Recalling another 00 agent to befall that fate, Bond travels to Beirut and takes a clue - the bullet that killed him - from the property of a belly dancer. With Q's help, he traces the bullet to its Macau-based manufacturer, Lazar. Lazar confesses that he has another shipment of bullets ready, so Bond tracks the delivery to a Miss Anders, Scaramanga's mistress. Interrogating her, she informs him of Scaramanga's plans for that night.

These plans involve a meeting with a Mr. Gibson, the subject of 007's previous assignment, at the Bottoms Up topless bar. As Gibson walks out, he is shot by Scaramanga, and Bond, waiting outside, is detained by the police. While being ferried around Hong Kong Harbour, he makes a break for it and finds himself at MI6's base in the half-sunken Queen Elizabeth ship. There, M berates 007 for failing to retrieve Gibson's project -- the Solex Agitator, a device used to convert sunlight into electricity -- but 007 brings up another lead: Hai Fat, an industrialist, may have hired Scaramanga to kill Gibson. Thus, Bond heads to Hai Fat's estate near Bangkok, posing as Scaramanga, and makes a suggestion to put out another hit on 007, to draw out the real Scaramanga. Bond is invited back to the villa for dinner, but is instead knocked out by Nick Nack and finds himself next in a martial arts school.

After getting pulled in for a few sparring matches, Bond makes a break for it and escapes via a motorboat chase. Meanwhile, Scaramanga takes over Hai Fat's position... the hard way. That night, Miss Anders makes a visit to Bond's hotel room and makes him a deal: she will sneak him the Solex in exchange for killing Scaramanga. He meets her at a kickboxing match the next day, only to find her dead. Bond manages to sneak the Solex over to Goodnight, but she gets locked in the trunk of Scaramanga's car. A car chase ensues, ending with Scaramanga putting a plane attachment on his car and flying off. 007 follows the signal from Goodnight's homer to Scaramanga's home, on an island in the South China Sea. Scaramanga is on hand to provide him with a tour of his new solar power plant, and together they discuss his plan to gain a monopoly on the solar energy market.

After exchanging pleasantries over lunch, the two hold a duel. Scaramanga disappears into his funhouse maze, with Bond in pursuit. Inevitably, 007 gains the upper hand. Meanwhile, Goodnight manages to knock out her captor... by dropping him into a vat of liquid helium. Before this distruption can cause a chain reaction, destroying the plant, the two race to steal back the Solex and flee the island. Their R&R is interrupted by Nick Nack, but Bond leaves him out to dry. You are now free to turn off your TV.

I'm tempted to put The Man with the Golden Gun on record as the worst James Bond film, or at least, the James Bond film I hate the most. So many elements go wrong, from lame characters like Goodnight and the returning J.W. Pepper, to the corkscrew car jump -- the slide-whistle sound effect they put in for some odd reason makes it a Crowning Moment of Awesome and a Dethroning Moment of Suck at the same time. (P.S. Hope you like TVTropes lingo.) If there's anything that saves this movie, it's the presence of Christopher Lee as Scaramanga. As for the plot, the two components (Gibson and the Solex, and hunting down Scaramanga) seem incongruous, and could've been better-served by each being the focus of separate films, but you'd be surprised how they make it work. 3 out of 5.

The Call: 45% (D-)

IchigoRyu will return in
The Spy Who Loved Me

Film Review: Live And Let Die

Live And Let Die

• Publisher: United Artists
• Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 27 June 1973
• Genre: Action
• Director: Guy Hamilton
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Saltzman
• Writer: Tom Mankiewicz

The Bond: Roger Moore, previously of the TV series The Saint. Two things that define this portrayal of Bond are 1) his encyclopedic knowledge, useful for giving extra exposition at a moment's notice, and 2) his tendency for scumbag actions.  Not the most endearing character traits.  3 out of 5.

The Girl: Solitaire (Jane Seymour), Dr. Kananga's private fortune-teller. Unusally for the reality-based 007 franchise, Solitaire's tarot-reading powers appear to be real until Bond beds her and she loses them. This may seem to many as a chauvinistic jerk move on Bond's part, but who knows, maybe Kananga was a lousy boss or even a lousy lover. 3 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (David Hedison), a CIA agent making his 5th appearance in the Bond films. 3 out of 5.

Harold Strutter (Lon Satton), an African-American CIA agent. Missing, presumed dead. 2 out of 5.

Rosie Carter (Gloria Hendry), another CIA agent really a double-agent for Kananga. Killed by Kananga to silence her. 4 out of 5.

Quarrel Junior (Roy Stewart), an identical son of Quarrel from Dr. No.  Despite the audience never having been introduced to him before, he's apparently really tight with Bond.  There's a reason for this, which I'll explain in the Novel section.  2 out of 5

The Villain: Dr. Kananga (Yaphet Kotto), prime minister of the Carribean nation of San Monique. Mr. Big, African-American crime boss, is really Kananga in disguise. A wonderful concept, and the man's got a wonderful plan, but it's a shame Mr. Big didn't get much of a chance to establish his character as opposed to Kananga.  Blown up with a compressed-air bullet by Bond.  5 out of 5.


Other Henchmen: Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder), supposed Voodoo god of death who always comes back after being "killed", but not nearly given enough to do given his potential. Trapped in a coffin full of snakes by Bond, but apparently survives.  4 out of 5.

Tee-Hee Johnson (Julius Harris), Mr. Big's henchman with a metal pincer for an arm. One of the more personable and enjoyable henchmen.  Thrown out of a train by Bond.  5 out of 5.

Sherrif J.W. Pepper (Clifton James), a Louisiana sheriff chasing after Bond and Big's men alike for traffic violations. 1 out of 5.

The Gadgets: A wristwatch with a magnet and a buzz-saw. Q is absent in this film, so Bond instead describes the magnet function of the watch to M. Yet he leaves out any mention of the buzz-saw which, out of nowhere, is used in the finale. Still, they did one thing I liked: at the alligator farm, Bond tries to use the watch to attract a metal canoe, but it's tethered, forcing him to escape another way. 2 out of 5.

The Locations: The United States (New York, Louisiana), and San Monique, a fictional island nation in the Caribbean (filmed in Jamaica). There's also a scene in Bond's home at the beginning. As for the use of New Orleans, I have to give the writers a tip of the hat for not involving Mardi Gras.

The Theme Song: Performed by Paul McCartney and Wings. Remember in Goldfinger when Bond said that drinking warm wine was "as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs"? I bet he felt a little silly after this movie came out. Especially given that, with this being the first rock-genre Bond theme, it's got some decent bite. Fun Fact: George Martin, the Beatles' producer, composed the music for this movie. Second Fun Fact: He also produced Shirley Bassey's theme from Goldfinger. 5 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: Motifs include fire, skulls, and a whole bunch of black women. Visually unimpressive, maybe, but a cohesive theme that fits the film's subject matter. 3 out of 5.

The Novel: Live and Let Die shares its name with Ian Fleming's second James Bond novel, published in 1954. Solitaire is featured in a similar form and function, but Kananga does not exist, whist Mr. Big, the sole villain, is an agent of the Soviet SMERSH, selling pirate-era gold to finance his operations. Also, the final act takes place in the real Jamaica instead of a fictional island. This book marks the first appearance of Quarrel, Bond's Caribbean contact. Quarrel was killed off in Dr. No, which was made into a movie before LLD, so what did they do? Replace him with the identical Quarrel Junior. ...Should've thought of that ahead of time, guys. Fun fact: some scenes were used for later films, like For Your Eyes Only and Licence to Kill.

The Plot: The film starts with the murder of three British agents: one at the United Nations in New York City, one in New Orleans, and one in the island nation of San Monique. Cue opening credits. M drops by Bond's London flat to inform him of the situation, and dispatch him to New York. On the taxi ride out of the airport, Bond survives an assassination attempt by a passing pimpmobile. With Leiter's help, Bond traces the car to a restaurant in Harlem, the Fillet of Soul, where he gets tricked into meeting Mr. Big and tarot reader Solitaire. Mr. Big dismisses Bond and has some of his men kill him, but Bond overpowers them and is picked up by CIA agent Harold Strutter.

Bond then travels to San Monique to investigate Kananga, the island's prime minister. In his hotel room he meets Rosie Carter, who claims to be another CIA agent. On their way to Kananga's home, Bond deduces her to be a double agent and tries to make her talk, but she is silenced by Kananga's security system before leaking any info. Bond makes a second journey up to meet Solitaire and tricks her into sleeping with him. This causes Soltaire to lose her fortune-telling powers, but she agrees to work with Bond. In the morning they venture deeper into the island, discover some camouflaged poppy fields, and flee the place.

They end up in New Orleans, where Solitaire is retaken and Bond faces a skydiving session -- the hard way! -- but he gets away and reunites with Leiter. Together they investigate another Fillet of Soul restaurant in the French Quarter. Once again, a trapdoor leads Bond into the hands of Mr. Big, who reveals himself as Kananga in disguise, and together they work out his plan: Manufacture heroin from the poppy plantation Bond discovered, distribute it for free, drive out the competition, and extort his customers with a monopoly on drugs. He then gives Solitaire a test to see if her powers are still active; she appears to pass, and Bond is freed, only to be knocked out and drug off by Tee-Hee. It turns out she really did lose her powers, and is to be executed for the infraction she and Bond committed.

Meanwhile, Bond is taken to an alligator farm-stroke-heroin processing plant. Left stranded for the alligators, Bond escapes, disables the plant, and leaves via motorboat. A boat chase ensues. Once that's over with, Bond heads back to San Monique, blowing up the poppy fields, rescuing Solitaire, and dueling Baron Samedi. They end up in Kananga's underground base, where he ties them up as shark bait. Bond frees them and kills Kananga by force-feeding him a compressed-air bullet. With all said and done, Bond and Solitare take a train ride together, fending off one final assault by Tee-Hee. You are now free to turn off your TV.

One pattern we will be noticing with James Bond in the 1970s is that these films tended to latch onto a certain trend. In the case of Live and Let Die, that would be the blaxploitation genre. Despite the obvious cross-marketing and the tendencies toward slapstick gimmicks, it's nice to know that Live and Let Die has a decent plot holding it all up. It's a shame the next film could not maintain that same balance of style and substance. 5 out of 5.

The Call: 70% (C+)

IchigoRyu will return in
The Man With The Golden Gun

Film Review: Diamonds Are Forever

Diamonds Are Forever

• Publisher: United Artists
• Production Studio: Danjaq / EON Productions
• Release: 17 December 1971 (USA), 30 December 1971 (UK)
• Genre: Action
• Director: Guy Hamilton
• Producers: Albert R. Broccoli, Harry Saltzman
• Writer: Richard Maibaum

The Bond: Sean Connery returns for a one-off encore. George Lazenby dropped out after one performance, and in the chaos that ensued, United Artists paid Connery a record UK£1.25 million (UK£20 million / US$32 million in 2012 currency). The result is a performance that's duller than his older work, although it does fit the feel of the detective-style story that the first two-thirds of this movie is. Fun Fact: Much of this money went to form the Scottish International Education Trust. 2 out of 5.

The Girl: Tiffany Case (Jill St. John), diamond smuggler. A feisty type, and I'd like her more but for how she mucks things up every once in a while. Still, she doesn't know any better, and at least she's not as useless as Mary Goodnight, whom we'll see in a few films' time... Fun Fact: She was the first American Bond Girl. 4 out of 5.

On the other hand, we also have gold-digger Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood), who is by my call the worst Bond Girl ever. Drowned in a pool. 1 out of 5.

Other Allies: Felix Leiter (Norman Burton) the CIA agent in his fourth appearance.

Willard Whyte (Jimmy Dean), an aerospace entrepreneur, held under house arrest by Blofeld.  Blofeld then assumes Whyte's identity and pretends to lock himself in his hotel's penthouse, a plot point inspired by the antics of Howard Hughes, while using the Whyte industrial empire as cover to build and launch his doomsday weapon.  Rescued by Bond and the CIA. 3 out of 5.

The Villain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Charles Gray) -- now with hair! -- the head of SPECTRE. Fun Fact: Charles Gray, previously Mr. Henderson in You Only Live Twice, starts a long-standing Bond tradition of actors who play characters who are killed off, only to be re-cast in another film. His escape ship is crashed into a building by Bond, but he kinda, sorta survives.  4 out of 5.

Other Henchmen: Mr. Wint (Bruce Glover) and Mr. Kidd (Putter Smith), a pair of ambiguously gay assassins, prone to finishing each others' one-liners. Lame, but somehow enjoyable.  One is lit on fire and thrown off a boat, and the other is blown up, both by Bond.  3 out of 5.

Bert Saxby (Bruce Cabot), Whyte's right-hand man who's been duped into working for Blofeld. Is not given a lot to do and leaves no impression.  Shot by Bond and the CIA.  1 out of 5.

The Gadgets: 007 uses fingerprints to pass as Peter Franks, and a grappling hook system stored in his cummerbun to climb up to the roof of the Whyte House. Blofeld uses a voice-modifier system to speak as Willard Whyte over the phone; with the CIA's help, Bond does the same to pose as Bert Saxby.  Low-key, but effective.  In a throwaway scene, Q also uses a miniature magnetic device to rig a bunch of slot machines and win big.  3 out of 5.

The Locations: Most of the movie takes place in England, the Netherlands,  United States (Nevada), and Mexico (Baja California). A montage in the pre-credits sequence features Japan, Egypt, and other locations, all of which were likely shot on soundstages.  Fun Fact: The Whyte House hotel featured in the film is actually the Las Vegas Hilton, currently known as the Westgate, with a penthouse added on top via matte-painting for long shots.  Second Fun Fact: The Circus Circus hotel also makes an appearance as a setting; the owner was a big James Bond fan and requested its inclusion.

The Theme Song: Performed by Shirley Bassey. Quite funky and, considering the Fun Fact that she was told to perform as if she was singing about a... "disco stick", quite seductive. No wonder it was sampled by Kanye West for "Diamonds From Sierra Leone". 4 out of 5.

The Opening Credits: Motifs include diamonds (natch) and low-light shots of women. Rather boring. 2 out of 5.

The Novel: The film and novel share some of the general structure and theme of diamond smuggling, but differ for the most part. The satellite laser plot is gone from the book, and Blofeld is replaced by Jack and Seraffimo Spang of the Spangled Mob as the villain. Instead of the Netherlands, the first act takes place in Saratoga Springs, New York, where Bond and Leiter investigate horse-race fixing and first discover Kidd and Wint.

The Plot: The movie starts with Bond on a worldwide revenge quest, seeking out Blofeld for, presumably, having his wife killed in the last movie. He meets up with him in a plastic surgery clinic, where another man is having work done to match Blofeld's appearance (now with hair!). Bond kills him and the real Blofeld. Cue opening credits. Back in England, Bond receives a briefing on a rash of diamond smuggling in South Africa, and is dispatched to Amsterdam to impersonate a smuggler, Peter Franks. There, he meets Franks' accomplice, Tiffany Case, and takes the diamonds, but not before the real Peter Franks shows up and is killed by Bond.

The three of them fly to the United States, and meet up with Felix Leiter, to whom Bond informs that the diamonds are hidden in Franks' corpse. Bond takes the body to a funeral home, where the diamonds are taken out and Bond is paid in $50,000... and a live cremation, courtesy of assassins Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint. But he is saved by a mister Shady Tree, because the diamonds in Franks' corpse were fake (switched out and planted by the CIA). In Las Vegas, Bond calls up Leiter to bring the real diamonds, and hangs out in the Whyte House casino, meeting a miss Plenty O'Toole. He spends the night with her and Case, working out a plan to hand over the real diamonds.

Monitored by Bond, Leiter, and the CIA, Case picks up the diamonds in the Circus Circus casino, but loses her tail and takes the diamonds for her own boss. Catching up with her at her house, they find Plenty dead in the pool, which inspires Case to cooperate. With her help, Bond tracks the diamonds to an aerospace lab. He sees them being used in a laser-equipped satellite, but blows his cover and outruns the lab's guards and, later, the Las Vegas Police. That night, Bond climbs up the Whyte House hotel and breaks into Willard Whyte's penthouse only to discover... Blofeld. With another double, in fact. Bond kills the wrong Blofeld, and is gassed on his way out.

Waking up in the desert, Bond gets back and calls Blofeld under disguise, learning the whereabouts of the real Willard Whyte. Bond, Leiter, and Whyte try to track down the satellite, but it's already in orbit, being used to destroy American, Soviet, and Chinese nuclear targets, with Washington DC next on the menu, pending a ransom. Bond and Whyte deduce Blofeld to be operating off an oil rig, and Bond is dropped in to sabotage the operation. With all said and done, his plan to switch the satellite's control tapes is accidentally foiled by Case, but Leiter is on hand to lead an air support squad. Bond foils the plan by crashing Blofeld's escape sub into the control building. Bond and Tiffany return to the UK on a cruise, fending off Kidd and Wint along the way. You are now free to turn off your TV.

There is great potential in the first two-thirds of this plot, I'll tell you that. The way Bond follows the smuggler's pipeline, going from one lead to another and outsmarting his opposition wherever possible, would serve well for a more hard-edged detective story, a la the original novel. And when Bond and Case unwittingly serve the purposes of the villain, they take responsibility and scramble to fix things. But then the laser satellite comes along and, while it's not a bad idea per se, it doesn't fit with the image the rest of the film set up. Or is it just me... At any rate, the campier elements of this film foretell of dark times ahead for the franchise, especially with the SPECTRE saga drawn to a close. Maybe switching out Bond's actor yet again will spice things up...? 3 out of 5.

The Call: 60% (C-)

IchigoRyu will return in
Live And Let Die